Is That a Bull's-eye on My Back?

“Come on everyone! Let’s get the next line ready for departure. What are you all waiting for? The second coming!?” I glance at my watch and then back up at my crew. “The next set of travel units will be here in less than an hour and I want everyone processed and ready to board by the time they arrive! Is that clear!?”

There was a pause as everyone was just staring up at me, completely surprised at my tone.

“They aren’t gonna process themselves, people! Let’s get a move on! Get off your lazy rear-ends and get to it!” My hands clapped hard together, and they all scurry off, except for a handful who stand, gaping at me, wondering who this rude asshat is that embodied their former boss. I notice them but don't acknowledge them, so they walk off while I'm internally cringing at my behavior.

So, I was left standing by myself, head down, my finger swiftly swiping over charts on my tablet, searching through the inventory spreadsheets. I had gotten word that a family was claiming a few personal items supposedly ended up in the wrong possession’s unit. I couldn’t see how that could be possible with the way my system runs. It always ticks me off when people immediately panic instead of trusting the system. And, as always, it ends up throwing a wrench in my daily schedule.

There it is. My finger drags across the spreadsheet, matching item to possession unit 78. This is the correct location. I drop a quick note to Decker, telling him I’d go put eyes on it in a little bit, but our records show their possessions are in the correct unit. He sent back a quick thumbs up, saying he’ll let them know once I give him confirmation that I have eyes on it. I don't normally do this extra running around and Decker argued that he could go take a look, but it was something I needed to see to its fruition. Knowing it'll help to settle my fuzzy brain fog.

I was finalizing a few other loose ends when I felt Kendahl’s hand landing heavy on my shoulder, startling me. “Boss.” I jerk, turning to face him as he gives me that look. His eyes bore into me, searching for the reason as to why I was so on edge this morning. He doesn't need words; it's written all over his face.

Usually, I like that he can read me like a well-loved book. It meant less words between us, we’d anticipate what the other was thinking and go about our day running like a well-tuned clock. But this morning I wasn’t in any frame of mind to deal with him. So, I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and turned my eyes back to my tablet.

“Hey.” His tone is sharp now. I irritatedly glance back up at him, letting out a heavy sigh, making sure he understands I have no intention of listening to him. I knew already I was on edge; he didn’t need to point it out to me. His eyes softened but he still was searching mine. “What’s going on? Didn’t last night go as you planned?”

“What are you talking about?” The look on his face was one I was all too familiar with. It was his - don’t give me that crap - look. “What happened with your lady friend?” He nudged my arm. “Didn’t get any?”

“Stop it! You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shift, taking a couple steps away from him as I watch my crew working diligently to get Topeka citizens processed. The gates had been opened, and all of the shade covers and tables were in place. Just like that, my crew was working like a well-oiled machine. I had trained them well. Kendahl and I prided ourselves with how efficiently we have honed the deportation process.

I never bark at them, firstly because I don’t need to, they know their job and do it well. Secondly, this whole process is stressful enough without having their boss breathing down their necks and harping on them. So, my irritated tone and my sharp words this morning didn’t sit well with either them or me.

Kendahl nudged me again, shaking me out of my thoughts. It had been hard enough - as of late - to talk to Kendahl about Elspeth. According to my recounting of events, Kendahl just thought this ‘woman’ was an easy lay. For a long time, I didn’t even give her a name or really any specifics about her to him. He knew that was my MO. No relationships keep life simple. Which is why I’m screwed so tight I’m positive my springs will snap at any moment. She’s screwed me up tight, and not in that good way. Kendahl keeps his eyes on me, reading my thoughts as they pop in my head, just like reading a ticker tape.

“Woe looks like you're aching for it. Did you two have a spat?” Kendahl’s heavy arm rests on my shoulder. “Knock it off! Quit being a jerk and get back to work. We have a job to do.” “Quit the BS and tell me what’s bothering you? What happened last night to flip you upside down like this?” I bend and shift to knock his hand off of my shoulder. “I told you already, you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.” I didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. The fight we had last night is still running in a loop in my brain –over and over again.

“I KNOW!! Why do you think I’m asking you, you total reject!?! Tell me what’s up.” Kens really ticked off now. With good reason. “There’s nothing up, now drop it already! And get back to work! I'm not having this conversation with you!” I hate this, yet I can't seem to stop myself, chewing Ken out for no good reason isn't acceptable. We aren’t this way; we don’t even joke mad at each other. He’s such an easy-going guy, laid back, a duck swimming over a still pond. Smooth on the surface while he paddles his butt off underneath it. Taking everything in stride. So, my irritation this morning is very out of character for us. But I just can’t go there with him. I’m still reeling with my own guilt for leaving Elspeth like I did.

If I tell him what a stupid jerk, I was last night and that's why I'm acting like a stupid jerk this morning… All he’ll do is make me feel that much worse about myself in agreeing with my own assessment of the way I handled things –and… I think I’m pretty much doing a great job of that all on my own.

“Alright!” Kendahl’s hands go up in surrender. “Just get the bug out of your butt then.” He started towards the direction of the teams but turned back to look at me. “Our job’s hard enough without you being an A-hole.” His words bit into me. He was right. Of course he was. He didn’t pull any punches, neither of us did. That’s why we worked so well together. I needed to get over last night and get focused on this day before thoughts of Elspeth drag me into the sewers.

I stomp off in the opposite direction but pull out my tablet and shoot off a note to him, telling him I need to take care of some I-reports, and I’d be in the office for about a half an hour. I didn’t want him thinking I was off fuming somewhere. I’m still professional and we have a job to do here. I’ve already been chastising myself for allowing this woman to screw with my mind. I have too many plates balancing in the air as it is and all its gonna take for them to come crashing down on me is a little more pressure on the wrong plates.

This is the very reason why my ‘so-called’ relationships have been surface only. I don’t have time for a deep commitment. No time for arguments that are unresolved, no time for hurt feelings, and no friggin' time to worry if I’ve hurt her feelings, or - even worse - disappointed her in some way. I’ve never even thought about being in a solid, for-life, kind of relationship. At least not until Elspeth entered center stage in the story of my life, messing with my head… and, let’s not forget –heart.

But, she made herself perfectly clear last night. She doesn’t need me. And I guess –want me. She wouldn’t listen to reason. After her mother fell down, we had a heated discussion about how they needed to relocate. I promised I’d take care of all the necessary applications for delayed certification. Her mother would be accepted without any assessments, and she would immediately be getting the kind of care she should be having right now.

Elspeth wouldn’t hear of it. She refused to even listen to me. She even acted like I was talking nonsense, feigning lack of understanding. We went round and round. She definitely has a stubborn streak in her. It made me so mad though, I was full of fury, so I reined it in and shifted to the polar opposite direction, begging her to move in with me. I did exactly what I had promised myself I wouldn’t do. I pushed. I bulldozed right over her resolve. Not that it did any good. And, as if that wasn’t enough, the cherry I threw on top of the powder keg-cake was, I told her that I could offer her and her mother a much better life than the one they were living.

And - what a friggin' surprise - just like a furious cat, her shoulders raised, the hairs running down her back were prickling, and she hissed at me, reminding me that she had taken care of herself and her mother very well prior to me, and she'll continue to do so long after I’m gone.

That’s all it took for me to exit. I fled so fast, my feet barely hit the ground. “I don’t need this!” I hissed right back at her. I don't need her! My mind screamed at my heart, reminding myself that I had done just fine on my own, and I didn’t need a stubborn woman ruining my life.

-

My head dropped and my eyes blinked heavily, as I tried to ignore the stabbing pain behind my eyes. I walk back to the portable office, grimacing as the last words spoken play over and over again like a broken record. “I don’t need this!” Those are the words I had chosen to holler out at her as I flew off the swing on their porch, leaving her swaying wildly. Storming down the steps, I added that this was the very reason I didn’t do relationships. She hollered out after me as she also flew off the swing, coming over to the porch railing, leaning out past it, watching me storm down the path towards my car.

“Whoever said this was a relationship!?”

Speaking of haunting. Those words felt like they’d been branded to the backs of my eyelids. I raked my hand hard over my face and through my hair, stepping up onto the metal stairs that lead into my transport office. Thankfully it was empty. Without further thought, I shoved my emotions to the recesses of my brain, and I buried myself in my job. At least that was something I was good at.

-

Another day was under my belt. At least I could feel like I’d accomplished something. The day ran uncharacteristically smoothly. Kendahl and I fell into our groove, –after I apologized. My crew worked like the professionals that they are, and we processed six hundred and seventy people. The max number that we cannot exceed is seven hundred. So yeah, we were feeling pretty good. I had even calmed down the family who swore their prized possessions had taken off without them, even leading them to the possession’s unit that housed their boxes, pointing out the said missing boxes. The wife hugged me, teary eyed.

My crew were all heading to their travel units, talking about the day, about their plans for the evening, about common interests. Just the run-of-the-mill kind of conversations. The mood was light, several were making plans to meet at a club downtown that welcomed processors. It was like the old-fashioned bars where cops would hang out - like we’d seen in old movies and TV programs.

It was a place for like-minded people to go and relax, feeling like they belonged. It was nice. People in this type of work really didn’t have other connections. We weren’t the norm. We weren’t working within the boundaries of Beginning, which unintentionally made us almost unapproachable. Beginning citizens couldn’t - or wouldn’t - relate to what we did for a living.

Most of us couldn’t care less. We were made of the cloth that had a little rebellion deep down. It wasn’t noticeable, but yet –there was… like this invisible force field around people in our line of work. A union that held an invisible cord running through each of us –all knowing that if anyone ever needed help, we’d be there for them. We had proven that theory time and again. We trusted one another with our lives.

-

There were twenty-seven Processing Units like ours, stationed all around the globe, working for the completion of Beginning. We had five stationed just in the America’s alone. I was fortunate to be the main one located near Beginning. I honestly felt the relocation into Beginning was a very fair, very just system.

They didn’t only take in towns and cities that were bordering them, working their way outward. They're plan had been devised to take in the closest cities running along Beginning's borders first - so they could continue in their expansion efforts - but then they’d reach out to the outer regions, bringing citizens in, so cities that were farther out, weren’t feeling like they’d never get processed. A lot of studies went into their decisions, checking weather patterns first.

Many places were experiencing heavy drought, making it impossible for them to live in their city. Obviously, they would take precedence over other cities. They also send teams out, assessing all the living conditions of waiting cities, making sure to get supplies needed to them. On occasion, every month or so, I go out with them, searching for people to join my crew. There’s a lot riding on the way this process moves along. We have a lot of territory to cover, and the earth’s deterioration isn’t sitting back, waiting for us to catch up. We have to keep charging forward, we have no other options.

I’d noticed, even in the few years I’ve been doing this, residents who are still waiting to be processed and relocated, are getting more and more on edge as the earth continues to feel like it’s burning up all around them. I’m sure I’d be nervous too if I were in their shoes. 

Beginning is on top of it, even planning far in advance, realizing the further out we go, the more rest stops will be needed so they’re working as quickly as humanly possible to extend Beginning’s borders, although they need to walk a fine line. If they grow too fast, the Changeover might get strained, jeopardizing all of Beginning. Those masterminds behind all of this just blow my mind. To be that smart… I can’t even comprehend it.

-

I glance up from checking the time and see Calvary and Decker waltzing in, walking over to me –arms wrapped around each other’s waist and shoulder. Everyone knows they're a couple. They don't try to hide it, and -I mean… they're cute as hell.

“Hey boss,” Calvary's eyes are bright. The two of them are so in love it's hard not to hate them for it. No. Truth be told, I love them. They've been with me for a few years, and they've been as loyal as the day is long. They're like the younger brother and sister I never had.

They were so young when they joined my motley crew, both barely eighteen. They were already a couple. Highschool sweethearts. But I saw the potential. They’re smart as a whip, and when you put the two of them together, I don’t think there’s a problem they can’t find a solution for. They both just became full-fledged adults over the last couple months. So, they’ve been getting their feet wet these last few weeks, trying out different night clubs.

I live vicariously through them because, as of late, I’ve given up on all of that. I’ll stop at our bar, hang out with the crew a couple nights a week. But I only stick to a beer or two, nothing more. I don’t want to end up doing something I’ll regret in the morning. I’ve had too many nights like that under my belt.

“What are you two still doing here? You should be long gone by now. The rest of the team cleared out almost an hour ago already.”

Decker pauses a few feet from me, pulling Calvary closer to his side. “We just came from the cute little bar over on main street.” Calvary butts in. “Everyone was just talking the place up all day so we…” “decided to check it out.” Decker finishes her sentence. “What’s the name of it again?” He glances down to his girlfriend who’s wrapped snugly under his arm while her arms lock around his waist. “Jackpot, or Jack’s place…” Calvary looks over towards me. “Something stupid like that.”

“Well? Was it any good?” I look back and forth between them. “I mean, if you went to a bar… obviously you didn't stay very long… you know… since you're here already.” Decker leaned in closer. There aren’t many people still mingling around but he lowers his voice anyways. “Didn’t seem very safe. A bunch of rednecks came in and started mouthing off about BUD, saying they thought it was all an elaborate hoax to get people's property and possessions…”

“You know,” Calvary jumps in, “same old hassle, just different places, different faces. Decker didn't want to get into it with them –you know, in case they were wondering who we were… so we just bugged out.”

“Good thing we left when we did because there was some yelling and stuff happening, we just booked it out of there.” Calvary shutters. “I swear to god that they're the same group, just moving from town to town.” Decker's voice drops an octave. “I still question if there's some form of underground activity going on.” His eyes land on me, continuing. “Have you heard any murmuring about that being a possibility?” “Ignore him. Decker’s been toting that tune for a long time.” Calvary's quick to add. I look between the two of them. “Believe me! I've heard. Sorry buddy, no new information. Nobody tells me anything that doesn't pertain to my job.” I laugh a dry laugh. They both nod in unison.

“Well, what's your plans for the rest of the night?” Decker still has Calvary snug under his arm, both her arms are now wrapped tighter around his waist as she leans into his solid chest, resting against him as her body is almost limp. I smile at them, but the tinge of pain that I've been fighting to not take hold all day has now gripped my trachea, and I swear I'm gonna choke to death. I question if I’ll ever have this kind of relationship or if I’ll always just blow it up before it can ever grow into anything.

I take a gulp of air and squeak out that I'm just heading for home. They nod n-sync once again and decide to leave it at that. I don't know… maybe they’ve sensed I'm a millisecond away from breaking out crying! To avoid embarrassing us all I wish them a good night, followed up by I'll see ya in the morning. “Bye boss!” Calvary shouts as they start towards the docking stations.

A deep sigh slips out as I rub my hands over my face. They scratch my skin, being rough with calluses. The first few days when we arrive at a new city, I find myself helping out as needed because once my crews have their marching orders, get outta their way and let them do what they do best. 

Manual labor has been my choice for my afternoon activity. I needed something physical to work off my tension. God! Frustration, melded together with sexual tension, and I'm a powder keg waiting to explode.

Tonight, my plans should include visiting my girlfriend, but apparently, we aren't a couple. According to Elspeth, we aren't even in a relationship. My anxiety is at its max. I want to go see her, to hash things out, I'm equally worried about how Ailith is doing. Is that reason enough to swing by there? It’s on my way –only taking a forty-five-minute detour.

I look at my watch. It's already getting late. Dang it! I need to head home. This is ridiculous. A woman tying me up in knots is completely unacceptable! I decide to not jump back into the murky waters. I have no relationship training and I'm too tired to find out if what we have constitutes as a relationship. Elspeth said it didn't, so tonight I'm still a bachelor, unattached.

-

Once I’m back within the boundaries of Beginning, heading straight for home is the last thing I want to do, so I find my travel unit stopping in front of the bar I normally frequent. It’s not my crew's hangout, but it’s near my apartment, making it convenient to bring someone back to my place. I know exactly what waits for me on the other side of that door.

My eyes bore into the amber-colored glass the top portion of the door is made out of, seeing it all play out. Kayla, Bathy, and Shell are all bartenders. It’s a popular place, those three all tote the same “uniform,” If it can be called that. Skimpy short shorts that show off the firm curvature of their rear-ends, and a cropped top that probably could also fit just perfectly on a toddler. There isn’t much left to the imagination. And I don’t need to use my imagination because I’ve seen it all, on all three of them.

Instantly my mind drifts to Elspeth. Her loose-fitting, cotton sundresses just float over her body, leaving everything to the imagination. I shift in my seat, readjusting what’s going on in my pants. God! Even just the thought of her takes me there. I’ve never seen her, yet the thought of her is a hell of a lot sexier than what any of those women inside offer up so freely.

I’m stuck outside the bar, my unmade, not thought-out plans are wavering. I know I should just walk in that door, down a few beers, and take one of them home with me. At least that frustration could easily be satisfied. I’ve done it hundreds of times. The three of them are like sisters, and they love to share. Sometimes they all enjoy spending a night with me.

Not saying I don’t enjoy that as well, but that’s just sexisfaction. Satisfying the primal urge. But is that what I want tonight? My body is screaming yes! Elspeth has had my balls aching so many nights that I can hardly walk. But Flack! As much as my body is demanding relief. My mind and —Shite! My heart… are yelling out even louder that I won’t be satisfied unless it’s with her. She’s ruined me!

“Ugh!!!” I smack my palms hard against my steering wheel. How the heck did I end up in this mess? This is a friggin' road I’ve never traveled, and I don’t even have the coordinates to get out of this nightmare that I’m in. 

Finally, I've decided –screw this! I'm gonna have myself a beer, take in the scenery, and see how I feel from there.

My feet feel like they're cast in cement as I drag myself the few meters it takes me to get to the front door. I pull it open, and the scent of mingling singles washes over me, violating all my senses as a cocktail of cologne, perfume, and sweaty, horny bodies blend together for one powerful punch.

It's busy enough that I go undetected as I make my way to the end of the bar where a couple empty stools are. I'm barely there for a minute when Bathy spots me, squealing out my name. Before I can reply, she’s straddling my lap, grinding herself into me as her fingers lock solidly behind my neck.

My groin is instantly on fire. Not for her, per se’, it's only because it's been a while. She notices. Of course she does as she's now smirking at me. “Well Sugar, we've missed you too!” It's cute because her southern drawl gets thicker as the night goes on and by the time it's closing time, you can hardly understand her. She wiggles in my lap, her long legs practically wrapping me and the back of the stool up in them. And I'm in pain. This was a bad idea. A really bad idea.

“Girls!” She shifts herself, practically hanging from my neck like a baby monkey as she turns, not releasing her hands or her legs while she calls out. The other two are behind the bar plus they have two new bartenders with them. Just as sexy, in just as skimpy uniforms. Thankfully they all are busy serving customers except for one of the new gals, who doesn't miss a beat and is standing next to my stool in a blink.

Her elbow goes to resting on the bar as she leans into it, looking me up and down. “This is him, Sasha. I wasn’t exaggerating, was I!” Bathy leans in, kissing my cheek while my hands fight with where I should place them. Normally, any other night - in what is apparently my other life now - I'd have a tight grip of her rear end in the palm of my hands.

Sasha is chewing on a plastic straw, still assessing me while Bathy just keeps shifting and wiggling in my lap. “You should see what I'm sitting on, then you'll know for certain I wasn’t exaggerating.” She looks to Sasha and back at me. “Isn't that right Sugar!” Without my permission, she unhooks her legs and reaches down between us, giving me a hard squeeze.

I groan as my hands fly out, landing with a jerk, right below her ribcage as I fly off the stool, practically hoisting her into the air, depositing her on the bar top. “What's the matter Pumpkin? Has it been too long? Do we need to take care of that for you Darling?” She looks over to Sasha, who is now grinning from ear to ear as her eyes are focused exactly where my problem lies. “Cover us, would ya?” Bathy calls to the other three as she hops off the bar.

I haven't opened my mouth yet. I'm in way over my head and I'm afraid the wrong part of my body is now in control and has hijacked my brain. Sasha still hasn't spoken but she takes hold of my hand, as she rakes over my body with the hungriest of eyes, while leading me back to the women's bathroom.

The door swings wide, Bathy checks the stalls, nodding at Sasha and she turns, locking us in. My palms are sweaty, and my jeans are stretched to their limit. The moment the two of them hear the click of the lock they're all over me. Before I can even come out of the haze, I'm in, my jeans are shoved down and Sasha is kneeling in front of me while Bathy is undoing my shirt.

Oh god! What's happening? Before Sasha puts her mouth on me, my hands clamp down on her shoulders. Her smokey eyes look up at me, questioning what I want her to do while her hands snake up my thighs, landing at my butt. I'm trembling with adrenaline. “You were not oversold.” Are the first smooth-as-silk words that come out of her mouth.

I begin backpedaling as fast as I can, feigning illness… a headache, yeah, a really bad headache. “Sugar,” Bathy starts kissing over my chest, her hands running over my abs, working their way down as Sasha's hands are palming me hard. “Let us ease that headache away for ya Darling.”

I'm gonna explode any second now and I gotta get myself out of here. “I'm so sorry ladies; I'll have to take a rain check.” With one hand I'm trying to gently push them back from me while the other hand is grabbing my briefs, trying to agonizingly pull them up over my boner. They don't take the hint as they're purring and pawing continues. 

I finally use both hands to get dressed again, fighting against hands and fingers that want the opposite, and I apologize all over myself as I'm backing away, stumbling all over myself as they move with me like they're honed into every misstep I take.

With all the restraint I can muster, I kiss both their cheeks and apologize for the tenth or twentieth time, walk backwards toward the door, not wanting to turn my back on them, and reach behind me, unlocking it.

And then I just book it, making my way to the front door as quickly as humanly possible with a cannon ready to explode between my legs. I could barely sit in my car, so I grabbed some fast-food napkins that were shoved into my glovebox, and I relieve myself. It was almost painful; it was so bad.

My heart is beating out of my chest but I gotta get out of here. I look up and see Bathy standing in the doorway, her arms are raised, her palms flat open to the sky, as she shrugs, silently asking me what the Fuu… My eyes drop from embarrassment. I'll never be able to step in there again.

“Take me home.” My words come out resigned. But my car obeys my command without question, and it only takes a few minutes before my travel unit stops in front of my place. Streetlights are affixed to each travel unit pad so the whole ‘street’ so-to-speak, looks unified and inviting. Lights shine through each home, and I question what neighbor's lives are like. Do they have families, friends visiting, kids running around making all kinds of noise? Will I ever have that? Do I even want that? My mind immediately answers that question with a hell-yes, if it’s with Elle, for sure. With that thought I’m instantly sick to my stomach. I’ll never have that.

As I sit alone in my car, looking around me, not wanting to activate my legs yet, I feel a loss. After being out where Elspeth and her mother live, things here seem a little too perfect, too uniform, too sterile. The wilderness and nature do such a better job of creating a perfect setting. How can us mere humans compete with mother nature? And then my heart sinks all the way into my gut as I once again wonder if she would ever be happy here with me.

I practically jump out of my skin when there’s rapid pounding against my passenger side window. I look up to see…Oh F-me! Tawny is standing there, bent over, looking in at me, allowing me to look at everything she’s got going on. 

My hand rakes over my face as she straightens, her one leg protruding past a long slit in her hot pink skirt that goes up way too high. She folds her arms around her waist, but her large bust almost smothers them. She is dressed to kill and I'm pretty sure there's a hit out on me tonight. I need to check my shirt to see if there's a bullseye painted on my back.

She bends back down, her nails tapping the glass. Now what!?! I maneuver myself, carefully stuffing the discarded napkins I had to use, down under my seat before she notices them and starts screaming out Pervert for all my neighbors to hear.

“Good evening, Tawny.” I struggle to say it without sarcasm dripping from my mouth. “You look very nice tonight!” Why did I say that? She's not speaking, she's just glaring at me, shooting daggers.

“Was there something I could do for you?” She's already steaming even before she opens her mouth. “Can you help me?” I look all around us. Is this a trick question, maybe a trap? “Um….” I'm standing there dumbfounded. “Oh, just forget it! Why did I ever think you could pretend to be a decent person.” She turns away from me and marches towards her door without looking back my way.

Okay! I can handle this - one of two ways. I could follow her and ask what she wanted. There's a potential that I'll get sucked into something with her that I don't want to deal with, or I can just chalk it up to her being a bitch and she can keep thinking of me as a dick. No harm - no fowl. I think I could live with that.

I start towards my door when I hear her sniffling. Don’t look over there. Her business is her own… Ah jeez, I glance over and get sucked into her vortex of potential problems as she's helplessly punching codes into her keypad. Just ignore her. “Hey, what did you need?” Idiot!

She won't look at me now, she's so stinking stubborn! That night at the neighborhood party she wouldn't take no for an answer, it's no wonder I'm skittish.

I take four lengthy steps in her direction. “Tawny.” She pauses fumbling with the keypad but still keeps her head down. Her blonde hair is falling forward so I can't see her face but she’s sniffling still as one hand seems to be swiping away tears.

My head falls back as I stare up at the heavens asking why me!? I get no reply, so I take another step closer. It's like I'm walking through a minefield, just waiting for a misstep to set bombs off. My hand raises to just above her shoulder, but then I think better about that idea, so I drop it, swiping it over my pant leg. My hands are sweating again and I'm furious with my friggin life.

“What did you want to ask me?” My voice is low, quiet, not wanting to spook her. Finally after what seems like an eternity, she raises her head, sniffles loudly, and brushes her hair away from her face. Here we go. My brain is on high alert as I try to preemptively prepare myself for whatever this is about. It doesn't help. I'm still clueless.

“Do you want to come in?” Her mascara has been smudged, and her eyes resemble raccoon eyes. She's still really attractive though and obviously vulnerable right now, so the thought of the two of us being alone in her apartment seems almost as bad as being led to the lady's bathroom. I'm batting 0 for 0. “How bout you just ask me what you wanted to ask me.”

She shirks her shoulder, turning away from me again as she punches in her keycode, still getting it wrong. She breathes out a heavy slang and her palm smacks against her door. “What's your code, let me give it a try.” Her head spins towards me and I have a panicked feeling smacking me hard in the gut as the vision of The Exorcist plays in my head. Linda Blaire's character being possessed by demons. Another old movie I should’ve avoided watching.

Tawny snaps at me. “Do you honestly think I would give you the code to enter my house? Are you insane!?” Oh crap! A few strong expletives get flung around in my thoughts. “Listen. I've had a long day, what is it you need from me?” Her lower lip comes out, trembling, and I’m afraid… “Just forget it! I don't need anything from you!” “FINE!” I start to turn from her, mumbling under my breath what a crappy day this has been all while her perfectly painted, matching hot pink nail polished fingernails are pointing at me to leave.

“Whatever!” I bark out as I march away. I'll need something stronger than a beer tonight. I’m already sick of trying to be honorable. What has it got me?

-

My key fob slides onto the extended key-tray that automatically swishes back into the wall. Haywire is faithfully wagging his tail as he sits on the marble entryway to my penthouse. I laugh as I greet him, bending to rub my calloused hand over his head, smashing in his ear, and landing with my fingers scratching his jowls. “Leave it to you to always make my day a little better Buddy.”

Before I know it, he’s on his back, his legs kicking into the air, begging for belly scratches. Of course I oblige. I am, after all, his lifelong servant, put on this earth to satisfy and meet his every need. A good half hour passes before I untangle my folded-up legs and stand from sitting cross-legged in my entry. Haywire has sufficiently been rubbed and scratched, and I have sufficiently been able to clear my mind.

And there it is! That’s what Haywire offers me. A way to focus my attention solely on him, making his life perfect, because - even though I live in a perfect world - my mind is far from thinking perfect thoughts. At least that’s one thing they haven’t mastered a way to control. But I wouldn’t put it past them to be working on a solution for that.

-

I’m finally tucked in bed, feeling soul-crushingly exhausted. Haywire's resting partially over my thigh as I sit, leaning against my oversized, leather headboard looking around my room. It's sleek. I designed it as a bachelor pad. The women I’ve had here have always commented on how cool it is. And I take pleasure in sharing that it’s my design.

All of my Brazilian Rosewood cabinets are built into the wall on the left side of my bed. The ceiling fan is huge. Airplane propeller-huge! It moves so slowly that you’re barely aware of the light breeze it offers, but it keeps the air flowing effortlessly throughout the room.

The wall across from my ultra-king-sized bed, on my sleek, deep navy-blue wall, is a large, black and white photo of an old Bomber B-29. We aren’t allowed to talk about past wars, but they allow artwork of all kinds.

I’ve been working to get my pilot’s license for the past year. I want to fly. It’s been a dream of mine for as far back as I can remember. As a little boy, I would watch the crop dusters flying over the fields in a fairytale blue and puffy clouded sky. That was the dream of a young, naive son of a farmer who felt his feet were solidly planted in the soil that he could never break free from. And that dream has never left me.

Beginning encourages us to take on new challenges. It stimulates the mind, therefore, stimulating the body! I concur! I laugh at myself. But then I remember that I’m sitting up in bed all alone. Ok, Haywire is with me, but… let's not go there. He is not what I need right now. I need to get laid. No! I need Elspeth by my side. And then I need to get laid! I have a fleeting thought, wondering if she'd like my room or would she want to change it to something more feminine. Why do I care? It's over, it has to be. I need to move on. I ask the TV monitor to turn on and select something for me, which it does.

It’s been running for a while but I'm not really paying attention, I didn’t even catch the title, my mind takes in the show but doesn’t register anything that’s going on. I’m so screwed! “Shut off.” The TV goes silent, Haywire ramps up his snoring, and I slip deeper under the covers, seeking relief, seeking a decent night’s sleep. Preferably without dreaming of her.