Secrets and Lies

"Ren hasn’t done anything wrong!" Kaede intervened, her voice trembling with conviction.

"He only tried to help an Anchio citizen."

Turning to Ren for affirmation, the woman felt as though her soul had slipped from under her feet, plunging into the seventh circle of hell. What was that terrible thing she saw in his eyes? Anger? Hatred? It felt as if she had committed an unforgivable sin without even realizing it. Ren said nothing.

Looking back on this moment in the future, Kaede knew she would hate herself if she didn’t do everything she could. So she suppressed her emotions, choking back the trembling in her voice, and spoke.
"As residents of this household, it is our right to know what’s happening here! Unless you can provide valid authorization and justification, I will never allow you to take my husband."

The robots standing before her bore a military-like design. She doubted their communication skills were sophisticated enough to detect a bluff.

“Miss Kaede, please don’t worry. This is merely a procedure. Your husband resembles someone we’re searching for. We simply need to examine his memories to confirm whether he’s the person in question.”

“You can’t operate so irresponsibly!” she shouted, her voice rising in indignation. Normally calm, perhaps even meek, this time, for Ren’s sake, for her sake, she knew she had to stand strong, or at least appear to.

One of the robots, taller and bulkier than the others, responded. “If you are confident that your husband is not the person we are looking for, then you have nothing to worry about. He will return home before midnight.”

Kaede turned to Ren again. He only stood there, watching them. Truthfully, she doubted he was even present in that moment. After six years of living together, she thought she had seen every facet of him. But that day, for the first time, she saw fear in his eyes, true, unfiltered fear. He was the one they were searching for. She didn’t know why, but she could feel it in her bones. It was connected to those scars he never explained.

With the speed of her thoughts, she discreetly searched the internet, careful not to let the others notice. She discovered that, in the past, individuals deemed troubled, whether mentally ill or criminal, had their memories and minds altered. The mere thought of Ren changing was enough to make her chest tighten. She was terrified they would change him, and that he would never love her again.

“I won’t allow it!” Kaede declared. “If you need to conduct a mind scan, bring the equipment and do it here in this house.”

“We cannot take such a risk, unfortunately. Moreover, this decision is not ours to make. Please, do not cause trouble.”

They were being polite. She thought she could use that to her advantage. Ren, standing just a few steps away, felt oceans apart. She closed the distance, gripping his arm.
“You are not taking him!” she said. “If you want him, you’ll have to go through me first.”

For a moment, Kaede felt strong. Then she caught a shift in the smaller robots flanking the tall one. Turning to face them, she sensed movement when the arm she was holding pushed her back firmly. She nearly lost her balance.

“Let go already,” Ren said in the calmest tone, his voice steady but distant.

The darkness in his eyes painted her world in the darkest hues imaginable. It was then she understood why she was so afraid. If she let him leave like this, he would never come back. Frozen in terror, Kaede could only watch as Ren stepped past the robots, climbed into the waiting helicopter, and disappeared into the sky.

She didn’t scream. She didn’t cry. She simply collapsed where she stood. Then she started laughing, a long, hollow laughter echoing in the silence of a flower garden veiled in darkness. Tears streamed down her face, turning her laughter into hiccupping sobs. She felt as though she was losing her mind.

Kaede lay on the damp earth, staring at the overcast sky. How she wished for rain at that moment. How much she needed it. But life, in its cruel way, never gives you what you need, only what it must. And in moments like this, she felt smaller than the tiniest bacterium.

But why was she so sure he wouldn’t come back? Perhaps the person they sought wasn’t Ren. Yes, that must be it. He wasn’t the one. Ren was the most honest, selfless person she knew. Who could possibly want anything from him? This thought was a balm to her soul.

“I’ll sit and wait until midnight. He’ll be back by then."

She asked Chillax to make her a chamomile tea and sat in the plush, fig-leaf-green armchair across from the clock. She tried to focus on the ticking sound, drowning out her thoughts. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Normally an annoying noise, it was a comforting presence on that endless night.

But as the minutes dragged on, the ticking became deafening, reverberating through her mind until it felt unbearable. That night stretched longer than any other in her life. With every movement of the clock hands, her hope drained away, drop by drop.

When midnight came and went with no sign of Ren, only the oppressive silence and that infernal ticking remained. In a fit of frustration, she hurled her cup at the clock, its shattering sound finally bringing her a sliver of relief.

People don’t get to choose how they feel, she realized. She had known this outcome was inevitable. She had understood it the moment he stepped out the door. Still, she had clung to foolish hopes.

Without Ren, she couldn’t define herself. Who was she, without "us"? Kaede didn’t even know what they wanted from him. Was it because he lied to that man at the event and took the button? Or was there another reason? These questions seemed irrelevant now. All she wanted was for him to be here.

It’s 4:22 AM, and Kaede is trying to gather the pieces of herself. The cold winds of solitude blow through her empty bed. She counts the stars on the ceiling, 143 of them, exactly. She doesn’t know what she feels. Actually, she thinks she feels nothing. But she could never tell anyone that. She’s hollow, as if she’s no longer alive. What should she do? What should she feel?

Ren is gone, and now she’s empty. The only light in her home is the faint glow of the moon. Passing by the mirror, she notices the dark circles under her eyes, like endless pits. 

Max, their Beagle of two years, keeps barking non-stop. The sound echoed within her mind like a hollow cave, bouncing off the walls and returning to her again and again. He knows something’s wrong. Scratching at the door, he wants out. She lets him go. His tricolored figure fades into the darkness.

Left behind, Kaede’s mind races with incoherent images and words flashing inside her. Before Ren, her days were meaningless. Ren is her lifeline, the breath she takes, always in her mind. Since meeting Ren, she hasn’t gone anywhere or done anything without him.

She feels so alone. She doesn’t belong here. She needs to be with Ren. He needs her. She needs him.

To calm herself, she examined "the memory box." The lidded cup Ren had used to drink coffee on their first date was still there. After making sure no one was around, she kissed the cup through the opening. 

Ren's cut hair was there too. Kaede tied each strand together, keeping them as a long lock. She ran her fingers over the dead strands. Ren's hair, unlike his personality, was incredibly soft. 

The necklace Ren had given Kaede as his first gift was kept safe in a special box here. Reaching through the remaining items, she pulled out an album from the bottom. It contained pictures of every place she and Ren had visited together. Gently, Kaede stroked his face in the photos. "He won't be like my father. Ren will come back."

In the distance, she hears barking. Not waiting for Max to return, Kaede grabs a jacket and steps outside.

Max and Kaede walk until dawn. They go to the sea and listen to the waves. Max eventually falls asleep by the shore. She buys a sandwich for herself and some cooked meat for Max from a nearby shop. She feels better. Calmer.

Shaking Max awake, she leaves his leash loose so as not to hurt him. “Let’s go, boy. Follow me.”

He was trained for commands like this. They walk to the nearest metro station. Despite rarely using it before, Kaede appreciated the frequent lines going everywhere. Sitting on the fast-moving train, she played a calm, high-pitched male vocal song.

It had only been one day since Ren left. It felt like an eternity. And in that moment, Kaede knew she couldn’t live without Ren. He is her everything. She’d give anything for him. Die, even kill, if it meant having him.

Kaede knew that she had no choice but to wait as the invisible threads of uncertainty wrapped around her throat like a snake. She didn't know what she was waiting for. Would Ren come back? If he did, how would he come? Was he the person they were looking for? What were they looking for him for? She didn't know. She only wished for his safe return home, and she began to spend the longest, most tedious hours of her life, or at least tried to.