Accountant in Space

"I think that went pretty well." Randy claimed as he sat back in his driver's seat, sipping on his cola flavored slushy that he purchased from the 11/7 convenience store, which we were currently parked in front of.

Nearly dumping my big chug sized cup of Dr. Pipper all over myself, I turned toward him from the passenger seat. "Are you serious? That went terribly! We didn't make a single stollar and nearly got killed."

"Sometimes you gotta spend money to make money. Think of the vegetable people as a test run." He took another slurp from his slushy. "I'm sure our next attempt will go better for sure."

I sighed as I pulled up a spreadsheet on my phone. "That's the thing, I just crunched some numbers and no matter how many burgers we sell, with our current expenses, it's impossible for us to profit."

"Re-run those numbers, little bro. That's got to be a mistake. All the spending we've done so far has been completely necessary."

Just as he said that, my phone dinged with a notification for a purchase from Amerzom. "An inflatable wavy arm guy is a necessary purchase?"

He nodded. "Of course it is. We want our business to be fun and inviting, don't we?"

I scrolled over to my next spreadsheet. "Not to mention the excessively low prices you've set. I don't think we can profit off two stollar burgers."

"That price seems reasonable to me. I set it based on my gut instincts and what burgers would have cost in our grandfather’s day." He countered.

It didn't seem like this little intervention was getting anywhere. No matter what I brought up, he refused to admit he was wrong.

"You can deny facts all day long, Randy, but we're upside down financially. I think we need to talk with an accountant and get this sorted out."

"Don't be ridiculous, we've managed perfectly fine so far."

My phone buzzed with another notification from Amerzom. "You bought a kayak?" I cast a judging glare at him.

He finally cracked. "Alright fine, we'll talk to an accountant... but I'm keeping the kayak."

I pulled up Spoogle and searched for accounting services near Space Chicago. A dozen or so results came up. "This top one's got pretty good reviews. The accountant-bots seem like they're pretty up to date."

"Lemme see that." He snatched my phone and began scrolling for himself. "This one right here. ‘Astro Accounting LLC’, I like the way that sounds."

"But there's no reviews. I don't think choosing an accounting firm based on its name is a good idea."

"How many times do I got to tell you? Butts are for crapping." He fired up the engine, completely disregarding what I was saying.

At the very least, he did agree to see an accountant. I couldn't complain too much. With that, he stomped on the accelerator and launched us off this asteroid truckstop back towards Space Chicago.

🍔🍔🍔

"I think we have the wrong place." I said as the two of us stood behind a warehouse in the middle of a business park in a northern suburb of Space Chicago.

"Spoogle Maps never lies. It's got to be around here somewhere. Let's try asking someone." Noticing a robot, wearing an orange reflective vest and a yellow hard hat, guiding a space semi that was backing up to the warehouse dock, he called out to it, "Yo robo-bro!"

The robot halted the semi for a moment and approached us. "Can I help you? Beep bop."

"Yeah, we're looking for...uh... What's it called again, little bro?"

"Astro Accounting LLC."

"That is next door. Beep bop." The robot pointed at what looked like a small aluminum tool shed on the edge of the lot.

We approached the structure and sure enough, written on a little plaque to the left of the shed door was, "Astro Accounting LLC."

So far based on appearances, I wasn't confident. "It isn't too late for us to find another accounting service, Randy."

"We're already here. Let's give it a chance." He proceeded to knock on the door.

There was a bumping noise like someone fell out of a chair, then a woman's voice rang through the door. "The warehouse is next door."

"We're actually here for the accounting service." I responded.

There was a moment of silence followed by the sound of a vacuum, as if whoever was inside was rushing to straighten up. The woman spoke again, "come in."

We entered and once inside, it was apparent that this was just one of those cheap pre-built tool sheds from the hardware store that someone just slapped in the middle of a parking lot. There was a wooden office desk set up in the center and at it sat a bespectacled woman who appeared to be in her mid twenties. She looked almost entirely human, with the exception of her green skin and the two antennae that stuck out of her red hair that was pulled back into a messy bun.

"Is the robo-accountant not in?" I wondered.

"No, I'm the accountant." She casually retorted.

That was unusual. A person manually doing a job like accounting was completely unheard of. Considering what my brother and I were doing though, who was I to judge?

Randy sat down and silently stared at her intensely.

She had a slightly creeped out look on her face. "Is he alright?"

Judging from the way Randy was acting, I couldn't help, but wonder if he was experiencing "love at first sight".

Abruptly, he took his arm and swept it across her desk, knocking all her office supplies to the floor. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and slammed it on the desk. "You're the chick from the magazine!"

It was the centerfold he had stolen from that swimsuit magazine at the law firm.

Her cheeks suddenly became red, as she covered her face with her hand. She mumbled, embarrassed as she shook her head. "That's my mom."

"Woah, really!?... Is she single?" Randy exclaimed, looking intrigued.

She let out a sigh. "That picture's from thirty years ago and I'll have you know she's happily married to my father."

There was an awkward tension my brother had created. He definitely crossed a line he shouldn't have. I got up and hung my head apologetically. "I'm really sorry to waste your time, miss, we'll see ourselves out." Grabbing Randy by the arm, I began pulling him toward the exit.

Just when we were halfway out the door, she called out to us. "Wait, come back!..." Her still flushed face had a look of desperation on it. "...You're the first potential clients I've ever had."

Randy and I exchanged sympathetic glances with each other and sat back down.

I attempted to break the ice. "We should probably introduce ourselves. I'm Ralphy Rodgers."

"And I'm Randy Rodgers, President and Co-founder of Space Burgers LLC... And also your future stepfath-."

I nudged Randy in the ribs to shut him up before he offended even anymore.

"Nice to make your acquaintance, Randy and Ralphy. I'm Mindy ⍲⎾⟟ℇ☊."

The word she used for her last name was a noise I couldn't quite comprehend. "Could you repeat that?"

"Yeah, it's Mindy ⍲⎾⟟ℇ☊."

"Yeah, I'm just going to refer to you as Mindy the accountant chick." Randy didn't even bother trying to pronounce that.

"Whatever works for you. It doesn't really matter to me." She flipped on her holo-laptop to take notes. "So, can you give me a little background on your business?"

"We're just two brothers traveling the galaxy in our space food truck, serving up the greatest burgers in the universe." Randy proudly proclaimed.

"And how's that working out for you?" She flatly responded.

I proceeded to present my spreadsheet. "Well... Not so great. We haven't made any real sales yet and we... *Cough* my brother *Cough* have a bit of an expense issue. Personally, I also think our price margins are too low."

She adjusted her glasses, looking impressed. "Wow, you know your way around a spreadsheet. Based on what you're showing me, I'd say you're spot on. If you send that over, I can input that into InDoit SpaceBooks and run you some profit and loss reports."

"I love you." I unintentionally blurted out.

"Wait, what?" She awkwardly paused.

I sunk into my chair as I casually laughed it off. "I mean I really love that accounting program you have."

Randy bit his lip, holding in his laughter, as he obnoxiously poked my arm under the desk.

"I do a full book keeping service, so if you send me receipts and bank statements, I can keep track of all that. I can also help you file your taxes in April." She slid her card across the table to us.

Picking it up, I slipped it into my pocket. "I definitely would be happy to do business with you. I'm a bit curious though, what made you become an accountant. I didn't really think people did jobs like this these days."

"It's nothing exciting. I went to college and graduated just to realize accounting is a completely useless degree, since the industry is completely dominated by robots. After all the time I wasted though, I decided to be the first person in hundreds of years to get their Certified Galactic Account (CGA) License and start my own practice." She shrugged. "I guess I can say I'm in the same boat as you guys."

"Entrepreneurs like us gotta stick together." Randy agreed as he put his hand out to shake hers.

She reciprocated. "Yeah, sounds good to me."

"By the way. Could I get your mom's phone num-."

There was a cracking noise. The next thing I knew, there was a red handmark across Randy's face.

She adjusted her glasses and continued speaking like nothing happened. "Yeah so shoot me over all your guys' info and I'll get to work."

Afraid my brother was going to push his luck further, I quickly waived her goodbye and escorted him out.

As we walked back to the ship, he turned to me. "I got to say, I have a good feeling about that accountant chick." He smirked and nudged my shoulder. "I saw you get flustered in there. You got the hots for her don't you."

My cheeks turned red, as I stuttered. "N-no, I-I just really respect h-her craft."

He continued to razz me. "Oh come on, don't cowfart me. I think she's into you too. Why else would she give you her number."

"That was her business card." I shot back.

"Whatever you say, little bro, but just so you know, I'm rooting for you one hundred percent. Personally I find her personality a bit too dry and uptight for me. I’m more interested in her mom. Who knows, maybe one day you'll be both my brother and step-son-in-law." He let out a laugh.

Unsure how to respond to that, I just kept walking. My brother could think what he wanted, but I was definitely more confident now that Mindy was helping us with our finances... I will admit, I do admire a woman who's organized and good with numbers... and I won't deny, she wasn't bad looking either.