Aug 07, 2024
To:lolitroy
Hi, glad you enjoyed the story, and thank you for the detailed feedback! No worries, I've heard similar feedback from others who reviewed this story in both comic and novel form (btw, if you're interested in checking out the comic version, it's available on Tapas, Webtoon, and some other webcomic sites. The comic is on hiatus right now since I'm redrawing the earlier chapters and reworking the story, so it only goes up to the part where Thallios is talking to the voice in the cave.)
Since I've heard from multiple readers that the characters are a bit bland (other than Xenon and Astatine), that's one of the things I'll work on when I rewrite this. Astatine was my favorite character to write since he has more of a personality and Xenon was my second favorite because of the angst (hence, Astatine is the MC of Book 2 and I'll probably write a prequel about Xenon in his younger days since I feel like this story didn't elaborate too much on his relationship with Selenia, but that one's still in the planning phase).
The seeming lack of originality in the setting and characterizations (i.e. fantasy setting ruled by multiple deities with elemental powers, the gentle-natured Thallios and his "fiery" alter ego Amara) was somewhat intentional since this story is partially an homage/parody of anime and films I've seen. Amara was loosely inspired by grown-up Ashura from CLAMP's RG Veda (albeit way less evil) and Thallios was loosely inspired by Prince Arslan from The Heroic Legend of Arslan (the 90s OAV version, not the more recent one).
I was watching The Untamed on Netflix (based on the danmei novel The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) when I was writing the initial script of this story so that influenced some of the characters and story structure. Leiyu isn't based on any particular character (maybe a little bit of Wei Wuxian from Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation/The Untamed in that he's an orphan who acquires skills quickly and a little bit of Lan Zhan in his reserved nature, but that's where the similarities end). Jianyi was loosely inspired by Jiang Cheng, mostly in terms of his bad temper and enmity towards Leiyu, and Astatine was inspired by fanfiction versions of Xue Yang. The multiple flashbacks in this story are based on the story structure of The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (which also has multiple flashbacks).
Regarding the lack of separate countries within the regions and the unoriginal names of the regions themselves, I had once considered giving the regions actual names but then decided to leave it as is. The resemblance to real-world cultures was also intentional since I wanted to write a story set during the Silk Road times without having to worry too much about historical accuracy and also throw in some fantasy elements (otherwise, this would end up being a historical novel that takes place around the 2nd century BC with Leiyu as a trade caravan guard from the Western Han Dynasty and Thallios as a noble in the Greco-Bactrian Kingdom, which would also be an interesting story but it would take way more research). People in ancient China referred to Central Asia as the "Western Region" so calling it the Western Region in this story has a historical basis.
About the part with the flashback where Astatine was rescued by Samarian and then it cuts back to the present with Samarian telling Amara that she saved him, I wrote the story as a comic script first, so it would have worked better in a visual medium (i.e. Samarian saying that she saved Astatine juxtaposed over the images of her doing so).
Regarding the passive acceptance of fate and why Thallios didn't end up avenging his kingdom, since there are a lot of stories where the hero goes on a quest, acquires a magical item, levels up, defeats the villain in a final boss battle, liberates the conquered homeland, and lives happily ever after, I decided to go in a different direction.
One of the things I wanted to explore in the story is the idea that "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." For additional context, the quest for the legendary sword arc was based on a short story I wrote ages ago about a prince and his bodyguard seeking a legendary sword in a cave. The personalities and motivations were different - the prince was more self-centered and wanted to prove himself to his father since he had an older brother who was more favored. He sought the sword so he could gain glory in battle. The same events happen, the prince has to undergo a trial battle and is distraught when he thinks that the opponent he defeated was his bodyguard, and then the sword's consciousness fills him with terrifying visions of what would happen if he ended up using the sword for its intended purpose. He is emotionally shaken, gives up his quest for the sword, and is relieved when he finds out that his bodyguard is still alive. He becomes humbled, changes what he values in life, and leaves the cursed cave with his bodyguard.
I no longer have a copy of this short story (it was handwritten on notepaper!) and was intended to be an excerpt in a longer epic with a larger cast of characters. Fast forward to last year, I finally decided to write the rest of the story out, albeit with major character changes. In retrospect, the characterizations from the original short story might have made for a more interesting plot (Thallios' personality is very different from the original prince's so I added the part about Xenon going on a quest for the sword when he was younger as a nod that the original short story, since Xenon ended up using the sword's powers to conquer the Western Region).
Some reasons why Thallios gives up taking back the Western Region is because 1) he fears that he is not prepared to rule an empire since he has been sheltered his entire life and 2) he fears that what the sword told him is true, that despite his gentle-nature, he might end up corrupted by the sword's power and end up becoming a tyrant (his alter ego represents the less positive aspects of his personality). Also, since no one outside the palace has ever seen him, the people of the Western Region might not readily accept him as their new king. Xenon was not well-regarded as a ruler, especially after he withdrew into his chambers after the queen passed away. Thallios will probably never set foot in the Western Region again, so the fate of the people there will be depicted in Book 2 when Astatine makes his way through the region.
Thank you again for all the comments throughout and the detailed feedback! The rewrite will happen at some point. At the moment, I'm working on another story for an action fantasy novel contest on Tapas. Feel free to check it out if you're interested. The title is The Silver Sorcerer and my username is the same on that website. My other stories and comics are also there (along with the beginning of Book 3 of the Grand Epic Elementary trilogy).
