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Swagzaur

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registered at: Mar 19, 2025

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aaa

Mar 29, 2025

To:Ćunfre

No worries for the long explanation, its nice to know what was in your mind as you wrote the story. :D

I understand that, thematically, the episode is aligned with what is being explored throughout the novel, and when I say "filler" I mean more that the episode is not as woven together with the rest of the prose as the remaining parts of the story. In the end, if you believe it should be there, then it should be there without a doubt. :)

Regarding your opinion or pet peeve: I fully understand, unfortunately it's hard to find a cultural mentality that fulfils the needs of everyone and, when faced with that, I find that most people end up sinking into a non-flexible and non-critical way of thinking in their everyday life. Id say it's fantastic that you have that awareness and passion, hopefully we can influence others to be better, or at least more critical and thinking of others a little more, throughout our lives. :)

Thank you for the share and for the story. I see now that you started publishing another novel, I'll definitely take a look at it later!

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:42

Mar 28, 2025

Pretty nice ending and fitting chapter, albeit quite “bitter” for our main character.

My overall feelings for this web novel is quite similar to “lolitroy”: the delivery has quite a few shortcomings, but like I said in a previous comment, it has a pretty neat outline underneath with something to say and efficiently established characters. The delivery might be unrefined - albeit imo good enough to be able to be properly enjoyed - but the novel still stands quite strong imo.

Arc wise, I actually enjoyed “before the takeoff” the most: for some reason, it’s where I felt the show’y style was more at home with the initial world building. Then, I believed it remained strong until the Young Aryans showed up (ngl those felt a little like filler to me), where it wavered a little, but the last 3 chapters ended the story pretty strongly.

Anyways, this has a my vote for the contest and I wish you good look.

Whether you revise this story or progress to a different work, I’ll curious to see what you will put out next. A story is never perfect, so while I have this idea that “a few” changes could enhance this story a lot, it’s also important that we, as creatives, move on and take what improvements we have in mind to our following works.

Anyways, it has been good company and it will be missed. 👏

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:42

Mar 28, 2025

This was my favourite chapter in the last 5-7 chapters! I’m always “in” for epilogues where we actually get to spend a little time with the characters and, considering the summary nature of these last chapters, I felt like it was able to strike a good balance of showing while being summary.

Now I kind of felt like I wanted a chapter like this focused on each character, but we’ll take what we can get. 👏

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:40

Mar 28, 2025

To:Ćunfre

It’s totally understandable, a story is never told without hiccups, even without explicit word limits and deadlines. I’d say the real value is on what it delivers, not in what it lacks, and I still think this story so far has been done pretty neatly. 😄

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:38

Mar 28, 2025

While this section does not seem to be the main focus of the story, I’d have to agree with lolitroy and Mario Nakano 64 that this is a tad anticlimactic and very summarily.

Some of these scenes (e.g. their arrival at Lepoglava, their return home, Mok’s funeral) deserved to be shown from the pov of the characters imo, so it’s a shame they were part of the summary. Tbh I was much more curious to know how Lepoglava operated and to meet its crew than, for example, the Neo-Nazi’s and the Admiral that intervened.

It’s still interesting to know how things went of course, but it felt very impersonal vs the more personal feel of the previous chapters.

Now, off to see how the characters took and were affected by their experiences. 😄

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:38

Mar 25, 2025

To:Ćunfre

Well then I would say you definitely succeeded 😂

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:30

Mar 25, 2025

Emidio was the star of this chapter for me, the way he psyched himself up by trusting his training was a cool touch, considering his history with his military training.

I believe this chapter would have benefitted from being seen solely from Lupus’s crew point of view. The bits seen from the Young Aryan pov dilute the tension - by making us know how the enemies will react before they react - and separate the reader from the characters we actually care about. The Young Aryan’s crew also felt a little more cartoony than the rest of the cast imo, which does not help feeling like the trade off of seeing their pov compensated.

Still glad they had a chance for a ship battle before the end of the story. Let’s see how the rest of their journey shapes up. 😄

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:30

Mar 25, 2025

Really enjoyed these Sleepover chapters.

To me, the most important thing about stories is their ability to make you feel something for its themes and its characters and, at least in my experience, this story is delivering on that front.

Really looking forward to see where these characters go from here and fearing what might happen to them. If I’m being honest, I kind of wish they have as much of an happy ending as possible.

Bravo for the work so far.👏

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:25

Mar 21, 2025

While there are “selfish” reasons to opt for B, I believe there are valid reasons to consider it, even when taking into account the survival of the other two squads.

Option B seems to have better potential of getting an actual rescue team - who might actually be equipped and prepared to deal with whatever is needed when it comes to the other two squads - much quicker in time. Not only that, but those squads do have instructors with them, who are the best assets at knowing how to deal with whatever is in Hrkar. Having that in mind, and thinking on the whole composition of the 3 squads, the best job for the inexperienced Lupus crew might be getting well equipped help ASAP, which option B seem to provide.

As someone with IRL experience leading professionally for a few years, I can imagine myself opt for B as well, even tho I am generally very people & “company-wide” centered. There’s a maturity in knowing how you can better contribute in your current situation, and sometimes a little optimism and trust in the capacity of others is important. That said, it’s a tough decision, and this is a life-or-death situation, so I dunno.

Once again, great chapter! A lot of mature takes on leadership on this novel without painting it as a “cold is always the best approach” light. From my experience, humane and optimistic leading very real - and hold very good results. 😄

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:17

Mar 20, 2025

To:lolitroy

I have to fully agree with this comment regarding the way the backstories were delivered. In addition, I also feel that fully revealing those right away releases the reading tension that is generated by knowing they having reasons to dislike each other but not really knowing what they are. Overall, I think their dynamic and backstories had/have the potential to provide a lot of interesting reading if exposed more subtly throughout the story.

And I do think this because I really feel the outline for the their backstories and how they tie to the themes are top notch! I feel the political and character outlines behind this story really shines through and keep this story meaty in meaning and content, despite being a light read (imo at least).

Will definitely keep reading. Very curious to see the group dynamic developing. :D

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:11

Mar 19, 2025

I’ve been reading this novel to relax a little in the morning and, got to say, really enjoyed all chapters up until this point, but this one kind of takes the cake.

This chapter was really efficient in both introducing/deepening politically important characters, as well as introducing interesting family drama and characterising the kid’s interests.

Really love how Brigham and Roy are interested in the president and Gargan respectively, a really interesting way to characterise both of them.

Excited to read what comes next. :)

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:5

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