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BasicallyAnybody

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registered at: Jan 09, 2025

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aaa

Mar 04, 2025

To:Bubbles

I really have to signal that kind of stuff more often, yeah. It is the ancient world, greek or roman style. That's why there is an entire pantheon of Gods around, they really loved to have a lot of those back then.

The boar mask

Chapter:2

Mar 04, 2025

The humor is quite on point, the only little gripe I have is that I can't pinpoint the age of the characters. The fact that they are in highschool kind of closes it in a bit but not quite.

Also, I was wondering about how common is the nekoflu, for the other students to be curious about her features, seems like it's not that usual to see someone with it.

Cat Got My Tongue

Chapter:2

Mar 04, 2025

Asking questions about the Gods and how they work was precisely one of the things I wanted a reader to do right from the start, so at least on that part, is good to see it's working.

I can see what you mean with the dialogue. I try to signal which character is saying which line or to cut it as much as I can to avoid that problem, but I'll think more carefully about it from now on.

The boar mask

Chapter:1

Mar 04, 2025

To:Bubbles

Thanks for the comment, and now that you say it, I agree. Most of the prologue came from the conception of the story itself when I figured it out, so it may need a little tweak on the formating. I'll give it a revision when I can.

The boar mask

Chapter:0

Mar 04, 2025

Won't comment on the present tense cause certainly I didn't notice anything amiss while reading, which speaks of how seemlessly it works. I am particularly fond of the introspection and thoughts of Sayuri, they do reveal a lot of her character quite quickly and I like what I have seen, even if most of it was self deprecating and negative.

Makes me wonder if that negativity may change as it goes on. It's a good start

Cat Got My Tongue

Chapter:1

Feb 23, 2025

I comment this just to offer this a different perspective. I did find clear that the POV was different between chapters, because the POV chars were from different tribes. I don't see any necessity to change much, but if you do want to make it clearer, then maybe signaling which tribe's POV is on for the chapter at the start would make it more obvious?

I dunno. your choice, but I like the multiple POVs thing. If you have five tribes then you better use them all I would say. Keep it on.

Stories across the Five Tribes

Chapter:1

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