Distant Memories

“Allie,” a familiar voice echoed.

Her soothing voice brought a sense of peace he longed for in his later days. He felt a cold sensation course through his weightless body, awaiting the inevitable. Was this death; This empty feeling that left no more pain or happiness? Was he free to be returning to the nothingness in which all came? He kept his eyes closed, allowing the universe to answer for him.

“Hey, you!” her voice called once more. “C’mon, you’re always sleeping! Get up already!”

His dark brown eyes opened to see the clear sky. The cool, fresh air rustles the lush green trees. He sat up without the sensation of pain, his attention immediately fixated on a beautiful red-headed woman. Her freckles dotted her fair skin underneath her light brown eyes. Her sundress drafted against the fall breeze, presenting her slender figure. She kneeled down next to him with a widening smirk; He couldn’t hide his confusion.

“Are you alright?” she continued. “Looks like you saw a ghost, Allie.”

“I—I… “ he struggled to speak.

“Seriously, you need to get out more! Look at those bags under your eyes.”

“I’m sorry. There’s just so much to—Read up on.”

“Spending your life in books isn’t much for a living, especially if you ain’t experiencing nothing the world offers. Am I right, Mr. Philosopher?”

Alejandro’s confused gaze met her cheeky smile. His memories trickled, recognizing the redhead was someone he loved long ago, and those creeping feelings arose when their eyes met. He remembered the importance of the day as she glanced over at the lake past the trees.

“Frances?” he muttered.

“Yeah, what’s up?” she responded.

“What—Are we doing out here again?”

“Jeez, you see! This is what I’m talking about! What am I going to do about you?”

“I dunno, take away my books?”

Her jovial laugh, as heartwarming as it was, reminded Alejandro of someone else.

“You’d kick and holler more than the guys complaining about their guns bein’ taken away!”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“We’re going by the lake to spend some time. I know you’ve been doing your research, but I wanted to take you out for a bit.”

“Wha—Shouldn’t I have been one that proposed the idea?”

“Does it matter? I got you out here, didn’t I?”

“True.”

“So…Mission accomplished!”

The wanderer saw the basket of food she prepared, visibly guilty for not having contributed. She took him by his hand, her touch sending chills down his spine. Frances helped him onto his feet before handing him the basket.

Is this real life or fantasy? He thought with a blank stare.

“Since I helped you up,” she smiled. “You can carry the basket. It’s the least you can do.”

“Huh? Yeah, sure.”

It wasn’t long before they reached the sandy beach. The sea-green water spanned beyond the tall cliff to the south. The scent of salty water filled his senses, evoking locked-away thoughts.

They sat toward the center to admire the seafaring expanse. He observed the small, rolling waves by the shore crashing onto the sand. His eyes began to close, feeling at ease.

“Seriously? I might need to put you asleep when we get back to town.”

“I’ll take you up on that.”

Alejandro smiled back, slipping his boots off before walking toward the spreading water. Upon seeing his reflection, he saw his neatly trimmed beard, long tamed hair with recognizable brown eyes, and the decent body shape felt foreign to him. His lips parted as he held his trembling hands.

“Hey, I’m kinda hungry!” she said. “We aren’t fishing to make a sandwich.”

“R—Right, I just didn’t realize how tired I looked,” he responded.

He acknowledged her radiance as he sat next to her. She handed him a sandwich, a tuna sandwich, his favorite. They watched the gentle shores in silence while they ate. He glanced at her frown with her eyes cast in the distance.

“Are you alright?” he asked with concern.

“Yeah, just thinking back,” she forced a smile. “On when we first met.”

“Ah… You mean when I pleaded with you not to jump off the cliff?”

“I’ve never seen anyone so worried about me, especially since I jump off all the time yet you insisted.”

“And I jumped after you.”

“And—You couldn’t swim.”

“I feel so stupid right now.”

“Don’t be! You’re with me now. Sounds like a win-win!”

He couldn’t tell whether he was dreaming or dying, but the day was as beautiful as he remembered. She brushed away her hair from her gingerly face before changing the topic.

“So, how’s your little research going?” she asked.

“Please refresh me on that one. I feel like I just take in whatever I read but can’t remember a damned thing,” he admitted.

“I—hope you won’t be doing that all your life. We only have one life, y’know?”

“I know—Knowledge is meant to be shared.”

What he said sounded unusual, since it countered the prevailing belief he held.

“Wow,” she gasped. “I’ve never heard you say that before. Shared? Trying to be a teacher or something?”

“No! Well, I’m not sure where that came from.”

“There you go.”

“What?”

“Your mental health. Allie, I know you love to read and learn about the old world, but there’s just more to life than that.”

“Uh? Like what?”

Frances slammed the basket into his back, his back arched reflexively as he withheld his yelp. He turned toward her with a wince, find her holding back tears. Alejandro reached over to console her. He remembered how neglectful he was of her needs, although she was always by his side. Frances was the only woman who ever loved him.

“I worry about you,” her voice trembled. “You get so lost within yourself, you ignore everything else.”

Although his lips parted, he couldn’t summon the words to set her at ease.

“That’s why I wanted to bring you here today. You probably don’t remember the significance of today.”

Frances found a blank expression as he tried to figure it out.

“Don’t speak,” she chuckled. “I’m not mad at you. What matters is you’re here with me on our anniversary.”

“God—I shouldn’t be forgetting those sorts of things.”

“I’m not mad at you, really.”

Déjà vu.

“Thank you for always being here for me. For always bringing me back to reality when I drift off. You cared when I couldn’t care about myself.”

“I mean, it’s a hell of a job, but I have no regrets. You’re special to me. Sure, you might be grumpy sometimes, but you’re a kind person. I feel comfortable around you. We even get along in the worst of times.”

“And it goes back to why I brought you here.”

Frances reached to the side of her, revealing two matching rings. He recognized the family heirloom she showed once a while back. She took him by his hand, slipping on a simple silver band on his finger. He looked into her eyes as her freckles hid her flushed cheeks.

“Will you marry me?” she asked.

Alejandro choked as he tried to maintain his eye contact.

“This is embarrassing. I—Should be the one doing this. You’ve done everything to make me happy…But I’ve given you nothing but strife.”

“Doesn’t matter who proposes. What matters is the answer, silly.”

She got on her knees, awaiting his response. His memories flooded with images of the future he wanted. The thought of settling down, having kids, and growing old with her meant everything. It was something he knew he didn’t deserve. He took a deep breath, knowing the answer. Whether it was a fever dream or a second chance, he was a slave to fate. He couldn’t alter the course of time, even if he wanted it. His eyes welled as his lips quivered.

“I can’t.”

She clutched her chest, pained by his response.

“Why? Why?”

“I—Want to become a wanderer.”

“I’ve lost sleep over you; I’ve cried for you… All I ever wanted is what I know we’ve both wanted. Yet—You’re telling me you want to side with those that brought our world to ruin? They’ll drive you out of town!”

“Frances, I love you, I do, but I want to make a difference! There’s nothing here I can do—"

“You can stay with me!”

“This is the choice I’ve made. I—”

“Wanderers were selfish, but you—You’re different. That’s not a life for you.”

Frances chuckled with a stream of tears as she glanced toward the shore.

“What have you sacrificed?” her voice trembled, looking into his eyes.

“Not a thing,” he admitted. “But this isn’t about me—"

“You’d give up everything you love?”

“Frances, I’ll always love you.”

“I—I can’t do this. I’ve done everything to appease you, but you ignore my simple request. I’m just a simple woman with needs and hope. And a dream that we can probably grow together.”

He tightened his lips with a tear rolling down his face as she stormed off. She forgot about the ring on his finger, forever symbolizing the bond they shared. Alejandro watched the gentle shores alone, listening to the gentle water. He knew the future he wanted wasn’t where he belonged.

I’m just a puppet to fate, aren’t I? Do I regret it? Do I embrace it? I don’t know.

He closed his eyes, dropping the last of his tears, opening them only to find abject darkness. His eyes darted in a panic, soon hearing a familiar voice calling him back. Alejandro ran toward the familiar voice, seeing no end in the darkness.

“Allie?” a woman’s voice called.

Once he came to, it was early morning, confused and shivering to a cold draft. He laid in bed with a sore body; The crackling fireplace was the first thing he heard when he regained his hearing. The wanderer turned to see her hand rested upon his. His parched mouth made it difficult for him to speak.

“Here I thought I lost you,” Enne leaned against him with watery eyes.

“What happened?” he spoke.

“You were at death’s door, Allie.”

He thought about his dream, remembering how vivid it was after so many centuries. He wondered what would’ve happened if he chose not to become a wanderer. Enne watched his confusion while interlocking their fingers. Little did he know, he had to be revived several times throughout the days. She used her mana on him, harming herself in the process.

“Kenneth told me everything that happened,” she spoke, feeling his noted reluctance to answer. “Why didn’t you turn back?”

“We had a job to do,” he responded. “What if more would’ve come from the mine shaft? We’d have more problems.”

“It isn’t more important than your life! Nothing is more important than your life. How long have you known about your condition?”

“Over a year. The more mana I use, the more my body deteriorates. I—I didn’t want to worry you.”

“So, this was the alternative?”

“No, I don’t know what I was thinking. I just wanted to get it done and over with. I’ve lived my entire life traveling, but I accomplished nothing. I just thought I could make myself useful.”

He scrunched the blanket into his hand.

“You know, someday I’ll be gone. I’d like to know I died for a cause. Maybe I could redeem myself.”

Enne found the abysmal sadness in his eyes, a melancholy overwhelmed her heart as painful memories bubbled. She held him in her arms when he suddenly burst into tears, comforting him in her warm embrace in silence.

Looking at the hand that held his, Enne saw his memories, feeling everything between Alejandro and his prospective fiancé. He gave up everything to be where he was today, but he became a sadder man through his experiences. But she didn’t want to pry. Enne let him cry as long as he needed, understanding the well of pain he carried throughout his existence.

The goddess can be so cruel.



Interestingly, this was something written in the drafts for the direct follow-up for this story!
Considering the previous chapter, I felt it to be a great opportunity to elaborate on Alejandro's past.
It was a bit heartbreaking for me to write.
What would you give up for power? The thing you love the most?
Well... That was the point to this.
But of course, thanks for reading!
Leave a like and a comment about how you felt about this chapter. :3