I Got Memory Smoothie'd into a Cleaning Robot

I bet you're wondering what's up with the title, huh? Well, let me tell you, it's been one wild day.

It all started at lunch, when Gomi and I were slumped in the cafeteria, trying to figure out if the noodles were actually edible or not. We were mid-slurp, fully committed to our culinary misery, when the Headmaster's voice came booming over the intercom.

"Would the following students from Class 2-A please report to my office immediately. Shiku Tanaka..."

My stomach dropped. Of course the Headmaster would catch on.

I glanced at Gomi, who was staring blankly at her noodles. "She's gonna find out about that time I hacked the cafeteria, isn't she?" I whispered, my voice barely audible over the clatter of trays and chatter.

"Huh? You mean what you did with the extra toppings? I thought that was hilarious." 

"Hilarious? That's not funny, Gomi! She can read my Gogo Brain, remember? How am I going to explain that we got free calamari for a month?"

Finally, a flicker of understanding crossed Gomi's face. "Shit, she's gonna find out." 

"We gotta do something, Gomi! Think you can erase those memories? Like, a memory wipe for my Gogo Brain?" I dug my nails into my palms. Even the thought of the Headmaster’s scathing lecture was making me clammy.

Gomi, for all her distractions and laid-back demeanor, was actually a pretty brilliant inventor. Her inventions, like the Chichi-Nomi, were admittedly unorthodox, but undeniably effective. Maybe she could come up with something to…

"Yeah, I've got just the thing."

"Really? Wait... What is it? Some kind of…brain-zapping ray gun?"

Gomi chuckled, a low, throaty sound.

"Nah, not exactly. More like a…memory smoothie." She paused, her grin fading slightly. "But, uh, it's not exactly tested on humans."

"T-tested on humans?" I choked.

She shrugged, nonchalantly. "Just some prototypes. You know, the usual."

My heart hammered in my chest. "Gomi, seriously, the Headmaster's gonna be here any minute. Just hurry!"

She pulled a strange device from her bag. It looked like a cross between a blender and a hair dryer, with wires snaking out of it like veins.

"Alright, alright, chill. Just gotta plug this bad boy in, and boom, memory wipe. Easy peasy."

"Plug what? Where'd you even—"

"Don't worry about it, details, details. Just gotta connect it to your Gogo Brain. Hold still, okay?"

She shoved the device towards me, wires dangling. Before I could protest further, she'd already grabbed my hair, pulling it back to expose the sleek, silver ear cuff.

"Okay, okay, maybe not so easy peasy. First, gotta explain the potential side effects."

She rattled off a list of potential consequences, ranging from mild nausea to spontaneous combustion.

"Memory loss? Hallucinations? Brain aneurysms!?"

Gomi waved a dismissive hand. "Don't worry, it's all theoretical. Besides, it's gotta be better than getting chewed out by the Headmaster, right?"

"Just…just do it quickly, okay?"

She grinned, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "Always happy to oblige."

She plugged the device into my ear cuff. A jolt, like a mini electrocution, shot through me. My vision blurred, then faded to black.

-

When I opened my eyes, things were…different. I was looking up at the grimy floor. Panic clawed its way up my throat as I tried to remember what had happened. Gomi, that blasted memory smoothie, the Headmaster…

"Uh…" I squeaked, my voice coming out as a tinny, synthesized wheeze, "What the...?"

The world wobbled, a kaleidoscope of blurry colors and distorted shapes. Strange, mechanical sensations flooded my new…limbs? My metallic legs twitched, testing their newly acquired flexibility, and I lurched forward, promptly crashing into a wall.

Metal squealed on metal.

"Ow," I whimpered, my voice digital and high-pitched, startling me. It wasn't my own voice.

This had to be some elaborate prank. A nightmare fueled by Gomi's latest "brilliant" invention. Right? I tried to look around, but my vision was limited. My new, enhanced, cybernetic eye zoomed in and out, adjusting focus like a digital camera.

It took a few frantic moments, but I finally managed to orient myself.

I was a goddamn robot dog. A short, squat, robot dog.

A wave of dizziness washed over me as I realized the truth. I, Shiku Tanaka, was now trapped in the body of the school's cleaning robot, Cleansuke.

Just then, a faint giggle echoed from behind a classroom door.

Gomi.

She peeked out, amusement dancing in her eyes. 

"Gomi, what the hell did you do to me?" I demanded, my metallic voice shrill and frantic.

Gomi just grinned, leaning against the doorframe. "Relax, Shiku. Or should I say...Cleansuke?" She giggled, clearly amused by my plight.

I let out a groan that came out as a pathetic noise. "This isn't funny, Gomi! How am I supposed to face the Headmaster like this?" I gestured frantically at my new robotic body.

Gomi shrugged. "Hey, at least you don't have to worry about getting in trouble anymore. The Headmaster will just think Cleansuke is, you know, being Cleansuke."

"That's not making me feel any better Gomi!" I squeaked, my voice sounding unnaturally high-pitched.

"Relax, Shiku-chan. It's temporary! Just gotta figure out the reverse smoothie recipe."

"Reverse smoothie?! Reverse?! Are you listening to yourself?" I cried, my metallic legs buckling under the weight of my despair.

She shrugged, still grinning, oblivious to the sheer existential horror unfolding before her.

I wanted to hurl an insult, but alas, some of my vocabulary seemed restricted to robotic chirps, whirs, and bleats.

She patted my head, earning a metallic clang. Her touch sent a jolt through my circuits, reminding me of the terrifying reality – I was trapped.

"Don't worry, Shiku-chan. I'm a genius, remember?" She winked, pulling another strange device from her pocket. She held the device aloft, its antennae twitching.

"This bad boy should reverse the effects. Kinda. Maybe. Probably?"

I wanted to scream.