1 laza/Paradigm - Chapter 5: A Disappearing Flower

Sayuri didn't return that night. 

Her room was empty when I checked first thing the next morning, a lingering suspicion turned reality when I saw her empty and well-made bed. This isn't the first time that she's suddenly disappeared almost at a whim, but every time that she has, she'd always come back the same day, if not the next morning. Sayuri's extremely persistent when it comes to caring for my needs, so for her to leave me alone for more than a day, much less three, leaves me perplexed.

To say that I'm not concerned would be a lie, but it isn't Sayuri that I'm concerned about right now. If anything, I'd be more concerned for anybody that tries doing something to her. No, what worries me the most right now is the 'why.' Why did she leave last night, and why didn't she come back? Perhaps it has to do with whatever it is that she's been investigating since I moved in with her. 

Whatever the reason may be, there's not much that I can do about it. I'm not so dependant on Sayuri to where I can't function if she's gone, so there isn't a sense of urgency to motivate me into looking for her. As heartless as it may seem, my only option is to do as she previously ordered me to and stay inside while the black veins around my eyes fade. 

Making do with bowls of cereal as my breakfast and whatever microwavables I had left for lunch, I haven't been starving after the sole provider of my meals disappeared, but I can't say that her presence isn't missed. Surprisingly, she's left her phone in her room as well, so on the second day of her disappearance, I had to deal with answering a call from one of her coworkers. I'm not sure how many sick days Sayuri has, so I hope her workplace is a bit more lenient about those things in case she doesn't come back soon.

It didn't take long for me to realize that being allowed to go outside my room during my isolation doesn't change the amount of boredom I feel. Having already spent half an hour perusing through the same channels on the T.V, my tolerance is close to reaching its limit. To think there's still an entire day that I have to go through before exhaustion comes and saves me from this dreadful suffering, and that's not to mention the terrible headache that's been pounding in my head since I woke up. I'm usually grateful for the immunity I have towards most drugs, but with a migraine like the one I have right now eating away at my sanity, I'm starting to wish that I could overdose on ibuprofen if it meant ridding me of the throbbing in my brain.

Refraining from putting much thought into anything for the moment, I take the opportunity to hear the news as I'm laid down on the living room's couch. 

"...And onto more recent news, overnight, the Goldenstar building that's been in construction on Holiday Avenue for the past 7 months has suddenly collapsed on itself. No casualties or injuries have been reported, and officials at the site claim to not know the cause. More on this later on..."

"Nothing interesting," I mutter as I turn off the T.V with the remote, sitting up and groaning irritably. Perhaps I should use this time to pick up a new hobby.

Set on doing just that, I get up to fetch the phone under my mattress, but the moment I'm up and on my feet, the throbbing in my head suddenly turns to unbearable and teeth-clenching pain. I drop to my knees in writhing agony, clutching my temples with such a force that crushing my skull just might be possible. The pain isn't only present in my head, however, an excruciating burn inside of my chest making it hard for me to breathe properly. My vision pulsates back and forth from consciousness to unconsciousness, and then, in the midst of it all, a high-pitched ringing pierces my ears, close to making me leak blood if it were possible. 

'Hello, hello? Can you hear me?'

"The fuck!?" From inside my head, their voice reverberates around my brain, a bit muffled but clear enough to where I recognize who it is. 

'Ah, the connection went through without fail! Wonderful!' 

"Arghhhhh!" I yell out as a wave of pain rushes through both chest and mind with every word she speaks. "Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

'There's no need to yell, Murama. The pain will dissipate soon enough, so bear with it for now,' she reassures me, causing me more pain in the process. Still, for some odd reason, as her calming words give me the worst headache and heartburn possible, they also soothe me. The severity of the pain hasn't changed, but after a couple of seconds and a breather, it becomes tolerable enough to where I can lay myself down on the couch again, and with a moment of silence, it's almost as if it were never there. 'See, all gone.' 

Her voice is loud and clear now, the previous ringing having completely disappeared. Left with an aching body, my chest rises and falls heavily as a million questions flood my mind but only one leaving my mouth.

"How are you talking to me, Diatra?"

'It'd take ages for me to fully explain the process, but if you genuinely seek a response, I believe the term telepathy best suits my method of communicating. Wait, is that correct?' she suddenly asks unsure of herself. 'I forget. It's difficult to keep track of the languages used in this plane, not to mention I've only just recently familiarized myself with your native tongue.'

Yeah, this is too much. The more that I hear her talk inside my head, the more I end up feeling like I've finally lost my sanity. Fortunate or unfortunately, however, I'm well aware that this isn't the case. If I had to choose though, I would've preferred it if hearing her voice was the result of me becoming a schizo. 

'You are aware that I can hear your thoughts, right?'  

"I had the lingering suspicion, yes," I reply curtly, groaning as I sit myself up and rub my temples. "Wait, if you were capable of talking to me like this the entire time, why didn't you just do that instead of the weird dream shit last time?"

'There was too much of a risk. If I were to have done so without confirming that you were my Servant, there was a chance your brain would melt from me forcing the connection, and besides, would you have been so willing to believe sudden voices in your head?'

"No, but that's not the point. And what do you mean by me being your 'Servant'? I don't remember agreeing to anything," I say while looking at the ground, substituting the wood on the floor for her face. 

'Ah, but you have!' she excitedly proclaims. 'You see, the only way to take in one of my golden hearts is to willingly offer your body and mind to me, whether it be knowingly or subconsciously. If you weren't willing to offer your everything to me, well, you'd be dead right now and that heart in your chest wouldn't be beating.'

"And I know you're telling the truth how?"

'Hm... I could just tell you that you'll have to take my word for it and leave it at that, but I doubt that that'll rid you of your skepticism. If you're really so reluctant to believe me, I suppose I'll have to do something.' 

Humming to herself for a moment, I'm left in an awkward silence waiting for that 'something' she was talking about. Then, as I'm about to say something, the heart inside my chest suddenly begins to burn again in the same manner as before. It starts off mildly for a second but in the next instant, drastically increases in pain, making it near impossible for me to breathe. Attempting to do anything, I find myself unable to even lift a finger, exactly the same way that I felt while I was in the other world with her. 

"W-what are you... doing...?" I faintly let out, using what little control I have over my body to speak before it immediately disappears right after. 

"Proving to you that you are indeed my Servant. Also, I'd prefer it if you'd converse with your thoughts from now on. Having to listen to you by using your ears is a bit tiring." 

Her words coming from my own mouth, the vague feeling of speaking when I don't want to speak fills me with indescribable angst that I've never felt before. She continues with her uncalled-for demonstration of control over me, jumping up from my previously seated position and onto the wooden floor. 

Taking a single step, my entire body becomes stiff and every muscle in my leg cramps up. The urge to scream is overwhelming me, but I don't have the means to satiate that urge anymore. My body is forced to walk around the couch, each step robotic and tense, causing my leg muscles to spasm in backlash. 

"This is a lot harder than I had expected it to be. I haven't had to do this in just about ever!" she says ecstatically while causing me a world of pain, each janky movement that my body makes making my legs feel worse and worse.

'Stop!' I shout at her from the top of my mental lungs, resorting to speaking to her from my thoughts. 'I believe you now, so PLEASE stop!'

She strikes an alluring pose with my body, leaning my chest forwards with my hands behind my back. "Are you suuuuuure~?

'YES! JUST STOP IT ALREADY! IT HURTS!'

"O~kay~!" she chirps back cheerfully, my body dropping limply on the floor the second the word leaves my mouth. All control over my body is instantly transferred back to me, and the burning within my chest begins to dim. 'Your body is depressingly weak, but you really are the Black Blood. I couldn't check up on you as often as I'd like, but to think you ended up like... this.'

My cheek pressed against the ground, no matter how hard I try I can't manage to pick myself up, my entire body numb, and after another desperate attempt to move, my efforts only bear fruit to a pitiful grunt. "I don't exercise, and I've been malnourished since I was little. What do you expect?"

'Malnourished? I don't see how that's possible. I know the anatomies aren't entirely the same, but a Doremic's digestive system isn't that different from a human's. You should have no problems eating human food.'

"I could eat it, I just threw it all up right after.  Wasn't used to the smell in the air yet. Speaking of which, you know anything about that? Might as well ask you since you'll hear me wondering it in my head anyway." 

'You're the Black Blood. It's as simple as that.'

"You're making it seem like I know what a Black Blood is," I grumble while turning my head to the other side. 

Feeling slowly returning to my upper body, I use my forearms and elbows to drag myself to the couch, struggling to lift myself onto it with only my arms. I can't begin to fathom the amount of force she had to use to render my entire body immobile, but if her simply walking caused me to end up like this, I'm scared to find out how much strain on my muscles she'll cause doing something more vigorous.

'I can't tell you much at the moment until I confirm some things, but all you need to know about being the Black Blood is that there's a role you'll have to fulfill one day. Whether it be the next day or in the centuries to come, fate will find its way to guide you back on course.'

"So more shit that I didn't sign up for is what you're saying?" 

Finally getting my body onto the couch, I let out both an exhausted breath and a sigh of disappointment as I'm laying on my belly.

'If that's how you want to take it, yes, though I'd consider it more as a blessing.'

"Blessing? In what world is having everything smell like shit and wanting to kill people from time to time considered a blessing? Seems more like a pain in the ass if anything."

'In what world, you say. I suppose on Earth, being the Black Blood would be rather inconvenient now that I think about it. Even more so with the current predicament you're in and everything...'

"Right, that's also a thing..."

'That is the sole reason why I am even speaking to you like this in the first place. I did tell you that fate would find a way to guide you back on course, and it seems like it is trying to do that now. I couldn't explain it fully to Sayuri, but she has a vague understanding of what she needs to do. I can only hope that she'll be able to deal with them.'

"Who's 'them'? I still have zero clue who's after me."

'Technically, they'd be another's Servant, though to provide you with a more apt description, they'd be more like a parasite. Receiving their Servanthood from one other than myself, they aren't given the luxury of having their bounded body transport along with their spirit, and thus must use the body of a human as a temporary replacement.'

"Yes, yes, that's important and all, but how does that have anything to do with me exactly?"

'Must I baby-feed you everything in order for you to understand!?' she snaps suddenly, her voice painfully reverberating inside my head. 'For somebody who makes light of the situation, you sure do have a lot of questions to ask. Still, I suppose that's better than you not caring at all.'

Using only my arms to sit myself up, I begin to wriggle my toes, attempting to return some feeling back to my legs. "Well, who else am I supposed to ask?"

'I thought I instructed Sayuri to answer all your questions,' she says quizzically, 'She was free to tell you everything I've just told you and more, in fact.'

I let out a slight snort. "Yeah, let me just ask the person who's been missing for three days now. They should be able to answer everything for me."

'She's not with you? Where is she?' 

"How should I know? Last time I saw her was the day after you talked to me. Disappeared the same night and hasn't come back since."

'She must have picked up his scent...' Pausing for a moment, she somehow whistles inside my head before continuing. 'This is somewhat troubling, but it is probably best for her to have found them this early. For her to not have come back in three Earth days since however, now that strikes me as a bit odd. I can't see her having trouble with another's Servant to the point where she can't return to you unless their Whisperer is one of us, or if they've had their body transferred along with them.'

With wobbly legs, I stand up from the couch, grunting as I warily walk to the kitchen. "So... is that what I am? A... a Whisperer?" 

'Yes, but I use the term merely as a placeholder translation for your convenience. To give you a better understanding, you can think of Whisperers as gods of sorts.'

I stop in my tracks, my brain not registering the words coming from inside it. "Gods?" The corners of my mouth reactively curl up like I've just heard a joke, air exiting my nostrils as I scoff at the thought. "You know, for someone who doesn't even know my name, you sure as hell seem to know a lot about me."

'I beg to differ, Mr. 'Cain St. God.' Quite an unusual surname, if I may add, almost a mockery even. I'd take personal offense if I genuinely cared, but fortunately for you, I was never fond of being falsely labeled a god, much less the 'God' that all Earthlings seem to refer to me as. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not as omniscient and omnipotent as I am made out to be.'

I grab a cup from one of the cabinets, filling it with the tap. "So you're God? Like Holy Trinity, creator of all life, Jesus's father type God?"

'I can only say yes to the aspect of me being the creator of all life. As for all the stories associated with God, well, only a select few are actually true. I can confirm that Jesus did in fact exist, though the belief that his mother was a virgin may or may not be false.'

"Does heaven exist?" I ask curiously, a glimmer of hope sparkling in me.

'Tsk, tsk, tsk, I can't tell you that, now can I? You'll just have to find out the same way everybody else has.'

Sucking my teeth, I bring the cup up to my lips. "Oh well, wasn't gonna make it there anyway."

Having taken everything that's been said with a grain of salt, absorbed in the deathly silence of being alone, I can no longer deny the twisted reality that I'm living. I mean, from an outsider's perspective, I've been talking to myself this entire time. I'm truly in some deep shit...

"Diatra?" I call out hesitantly. 

'Yes, Murama?'

"If Servants are here to get me and Sayuri is out there dealing with them, what happens if she doesn't make it?"

'Then you'll have to be the one to dispose of them,' she says bluntly. 'One way or another, they will be dealt with, but I'd prefer it if she were the one to do it. If it comes to it, I suppose I'll have to forcefully make you undergo the burdens. I'd rather not awaken you here of all places, but what needs to be done must be done.'

"Huh... Guess I'll be cheering Sayuri on then." Taking a long swig of water, I limp my way back to the couch, nearly dropping the cup as I sit down. "How long are you planning on staying connected to my brain? I don't like the idea of getting used to having voices in my head."

'For your sake, until the current situation has been dealt with. It'll only burden you more if I connect and disconnect. You don't want to go through what happened earlier again, correct?'

"God, no. Never mind then, just don't talk to me while I'm talking to other people. Don't wanna fuck up and end up looking like a schizo."

'Very well then. During your discourse with others, you may act as though I'm not even there.'

"Oh, trust me, I will," I vainly mutter under my breath as I grab the remote and the T.V roars back to life. 

Not enough time has passed for the news to be over yet, and right as I'm about to change the channel, unexpectedly, the front doorknob rattles. They struggle to put in their keys but after a few seconds of hearing them scratching at the door, they get it in. Opening the door is Sayuri, only, in a state that I've never seen her in before, leaving me without words.

In her sleepwear, rips and tears riddle her shirt and basketball shorts tattered, her clothes painted black with dirt. Splattered on her face and upper body is blood, having dried up already and staining both cloth and skin. She's using the doorknob to hold her up, hunched over and breathing heavily.

Walking in, she closes the door behind her and only manages to take a few steps forward before collapsing on the ground, lying motionless on the floor.