Mammary Contact

I watched the sun dip low over the scrapyard as Nezumi clutched the quantum processor to her chest, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Thank you for helping me get this. I can't believe we actually pulled it off."

"Assistance provided within acceptable parameters."

"I'll have our new mecha ready by tonight. Just in time for tomorrow's match."

"Query: Design specifications?"

"Nope!" Nezumi grinned and wagged her finger. "It's going to be a surprise. You'll see it when it's done."

"Analyzing walking route to Nezumi residence." Cleansuke stepped forward. "Escort services recommended."

"Oh, that's okay! I can make it home fine-"

"Safety protocols indicate 47% increased risk during evening hours. Escort mandatory."

"Really, I'm good! It's not far and-" Nezumi squeaked as Cleansuke suddenly lifted her bridal-style again. "Again!?"

"Implementing optimal transportation method."

"Put me down!" Nezumi squirmed, face flushing red. "People are going to see!"

"Negative. Previous carrying configuration proved most efficient."

"This isn't about efficiency!" But Nezumi was already laughing as Cleansuke started walking. "You can't just princess-carry me through downtown!"

"Incorrect. Current action proves possibility."

"Oh my god." 

Several passersby stopped to stare as Cleansuke carried a giggling Nezumi down the sidewalk, my body moving with that same robotic precision while she clutched the processor in one hand and tried to maintain her dignity with the other.

Through my drone's camera feed, I spotted Yuriko a few blocks ahead, walking with her usual stack of notebooks clutched to her chest. Wait. She was on a collision course with Cleansuke carrying Nezumi!

"No no no," I muttered, my robot legs scuttling in circles. "Think fast, think fast!"

In desperation, I aimed the drone at a trash can near Yuriko and knocked it over. She jumped, but just stepped around it.

"Come on!" I banged my metal head against a wall. "There has to be something!"

I sent the drone right in front of Yuriko's face. She swatted at it like an annoying fly and kept walking.

Then I heard Nezumi's laughter echo down the street. "People are totally staring!"

Yuriko's head snapped up at the sound. Her eyes went wide as she spotted my body carrying Nezumi princess-style. The notebooks slipped from her grasp, pages fluttering everywhere.

"Oh my god." Yuriko fumbled for her phone, fingers flying across the screen. "This is perfect! The unexpected romantic gesture, the casual display of strength, the contrast between their personalities..."

"Greetings, Tsukumo-san," Cleansuke said, still holding Nezumi. "Implementing standard cleaning protocols."

Cleansuke bent down - with Nezumi still in its arms - and started picking up papers with its teeth.

"No, stay exactly like that!" Yuriko crouched down, framing them with her hands like a director. "The juxtaposition is amazing! Mind if I use this scene in my next story?"

Nezumi's face turned an impossible shade of red. "What story? What's happening?"

"Analyzing request," Cleansuke said through a mouthful of papers. "Romance protocols indicate-"

"Romance protocols?!" Nezumi squeaked.

Cleansuke shifted its weight to grab a stray piece of paper but lost balance. In an attempt to steady itself, Cleansuke's arm shot out, accidentally pressing against Nezumi's chest.

Nezumi's eyes went wide. She let out a yelp and launched herself from my body's arms. Her hand cracked across my face in a sharp slap that echoed down the street.

"You... you... IDIOT!"

She spun on her heel and bolted, leaving my body frozen mid-paper-collection, head tilted at a perfect 45 degree angle.

"Processing physical contact. Analyzing response patterns. Error detected in-"

"Oh my god." Yuriko clutched her notebook, eyes darting between my retreating classmate and Cleansuke. "This is... this is..." Her pen flew across the page. "The accidental touch! The passionate reaction! The mechanical confusion versus raw emotion!"

"Query: Appropriate protocol for unintentional mammary contact?"

"Stop talking!" I screeched through my drone's tiny speaker, but it came out as static.

Yuriko clutched her notebook tighter, her cheeks flushed. "Oh, that's... that's actually a common trope in romance! The accidental touch leading to misunderstandings..."

Cleansuke kept picking up papers. "Noted. Adding to romance protocols database."

"Shouldn't you go after her?" Yuriko glanced in the direction Nezumi had fled.

"Negative. Current task incomplete." Cleansuke gathered another stack of papers. "Papers require proper reorganization."

Yuriko clutched her notebook tighter. "Speaking of which... what were you running from?"

"Analyzing appropriate response..." Cleansuke straightened up, handing her the neat stack. "Scenario involved quantum procurement and subsequent pursuit by unknown entities. Details classified under privacy protocols."

"Oh!" Yuriko's eyes sparkled. "A secret mission? Forbidden romance? This is perfect for my next chapter!"

Yuriko bit her lip, fidgeting with her pen. "So... um... for research purposes... could you maybe..." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Could you touch my breasts too?"

"Query: Would mammary contact assist with story development?"

"YES!" Yuriko blurted, then slapped both hands over her mouth.

"Processing request. Analyzing romance protocols." Cleansuke took a step forward with arms outstretched. "Implementing standard cleaning procedures-"

"NO!" I slammed my robot head against a nearby wall. "Don't you dare!"

Yuriko squeaked and jumped back. "Wait, I didn't mean right here in the street!"

"Location irrelevant to protocol execution."

Yuriko backed away, face flaming.

"I was just kidding! Sort of! Maybe! I need to go write this down!"

She snatched her remaining papers and bolted, leaving my body standing there with its arms still extended.

"Error: Romance protocol incomplete. Rescheduling for optimal efficiency."