Aug 11, 2026
Thanks for the chapter! If i may, it detracts from the immersion when you add the narrators opinion into the mix. Like with the tentacle Mr. Nibbs detached to watch the baby. The narrator telling us that it’s weird adds a bit of dissonance since I was under the impression that Mr. Nibbs thought it to be the most natural thing to do. Is it Mr. Nibbs who thinks it’s weird or the narrator telling me that i should think it’s strange? It often feels like it is a human narrating the story and that bias shows through. Sometimes less is more, instead of telling the audience what is abnormal, present things as if the character thinks its normal and let us come to the conclusion that it’s strange based off of your world building.
Alternatively, if Mr. Nibbs thinks it’s strange, then that implies he is not fully comfortable with who/what he is which could be the case, but at this point in the story there has been no indication or backstory shedding light on why this demon would think his version of a human technology would be weird when it is in fact an improvement on the existing design
