Jun 30, 2025
dialogue in the middle of the text is jarring. Also you straight up told me the emotion felt by the main character was disdain after writing a bit of dialogue that made that clear which is a bit redundant.
samurai like outfits? the equipment could do with some describing, is it old? New? Are there tasset Does he get a mask? Finally no need to mention the lack of combat experience.
You make it clear they’ve been to war off of dialogue alone, you did a gone job with that, you didn’t need to then say “despite my lack of combat experience” he picked up two swords, hate war, and was a immortal god you gave me all the ques this person is not a fighter. Show that like you did, don’t tell me
My older sister talked to me about me this, don’t do the “this character is (insert positive trait(s))” I interpreted it in writing they’re subjective to people and if I to be lead to believe Rose, (sandpaper name introduction btw) Is a complex person with depth and nuance you now have a standard people are expecting, not sure how dedicated you plan to be to this but you will have to write hard to convince people she has depth and nuance, and is complex. that means most other characters are going to have to be stupid, not (ignorant that's different.) or she will need JOJO villains' levels of planning which is just as if not harder than writing consistently but believable stupid fodder for the protagonist to squish.
I can’t seem to catch any grammatical errors, though the dialogue is incredibly uncomfortable to read due to placement in the lines.
