Feb 18, 2026
I think the other commenter is definitely interested—they wouldn't have reacted so strongly if the concept wasn't grabbing them!
I agree that this has an incredible foundation and a massive hook. I am very intrigued by the 'worm' and the agency. However, I do think the Chapter 0 needs some tightening to make the emotional hit land harder.
Since this is a Chapter 0, you want to leave some mystery. Right now, Hana explains a lot of the history (the agents, the specific people she killed, the government deals) in her dialogue. Because Tsubaki is her sister, she probably already knows some of this.
Suggestion: Try cutting the explanation of the lore in the dialogue. Let the readers be confused about why she is dying, but clear on how sad it is. If you reduce (or turn some of it into description details like clothing, stance, the environment, what items she is holding, etc etc) the 'info-dumping' and focus purely on the sisters' panic and love, the horror of the magical girl situation will be much scarier.
You have the heart of the story right here. A little polish on the dialogue to make it feel more natural/less explanatory, and this is a winner.
