Chapter 0:

Prologue: The Breakup

Soullace


Cassandra walked out of the bathroom, fixing her black heels as she did so. Her roommate, Sylk, clapped slowly. "That's gotta be a record. Four hours in the bathroom! A lesser roommate would've filed a complaint to campus life by now."

"Tonight is important. I've calculated every possibility and I think Mina wants me to propose, so I've prepared accordingly," Cassandra pulled out a compact mirror and fixed her lipstick for the final time, just to make sure it was perfect.

"What's your name tonight?" Sylk asked as she stood up and handed her roommate a flowery perfume, "Very feminine, long dress... wait, let me guess! Cassandra?"

"Correct. I might have to add a few new characters to my roster so that you don't get used to them so easily. Thank you," Cassandra took the perfume and sprayed herself on her wrists and her collarbone.

"Are you nervous at all?" Sylk bit her vibrant pink fingernails and stared intensely at Cassandra. Sylk's roommate was like an empty shell, a husk of a person with a lack of color. It was only when Cass was able to don these different characters that they could blend into the real world.

"Cassandra doesn't get nervous," Cassandra winked at Sylk and smiled mischievously. "Wish me luck, though I doubt I'll need it."

Sylk waved goodbye to Cassandra as she sauntered out of their apartment. When the door opened and Cassandra was silhouetted against the hallway light, for a moment Sylk thought she could see a glimpse of color in her roommate's otherwise empty body.

𓆩♡𓆪

Cassandra had agreed to meet her girlfriend at a fancy restaurant in the upper east side of New York. When she got into the hover car and handed her driver an ID instead of scanning her wrist, he commented about how it was old fashioned but he didn't say much else. Cassandra kept a small handbag on her, but she didn't have the ring in there. She had already set up everything with the restaurant and the proposal the day beforehand. 

The hover car went across the city and Cassandra wanted to pay attention to the beautiful scenery, but she couldn't help but catch herself in the reflection of the window instead. Was Cassandra the right choice for tonight? Mina clearly had no qualms about Cassandra's gender fluidity, but Cassandra did notice that Mina liked it when she presented more masculine. 

The car landed and Cassandra stepped out, her heels clacking onto the pavement. She didn't have time to second guess herself. 

Mina was waiting for her at the door of the restaurant. She was wearing an off-the-shoulder burgundy dress that ended just past her knees. Her hair was long and wavy. She had half of it dyed pink and the other half her natural blonde. As always, she was adorned with golden jewelry of all sorts. Mina had even had gold designs implanted into her neck and her back. A purely aesthetic procedure, and expensive.

"Mina," Cassandra smoothly slid an arm around her girlfriend. She smelled like a rose in bloom. "I hope you weren't waiting long. Beautiful as always."

"Cassandra," Mina greeted, glancing at Cassandra's outfit and knowing immediately who was being presented to her. Cassandra was wearing a long black dress with a lacey corset. Her lipstick was a vibrant red and her mascara was as dark as the void in between the stars. Usually Cassandra might also wear something like a fur coat or feather boa, but the night was too warm. It was almost summertime, and the semester was coming to a close.

"Or should I call you Cass?" Mina asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You shouldn't." Cassandra said sharply.

"I'm just kidding," Mina said defensively as she moved her shoulder out of Cassandra's grip. "Let's go in before our reservation is booted to someone else."

Cassandra couldn't help but think that Mina's mood seemed strange. One perk of lacking a personality was being able to pick up on other people's dispositions easier. Cassandra had been studying people all of her life, trying to copy and imitate the lucky ones who were born with a natural uniqueness. A natural ability to just be themselves. That was probably the reason she chose to study psychology.

The maître d' led the couple onto a glass elevator. As it rose, the city became a blur of lights and advertisements and hover cars. When they made it to the rooftop restaurant, they were passed off to the server, who led them to a table with a nice view. This far up, you could breathe easily and see the distant flicker of stars. 

When Mina and Cassandra sat down, Mina picked up the menu and refused to meet Cassandra's gaze.

"Shall I start the lovely ladies off with wine? Tonight we have chardonnay and a nice merlot."

"Chardonnay for me, please," Mina ordered. 

"Merlot." Cassandra smiled sweetly at the waiter. As he turned around to get their drinks, Cassandra counted his steps before she looked at Mina. It was like she was using the menu as a mask. Cassandra knew that she wasn't really reading it. She sighed.

"Out with it. You want to say something," Cassandra said as she checked her nails. They were sharp and red. She didn't like it when Mina was indirect with her.

"I just. I don't know how to say it..." Mina put the menu down and began to fidget with her fingers instead.

"Mina, if you leave it unsaid, your emotions will fester. We can't have that, can we? As the person with emotions in this relationship, you should manage them properly."

"Ha, funny. Funny how you can still joke even though you claim you don't have emotions. Even though I've seen you laugh and cry... I mean, I've been with you for three years, Cass. I've known you since high school and I know that you have the feelings you claim you don't."

"Outward appearances can be deceiving," Cassandra tried to pretend that being called Cass again didn't bother her.

"So you really don't think you feel anything? You really don't want to admit it, huh? You really want to hide, like you always do?"

"Hide... like I always do? I've only ever told you the truth, Mina. I've been blatantly clear to you since the beginning. You know that I don't have a soul. Do you think my condition is a lie or something? After all this time?"

"No, that's the thing. I know that you don't have a soul, but you always say you can't feel anything, and that's what hurts. You've convinced yourself that you can't feel emotions even when you do feel emotions. I just want you to be honest with yourself and with me."

"How long have you felt this way? Have you fully convinced yourself that I'm walking around pretending to not feel anything?" 

"Yes! I mean, no... just.... I mean... you've never even told me that you love me." In times like this, Cassandra found that honesty was not the best policy.

"I do love you, Mina."

"No, you don't." She began tearing up, gripping onto her unread menu like a lifeline. "If you loved me you would be honest. Love shouldn't be something you just... stick with because you don't know anything else. Love should be genuine. I know that in there, deep down, you have the capacity to feel love. You just... You don't feel it with me."

The waiter came back around with the wine. He set the glasses on the table as Mina and Cassandra stared at each other intensely. Mina thanked him. "Enjoy your drinks, madams. I will give you a bit more time to decide on your appetizers."

Cassandra counted his steps again, waiting until he was out of earshot before starting the conversation back up. "It's not my fault that you want me to feel emotions that I don't have, Mina."

Mina scoffed. "It doesn't matter what I say, does it? You really think you're some kind of robot or alien who goes through life without feeling anything. I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what? Say what you really mean."

"I'm done with this, Cass. I don't want to be with you anymore. I don't want to be with someone who runs away from their emotions. We've had so many happy moments and that was just... what? A façade? Are you going to say you were just pretending to be happy when you were with me? That everything we've built up till this point was fake? That fucking hurts."

"It's unfortunate that you feel that way, Mina. Thank you for your honesty." Cassandra downed her red wine and stood up, "Goodbye." She walked toward the elevator without missing a beat. 

Mina looked at her go so unbothered, like three years didn't matter to Cass at all. She began to sob, and the staff gave her space, unsure of how to approach her. After a while Mina picked up her chardonnay, but she noticed the ring at the bottom of the glass. She stood up and poured the drink, engagement ring and all, over the side of the roof and deep into the streets of New York City.

Soullace

Soullace


Omnicorn
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