The authenticity within one's personality is mind boggling for Okumori Toshiro

Toshiro Okumori

"Okumori-kun, where should we go? Where should we go?" Miyake jumped.

Do you think I know?! You’re the one who forced me here! Did you really go here without planning things out?

Miyake's eyes sparkled along with her smile getting broader, indicating that she most likely found an answer to her blank-minded question. So, she made the decision to lunge at me to seize my arm and throw me forwards along with her.

Seeing her grab my arm without any care for the misunderstandings other strangers might make made me slightly irritated. Either she's an absolute airhead about this type of stuff, or she's doing this deliberately and just attempting to make me annoyed.

Both were terrible theories, but one of them had to be correct.

Her powerful jerking of my wrist almost made me fall over multiple times while I barely caught myself each time I stumbled. I was so close to falling face-first into the marble floor that we ran on, that I became more worried about fracturing my nose rather than the “date” itself.

I could also smell the fragrant strawberry perfume Miyake had when we had first met while she ran in front of me. As the scent roamed my nose, it strangely made me feel at ease due to its sweetness and freshness. It wasn't too strong to the point where I could barely breathe, but it was a little faint but clearly present.

Of course, that didn't make me act all amiable towards her. I simply disregarded the aroma of perfume and remained conscious of my footing so I wouldn't break my face.

Finally, Miyake stopped in front of a shop. A grateful sigh came out of me, as a peripheral of colorful letters was above us.

"Look, look! Teddy bears! I knew it was here!" Miyake zestfully cried. “It’s so much cooler in person, oh my gooood!”

I left a perplexed gaze at Miyake.

"It's a toy store, Okumori-kun! A toy store!”

How old are you, again? You are sixteen, right? My age? Not some twelve-year-old?

"I'll get you something, how about that?"

Miyake’s eyes were twinkling as she suggested her offer. Her hands were clasped together under her chin, and her smile was the widest I've seen yet.

"Yes? Yes! I'll definitely get you one!" She nodded, overjoyed. “Whaddya’ want? Teddy bears? Dogs? Cats? No, wait, I think a trinket would suit you more! A dog trinket! A cat trinket! No, no, no, a bear trinket! How about that?”

Each and every suggestion from Miyake felt horrendous to me.

Teddy bears are childish, and wouldn't make sense for a guy like me to possess one. Unless I was a female or some little child, then it'd be acceptable. I'd feel like a creep by having one.

Dogs shed. They shed too much. Just the mere thought of them leaving a speck of fur on me would make me beyond infuriated. Their barks are extremely irritating and blaring, added with the fact that they bark at anything that moves. But, the thing I despise most about them was how they attacked. If I saw a rottweiler running at me, I would run for my life.

Cats are the types of animals that would assault you for no apparent reason. If cats were humans, they'd be the type of people who'd wait until you're stuck in an alleyway, then beat you up and rob you. They also shed. I hate shedding. Skinless cats wouldn't change a thing either, they look like goblins.

In much simpler words, I'm allergic to fur, and I just have a belief in not being responsible enough to own a pet.

"Okumori-kun with a teddy bear..." Miyake muttered with an inquisitive face. “That’s kinda cute…”

You're thinking of something weird, aren't you?

She now looked up at me with stern eyes. "It's decided. I'm gonna get you a teddy bear."

"No." I retorted right away.

"Mhm." Miyake strongly nodded.

"No."

"Yes."

"N-"

"Yes."

I bit my lip in resentment. I then zipped my mouth and looked away from Miyake in vexation.

After Miyake took in my mute reply, a triumphant giggle came out of her. "Don't be so sulky about it."

“It’ll be nice, I swear!” She said while she went straight inside the toy store and began to search.

I avoided placing my eyes on Miyake by turning around and just staring at the people who passed by, while Miyake’s swift footsteps continued behind me. Whispers of: "Ooh..." and "This looks cute..." As well as "What color should the ribbon be...?" Entered my ears, no matter how much I wanted to ignore them.

Then, Miyake decided to do something humiliating.

"What should we name the teddy bear, Okumori-kun? Poochie? Bear? Baby? Teddy?" She shouted across the toy store.

I felt hot across my cheeks and ears as I listened to Miyake, ashamed by her inattentiveness.

Just how sanguine is she? Saying those words so nonchalantly is going to cause misinterpretations, and that's the last thing I want during this pseudo-” date.”

She didn’t even pick one out yet, I assume, because she was jumping up and down in the aisle ahead empty-handed when I gave a glance at her. Also, what's with those names? They're the most stereotypical ones I've heard. Poochie? Teddy? Seriously, what’s with that?

I shook my head with askance to her cringe suggestions. If I was the one to receive the bear, then it should be my responsibility for it and my choice of what I name it.

Or so I want to believe. Knowing Miyake's nature of compelling and intolerable assertiveness, she'd be the type to do tasks without others' considerations.

In this case, it was about a teddy bear's name.

"Wait, look at this one, Okumori-kun!"

Miyake now had a teddy bear gripped in both of her hands, and it was surprisingly big and looked like the size of someone’s torso.

Its black-beaded eyes that were present shone in the white light that came upon the bear, and its light-brown fabric body seemed soft and comfy in Miyake's small yet delicate hands. On the small bear's neck was a ribbon that was in the color of a silky-like navy blue that was glossy and a little offset to the right.

She came over to me while hugging the teddy bear tightly in her arms with a dainty grin.

"Aoi! It should be named Aoi!" Miyake added.

I opened my mouth to speak but closed it almost instantly. If I'm being truthful, the name Aoi made sense. Aoi meant the color “blue.” And so, the ribbon that was wrapped around the bear's neck was, well, blue.

"Cute, right?! It looks so cute! Cute!"

... Is she not able to think of another word other than 'cute?'

"Cute!" She repeated, now bringing it a little higher.

I soon came to notice that everyone inside the toy store was looking at Miyake with bemused eyes. It only made me feel more embarrassed than I already was. They then looked over to me, to which I responded with a shy nod.

Ignore me. I don't know her. I'm just here for something else. She's a complete stranger.

"Speaking of names, I should call you something other than Okumori-kun..." She pointed at me.

I wasn’t sure whether to feel worried or surprised about her idea. I looked at her with oddity, not exactly sure if I was going to be pleased by whatever name she chose.

"Oku... Ko... Ku..." Miyake mumbled, trying to find a name. Then, after a few seconds of random pronunciations, she'd finally spark with excitement. "Ki! Ki-kun! How's that? It sounds cute, doesn't it?!"

No. I hate it already.

"Ki-kun! Ki-kun. Ki-kun?" She repeated over and over.

Stop it already! You’re making us just seem weirder in front of all these people!

As she continuously repeated her newfound name for me, the strangers in the toy store continued to watch us in a variety of ways. Some were confused, some were smiling, and some had... Covetous eyes? I wasn't sure of it, but I wasn't willing to find out either.

If people were jealous of this type of human interaction, then they're some sort of a psychopath.

"Ki-kun, what do you think of the teddy bear?"

I refused.

Other than the fact that I absolutely despise its presence, as well as having a churning sensation in my stomach just by staring at it— I feel like a five-year-old all over again.

"I'll take that as a yes!”

I just have no say in what I want, do I?

"Look at Ki-kun, being all pouty..." Miyake teased. "Here, this should comfort you!"

She forced the bear upon me by resting its arms around my neck and having its head lean on my shoulder. She let go, stepped back, and clapped.

"Hehe..." Miyake chortled.

She then pulled her phone out and pointed it at me to take a screenshot. There was a white flash that blinded me, and an annoying, scheming laugh that told me that she was thinking of doing something odd with the photo she had taken of me.

I blinked repeatedly to get rid of the purple-reddish color that was in my eyes, squinting and shaking my head from the little migraine in my head. When I came back to reality, I saw an ignorant Miyake who was too eager to show me whatever was on her phone.

"Look how cute you look with the teddy bear, Ki-kun! Look, look!” She exclaimed.

In the phone she held so jauntily, was me. My wavy, dark black hair reached down to the lifeless purple eyes I had, with a face devoid of any expression at all, and the teddy bear that clung onto me was now almost falling off; its arms slowly drifting away from my neck.

Miyake attempting to support me with those fake words of encouragement didn't help the repulsed look on my face as I stared at myself in the photo.

Seriously, was this how I appeared in public? It's sickening to look at.

She snatched the teddy bear away from me and joyfully approached the cashier. "Okay, I'm buying it now!"

When Miyake arrived in front of the cashier, she handed it over for the cashier to scan.

"That'll be seven-thousand yen." A girl informed her with a luring grin after she was done.

Wait, seven thousand?! How did she even get there so fast?

Miyake opened her wallet with joy and pulled out the required yen. "Sure!"

Where did you even find that much? Seven-thousand yen? For a teddy bear? How desperate are you?

I approached the cashier counter briskly and grabbed Miyake's shoulder. Confused, but joyously, she looked up at me.

"Hm…?" Miyake said peacefully.

I took a deep breath before forcing myself to speak. I tried to sound confident but failed miserably.

"I-It's seven-thousand yen..." A low-toned, tense whisper left my mouth.

"I know," Miyake assured.“Why?”

I tried to argue against her clueless-like response."Er- No- You shouldn't-"

She’d bring her finger to my lips and pushed inwards, making me stagger back while I watched her in shock and discomfiture.

"Shh… You don't have to pay me back.”

There was that incandescence that activated within me. It wasn’t that embarrassed, hot warmth, or that antsy attitude, but it was spite.

… Because I have forgotten how much I truly hated Miyake. This magnanimity was just one of the many things I loathed about her audacious personality.

I hate this feeling of relief. I hate this feeling of guilt. I hate this philanthropy she always offers me.

I hate how I'm getting so angry at something so minimally such as this. I feel like a bratty five-year-old that’s way too cosseted.

I hate it all.

I know what she's trying to accomplish, and I hold a grudge for it.

The truth of it was that I knew what she and my mom had talked about when they had met. It fueled my antipathy, and it continues to intensify each day I see Miyake.

"Don’t hurt him.” I mocked in my head. “Toshiro hasn’t told you why he acts like that, has he?”

I don’t get it. Why is everyone always like this? Am I not good enough as it is? Why do I deserve this?

I’m just a simple kid, damn it. I fight myself over and over again just to paint the picture of a paradigm- an ideal, content world where I can be myself, just like everyone else.

But I struggle to even believe in myself. I sometimes ponder for hours, wondering, speculating that I’m way too young to be the way I am. Who the hell is going to believe me, anyway? I don’t want to comprehend the fact that I have mental issues. I don’t want to blame my severe introverted frame of mind, and sociopathic outlook on life on my intellectual disabilities.

The thought of not being able to smile right in front of the situation of hilarity irks me, but I simply like to believe that I’ve just outgrown my humor. The idea of barely speaking and ignoring others is just something I believe is a part of maturing and observing. The immense unfaithfulness I hold to myself is just the pragmatic way of life that I consider is the usual disloyalty everybody holds against themselves.

That’s why I’m as genuine as it is.

So, why is Miyake doing this? Does she not question these choices she so carelessly makes? What makes her so cordial with me? What makes her think that I need her pity?

Isn't she just another girl who's in love with conceitedness?

I don't understand it.

Why is she buying this for me? What did I do for her?

I don't understand it at all, and I hate it.

But, even if I don't understand this random act of benignity, I won't take chances either.

That's why I'll need to do everything I can to make us complete strangers again. I don't want to be indebted to her, even if it's something as small as this. It'll just become another poor excuse to continue this mess of a relationship we have.

I don't want it. I don't need it. I don't like it.

I hate it.

"Ki-kun...?" Miyake whispered. "Are you okay?"

I looked back up and realized that my grip on her shoulder was beginning to form a pained expression on Miyake’s face.

"It kinda hurts, Ki-kun..." She whimpered.

"Sorry," I reeled in my hand.

I reached in my pocket and pulled out my wallet, opening and scanning what was inside. I pulled out the required amount of yen and set it on the table.

Miyake, realizing what I did, instantly let out a shriek.

"Huuuh?! No, I'll buy it! I want to get you something!"

I shook my head.

"A-Are you sure?! It's seven-thousand yen!"

So it’s weird if I pull the seven-thousand yen now?

I ignored her and watched the cashier awkwardly stuff the yen inside the cash register while she listened to our quarrel. I could spot the beads of sweat rolling down her forehead while Miyake berated me.

"I-Is that it?" The cashier asked politely.

I nodded, then eyed Miyake.

She had tears formed in her eyes while she whined like a dog. "Yes… That’s it…”

The teddy bear that I had just bought would eventually land itself in Miyake's arms, who held it as if she just won a participation award with displeasure.

What are you? A kid? You're embarrassing me. Stop it.