Mar 11, 2026
A few things. Firstly, grammar. Some sentences feel off, like they're phrased weirdly, or are missing key commas, or should've been separated into 2 sentences, etc. Secondly, there is no information given to us readers at all. About anything. This makes it less interesting because for the entire length of this chapter, it's literally the same little bit repeated over and over and over and over and over. You were trying to set an atmosphere, but after a point I just got bored. I kept reading thinking there was gonna be some more information (heck even information that isn't immediately important to the plot would've been fine) but no, it was the same thing. Ofc I'm not saying I expected the mystery to be revealed instantly tho. And finally, it feels so cliche and kinda bland. Because there weren't any interesting tidbits which might make you even more interested in what's happening, it's the same cliche'd thing repeated multiple times. Would've felt less like a cliche if there were other things for us readers to focus on too, but since it's just that, it's more apparent. I really do think you could do interesting things with this idea, but you need to work on some stuff 😭