Sleepover III

"Okay," Ana prepped herself, "Since most of you have opened up, I guess I will talk about my family.” She cleared her throat and said:

"My whole family played a role in Russia's fight in World War II against the Nazis, or as we call it in Russia, the Great Patriotic War. Everyone in my family contributed to it in some way, from frontline soldiers, officers, and spies to jobs like drivers and nurses. My entire family is hugely proud of their contribution and on the holidays when everyone gathers, they often reminisce on those days and how amazing it was that Russians vanquished fascism.

"My mother always repeated to me, from an early age that I have to do something equally brilliant. I too had to leave my mark on history and make my grandparents and their brothers, and sisters proud. My father had died fighting on the Hope colony, and that had made the family proud. My mom constantly pressured me to be the best, when I lived with her I had almost no free time. I constantly had to train, go to extracurricular activities, study hard… I didn't have what you would call a 'normal childhood' and no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough.

Ana stretched her arm, "I was so glad when I was accepted to Celio's military academy because I could finally live alone and my mom was for the first time proud of me. I could feel for the first time 'free'" Ana laughed. "Although I didn't know what to do with all that freedom. It was a strange feeling and I ended up continuing the habits she instilled in me. Study, train hard, and be the best. Even so, now that we are separated I still feel like if I am not the best I am somehow disappointing her, my late father, and my grandparents."

"I relate to your story Ana," Curro said empathetically, "I totally get having a larger-than-life figure you have to live up to, while my dad never acted like your mom, I still felt like I can't disappoint him. I mean he is the Celio after all."

"Well, Hitomi?" Ana raised an eyebrow.

"Well Hitomi what?" Hitomi frowned at Ana.

"Aren't you going to tell us why you joined and about your parents?"

"You know you really want the Hitomi nice era to have a very short runtime"

Brigham raised his head, "Don't bother her, if she doesn't want to talk about it let her be."

"No, it's okay Brigham," Hitomi waved her hand, "I didn't like the idea of dumping you all another sob story, but I guess here goes. I don't want to be the only one left out" Hitomi took time to prepare, this was the first time she was opening up to anyone about her background. The girl was stepping into new territory and it wasn't easy for her. She mustered up the strength and spoke uninterrupted:

I told you guys before that my parents were insurance claims and welfare fraud investigators, Ana made a joke about them giving me my ghoulish personality. She wasn't far off, they were what you would expect of people in that line of business. Ruthless, mechanical, and unfeeling towards other people, I mean their job was to make up a reason why someone didn't need the care they were asking for.

Sure there were cases of fraud but a lot of the time they denied claims of people who needed it, desperately. They found a kind of sick pleasure in the power they wielded over people's fates, they never accepted bribes, and it was never about the money. It was always about the feeling of power over others that their job gave them.

They weren't just like that in their work, they were like that in their own home. Unloving and uncaring towards their only daughter. Even worse, they had some downright sadistic tendencies. They physically abused me, and I am not talking about slaps and spankings. If I ever disobeyed them, they would throw punches and kicks at me.

Imagine how it feels to have the two people who are supposed to love and protect you no matter what, act that way towards you. You feel betrayed by the world and you feel worthless.

Some days when I was young I couldn't go outside because of how blue my skin got from the beatings. They had all sorts of cruel punishments for me too and I wasn't even fed properly, I was a skinny child suffering from malnutrition. My neighborhood knew about the way they treated me. They saw the abuse and turned their heads away. It wasn't my problem was what probably many of them thought, out of sight and out of mind.

If they averted their gaze away from me they could pretend like it wasn't happening, but they all knew. They saw a lot of the time firsthand how my life looked like.

I tried reporting my parents actually, I talked to my school and to my teacher. I showed her the bruises and she saw I suffered from malnutrition. Once she brought it to the school director he dismissed the case and shut it up. I still remember what he said listening from the other side of the door:

"The President is coming in a week to give us the 'School without bullying and violence' award, we can't have a case like this in this crucial moment, and it will ruin our award. Just ignore this."

And that was that, nothing. They threw me away over some award! I started to feel rage, unbridled and constant daily wrath at the world.

I started to have severe violent outbursts when I was 12 years old, I attacked many other kids, and later teachers, I started down a path of vandalism and delinquency. I ran away from home, not like there was much to run in the domed cities of Nova Occasio. The police eventually caught me and I was sent to a youth detention center, a prison for minors but it functioned more like a reform school.

At first, I was happy, I could live away from those monsters and these people were feeding me good food for free. However, you start to go a little crazy once you realize you have to spend most of your day locked in a small room.

That's when we were all approached by the military, specifically the kids who were around 12. An old general visited the detention center and gave us all a big speech. Something about turning our lives around and seizing opportunity.

We were all sent with him on a trip to the Carcer penal colony, where Lei Mei's parents work. It was a horrifying sight to all of us, and he said that's how our life was going to look like if we didn't take control of it right now. The general offered to train us to apply for the military.

Once we turned 14 we could try to apply to Celio's military academy, the most elite school to become officers. I decided I was going to get into that school no matter what. For the first time I felt like I had agency over myself and whether I got into this academy depended squarely on me and my parents had nothing to do with it.

You bet I was going to claw my way out of this hole I'd fallen into. I was going to fight with everything I got.

That general taught me to channel my rage from physical aggression to verbal aggression. He said that he didn't care if I insulted everyone, just so I didn't hit anyone.

For the record I am not grateful to him or the military, they didn't give me the opportunity out of any kindness or because they felt sorry for me or any of the other kids, they did it because they knew they could use us as fodder for whatever war Nova Occasio finds itself into. They wanted us who were screwed up in the head because we would obey more easily.

I will never obey any of them or any authority. Well, I will make an exception in your case Brigham, and Mok was alright too. Anyways like you Lei Mei, I am here to collect the money and benefits and get out. Where? I don't know.

I haven't spoken to my parents since I got put into the reform school and I don't ever plan to. I hope they die horrible deaths.

So there you have it, my sob story, one of countless children from that detention center. See now why I told you about your father Emidio?

Since I am in my Hitomi is nice era, Ana and Roy, I am sorry for dismissing the suffering of your parents. I kind of thought, look at these imbeciles, they should be happy one of their parents died but that's just me. That's my own problem and I shouldn't have been so dismissive and callous.

Most of all I got irritated by the way both of you dramatically declared your suffering as if we should all care deeply about your Cold War sob stories. Nobody cared about my sob story or any of the kids I spent time with in that reform school.

People are willing to go through all sorts of debates, discussions, and advocacy for some faraway lands and geopolitical events. They will endlessly watch TV following what is happening in Russia and America, they will be ready to draw blood for communism or capitalism.

The irony is for all the ways people 'care' about the world and their surroundings, nobody cares what happens next door. In fact, they would rather not know and avert their gaze as far as possible. They want the perception of caring about the world rather than doing anything about the problems around them.

They don't want to get involved, what if everyone gossips about you for being a snitch. What if you actually accept some responsibility and take action, what will people say about you then? Oh, what will people say about my school if there is evidence of violence, they will talk about me as if I am a bad director. If I report that husband for beating on his wife, the neighbors will say I separated a couple. I can go on and on…

What is more important to people is what someone will say about them, rather than justice and truth.