Into the Mist

Dango strokes my head and says the name “Beatrice”. His fingers slowly detach from my hair, but I remain motionless, my heart pounding so hard it hurts. The name echoes in my head. It doesn't belong to me. It's a gift I don't deserve. When I look up, I meet his eyes. They seem more... human, less threatening, but it's just an impression. I can't trust him.

I get up with Pierrot and follow Dango's instructions, starting to clean the kitchen. Pierrot isn't very talkative. It tries to interact, but I just respond with nods or a few words. My mind is elsewhere. Every now and then I think back to the touch on my head, to the name he gave me. Its voice was gentle at that moment, but I can't forget what I've heard. It's a strange, unsettling man. Something about it is out of place, and I can't ignore it.

We spend the whole next day the same way. Pierrot and I clean the kitchen non-stop. There's a lot of dirt all over the house and we don't know how long it will take. How did Dango manage to live here all this time?

Pierrot still tries to converse. It started telling me what happened since it met Dango. I listen in silence.

Every now and then I feel uncomfortable under its curious gaze, as if it wants to understand me more than I want to be understood. I wonder if it notices that every time he gets too close or Dango passes near me, my body stiffens.

Evening comes quickly. After barely finishing a third of the kitchen, I head to the living room to find Dango. I don't even know why I'm doing it. Maybe it's a sense of guilt. I don't belong here after all. I'm just an object here, a worthless possession.

I find him sitting with his gaze lost in a movie. I approach slowly, with my hands clasped in front of me, nervous. I stop next to the armchair. When he finally notices me, he asks gently, without taking his eyes off the screen «Do you need anything?»

I gather all my courage. «D-Dango... I-I think you should go back to sleep in your bed. I-I... I can stay in the living room.»

He looks at me for a moment, as if he doesn't understand. «No, that's fine.»

I can't accept it. I can't let him sacrifice himself for me. «I-I don't think it's right. The bed is yours. I-I don't want to steal it from you.»

He smiles weakly. «You're not stealing it. I offered it to you more than willingly. You deserve to sleep comfortably.»

I don't stop. I clench my hands tighter. «No, I... If you want, we can... share it.» My voice fades at the end, almost muffled by embarrassment.

I see him stiffen, and then his cheeks flush. The embarrassment on his face is evident. I think he'll accept... Yes, after all, how could he not?

He looks me straight in the eyes, taking a few moments to think.

«Beatrice... thank you, but it's okay like this.»

His words are kind, they hit me harder than they should. But I can't ignore the expression I saw on his face a moment ago. It seemed almost... happy, at the thought of sleeping with me. And yet, as soon as he calmly refuses, I feel a tightness in my chest. It's as if, despite everything, he doesn't really want me. As if I'm too monstrous even for him.

«Okayt.» I mumble, turning away quickly.

I go back to the bedroom, unable to look at him anymore.

…

It's 9 pm when I hear noises coming from the hallway. I leave the room and find Pierrot and Dango at the front door, Dango is putting on a jacket with triangular neons of all colors.

«I'll be back late tonight.» he says, glancing casually at me and Pierrot. Then he adds with a smile «Don't stay up waiting for me.»

His words leave me feeling uneasy. Where is he going? What is he going to do?

I watch him leave and close the door behind him.

We remain silent. Pierrot simply waits a few minutes before leaving too. I'm left alone in the house.

***

Dango's point of view:

The film plays on the screen. What's it about? Every now and then I hear Pierrot and Beatrice's voices. I told myself I would write something today. I don't feel like it. What did the protagonists say? How far along are Pierrot and Beatrice? I wonder how Beatrice is doing here. It's only been two days. I hope she's okay. The day is weighing me down, and yet I haven't done anything. I've wasted another day.

A movement. Beatrice. She's standing to my left, why does she have her hands clasped in front of her?

«Do you need anything?»

She hesitates. Her voice trembles when she finally speaks. «Dango... I-I think you should go back to sleep in your bed. I-I... I can stay in the living room.»

Smile, can't you see she's nervous? I don't understand why. I don't want her to worry. I'm fine like this. The couch is uncomfortable. Look at her.

«No, it's fine like this.»

Damn, why don't I smile?

She clenches her hands tighter. She's not convinced. She insists. «I-I don't think it's right. The bed is yours. I-I don't want to steal it from you.»

Steal it? What is she saying? It's not a problem. Come on, smile. Reassure her.

«You're not stealing it. I offered it to you more than willingly. You deserve to sleep comfortably.»

Why does she want to take my place? She's kind, how sweet. Or is she forced? And if she's uncomfortable? But the TV is still on? Damn, that's annoying. Maybe I should stop it for a moment.

«No, I... If you want, we can... share it.»

Eh?…

My heart races. My head explodes in a thousand thoughts. Share it? With her? Why is she saying that? Is she serious? Did Pierrot tell her? I'm blushing. I feel the heat on my cheeks. Does she really want to share it? She doesn't seem convinced. Does she feel obligated? I don't want to pressure her. Better leave her alone while she settles in.

«Beatrice…» I look into her eyes. I don't want to sound rude, but I can't accept. Damn, but I want to say yes. Say yes.

«Thank you, but it's fine like this.»

Stupid! Why didn't you accept? Mah, it's okay.

Her face changes again. I don't know how to describe it. Before it was negative in one way and now it's negative in another. What were those words? I can't remember.

«Okay.» Her voice seems to have lowered. She turns before I can say anything else. I watch her walk away. Inside I feel a void that weighs more than usual. Maybe I should talk to her.

«Gasp!» I turn to the TV. The movie is still going.

I go back to watching the movie.

…

The movie is over. It wasn't anything special…

Damn! I forgot to talk to Bea!…

Maybe I should leave it for tonight. Maybe it's better to take a walk.

I go to the corridor. I open the wardrobe near the door. Before going out, I better go to the bathroom and change the water in the olives.

After going to the bathroom, I go to the kitchen. Why am I in the kitchen? I had to go out. I turn around and go back to the wardrobe, grab my jacket. Is it correct to call it a jacket? Maybe it's a trench... no, a coat.

When Pierrot and Beatrice arrived? What are they doing here? I don't want any questions. I need to get out, to breathe.

«I'll be back late tonight.» I say, without looking at them directly.

It feels like a funeral. I should say something cool. No, better a joke like “Mom, Dad, don't stay up waiting for me”. Yeah, it's funny. I'm already smiling before I've said it.

«Don't stay up waiting for me.»

They both look at me without smiling or saying a word.

Better go. I feel their eyes on me as I close the door behind me.

I go out of the building. Yay! There's fog! How cool.

I turn off the neons and close my coat. I should look dark. I start walking. The cold, humid evening air hits my face, a small temporary relief.

The streets are busy, vehicles can't fly because of poor visibility. Every step I take is accompanied by the low hum of passing vehicles.

Bioluminescent trees line the sidewalks. Guided through the fog by the milky green light of the leaves.

I stop for a moment to look at the mushrooms at the base of a tree. It reminds me of a biology lesson about them. They weren't modified in the lab like the first trees, but they grew on them on their own. They are essential for plant life. Alone they would die for lack of essential nutrients. One day, bioluminescent fungi appeared on a tree, they wanted to eradicate them, but they noticed that thanks to them, the tree was able to live. The fungi feed on the fallen leaves of the tree, hence their bioluminescence, then they pass part of their energy to the tree to make it live and proliferate to feed again. In practice, it's as if the tree was the parasite of the fungus. Anyway, they are both a good source of free and clean light, not to mention that trees absorb carbon dioxide and produce oxygen.

A trail of yellow neons passes behind the tree. I was enchanted by the mushrooms. I start walking slowly, my hands buried in the pockets of my duster. Now I would like a risotto with mushrooms. I wonder what those bioluminescent ones taste like. Too bad it's illegal to sell or collect them.

I think about Beatrice's face. How she looked at me earlier, with that sadness that I can't shake. It's my fault she's in this situation now. And what if she doesn't like me? What if she feels bad with us?

I cross an intersection. The green luminous lines mark the pedestrian path under my feet. A vehicle stops in front of me, its profile is as shiny as glass.

For an evening where you can't see anything, there are a lot of people around. How annoying, it's night, there's fog, stay at home. At least they could take off those stupid mask phones when they walk. I hate not being able to see where they're looking. It annoys me just thinking about being watched by them.

I pass a couple of law enforcement officers. What are they doing out and about? It seems like there are more and more of them lately. It must be to make sure there aren't too many accidents.

What was I thinking about? Oh, right... Beatrice...

Should I do more for her? No, better leave it alone before I make things worse.

But... she's really cute, too much so for someone like me. Maybe she didn't really want to share the bed. Maybe she just asked out of politeness... Maybe she was sincere!… No, I shouldn't get my hopes up...

Of course Pierrot could have covered her up more before bringing her home. No, I shouldn't think about those things. I don't blame her if she hates me... I'm just a beast.