Like Nothing I've Ever Known Before

As I walked down the narrow dirt road –that was really more of an overgrown wide path - I heard her giggling, and I swore angels were singing in the forest. Just as I caught a glimpse of her, she disappeared around the cottage, still giggling to herself, her blue cotton dress flitting around her legs as she turned the corner, running in the opposite direction from me.

I picked up my pace, making my way to the front of the cottage, aiming to cut her off. Well, I certainly did cut her off, I more like crashed head-long into her. My hands reached out instinctually, grabbing hold of her forearms, keeping her from tumbling to the ground, all while a stray black streak scurried between our legs, heading straight for the front porch screaming - or baaing - it's little head off like he was going to be supper.

Elspeth was cursing under her breath but let out a loud laugh as she practically fell into my arms. “Sheffield!” She laughed out his name as she looked lovingly up at me. “God, you have a great laugh.” My first words to her caused her eyes to sparkle with life. “I'm sorry I just messed up your chase.” She shook her head at me, still grinning.

“That little demon child will be the death of me.” Her breath blew out as she swiped several loose strands of hair that had landed over her face and tucked them behind her ear. I just watched her as my arms snaked around her tiny waist.

“Alister.” She was grinning up at me now and I bent, lightly touching my lips to hers. A tiny moan melted into my mouth, and I had to fight every instinct I was having not to devour her right there in front of her home. Her hands slipped around my neck, her fingers reaching up into my hair as she pulled me in closer. I felt her tongue swiping over my bottom lip and I let out a deep growl.

“Ellie!!!!” I opened my eyes, Elle’s eyes opened wide too, and I felt a smile creep onto her mouth, making me laugh. “Git in here and deal with this little monster!” Ailith was cursing. “He’s destroying everything!” Elspeth pulled away from me, rolling her eyes as she apologized and turned to run into the house.

I stood outside for a moment, relishing the heat roaming wildly through my body. The scent of her now in my nostrils. Not even a day apart and I missed everything about her.

She pulled me away from thoughts of her as she came out of the cottage carrying a little spit fire. Softly scolding him as his baas and bleating could probably be heard for kilometers. His stick-straight legs, tipped with jet black, tiny hooves, were kicking in every direction as she kept her tight grip around his waist.

“Can I help at all, I feel like you could use some —” She shook her head and walked past me, asking me to join her, saying I could open the gate for her. For being so tiny, the little baby goat put up quite a fight. She could barely contain him.

As we stopped just outside the fence line, I was taken with the wide-eyed expression of this tiny creature she was now cradling as he stared up at me, crying for his mother. My palm went over his forehead and cupped his face. Immediately he leaned into my hand as my thumb gently rolled over his nose to his forehead. Before I knew what was happening, he quieted, as my thumb ended up being the perfect pacifier. He suckled it, making loud baby noises until his mother came barreling over, scolding me and demanding her child be returned. I unlatched the rickety latch and swung the gate wide so Elspeth could step in.

Reluctantly - on both our parts - the baby was placed in the small pasture as the demon child reappeared, pushing out of Elspeth's arms, squirming his way to the ground, kicking and bucking as he ran over to his mama, immediately nuzzling into her. Elspeth stood watching for a few moments before running her palm across her brow, blowing out a breath while once again, tucking her hair back behind her ears.

“Well, that's your entertainment for the night.” She chuckled, turning to face me. “Come back at 8 for the dinner show.” Her hands slide down her skirt, over and over again, ironing out the creases. “Not really how I pictured the start of this evening.” She spoke, exasperated as she unlatched and reset the gate, finally being on the same side as me. She smiled up at me and turned to watch the little guy nursing from his mother.

“Sorry about all of that, he snuck out when I went in to check their waterer. I swear he's Houdini's apprentice.” I just kept grinning at her. She was so amazing. Her cheeks were flush, her breathing a little heavy. She looked flustered but very adorable.

I hadn’t seen her this way. Up until now, she’s always been so put together. It made her more human to me… How crazy our brains are. But I liked knowing she couldn’t control every aspect of her life. That’s what I always struggled with, trying to control my world. I thought on that for a minute. Maybe I could continue to let my guard down for this one.

My arm snaked around her waist as I pulled her into me. She was so soft, so pliable, so willing to mold her body to mine. Her backside planted itself right into my groin area and I let out a heavy breath. She chuckled as she slightly ground into me. As my arms tightened around her waist, we both watched the mother and baby for a while longer. It was so peaceful here. Tranquil. Elspeth’s head rested against my chest, and I kissed the top of her head, breathing in the freshness from being outside along with a hint of her lavender shampoo scent. Her hair was soft as corn silk, and I was aching to run my fingers through it and fist it as I made her cry out from turning her on.

We stayed quiet, but with all my thoughts of her, things were happening in my lower region –that didn’t go undetected. Elspeth’s hand slipped between us, and she palmed my hardness. “Already?” Her voice was soft, seductive. My head bent as I whispered in her ear. “I’m always ready when I’m around you.” Her skin erupted in goosebumps.

She spun around, resting her forearms against my chest while she looked up at me. “Always?” Her eyes sparkled like the morning sun. Even in this low light they brought me to a place I could live forever in. My kisses started at her earlobe. “Even when you aren’t near me.” I peppered her cheek with pecks and my tongue slid along her cheekbone, barely touching her there.

“You’ve got me so wound up.” Another kiss went to her jawline. “All I have to do is think of you,” my lips touched the side of her mouth, and she let out a deep exhale. “And I’m already there.” Now my lips engulfed her, and she accepted me, fully. Our arms and our hands and our mouths were set free. I finally ran my fingers through those silky long strands of hers until I fisted them, tilting her head just perfectly so we could make better contact, and our mouths were once again satisfying the other.

“Ellie!!!!” Allith called from the front porch. “Your food isn’t gonna finish itself! What’re you doing out there? Alister will be here any minute!” We laughed into each other’s mouths, dragging ourselves from one another. “He’s already here Ma!” She called out.

Her fingers danced down my sleeve and slid into my palm. I locked into her hand as we walked, side by side, over to the cottage. I was aching. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. She had me so revved up and now I had to cool my jets. I had no idea if we’d be able to be together - in that way - tonight. I had to calm down.

Unlike other -so-called - dates, I enjoyed spending time with Elspeth and her ma. Their company didn’t drain me, instead it filled me.

Usually, with other women, I’d hate the awkward silences while we shared a meal, only acting like we both wanted the date experience, when all either of us wanted was to skip over the traditions and get down to it. I had got it down to a science, only seeking out women who wanted the same thing. No strings attached. Just fun in the sack, and a thank ya Jack, and be on our merry ways.

-

The three of us had just finished with dinner when Ailith got up and went to her bed to lie down. She insisted that Ellie stay at the table with me, and that she could put herself to bed. Elle complained a little, but we both knew she wanted to stay right where she was. We had had a lovely evening, the food was great, the fire was warm, and the company was out of this world. I loved these two women.

Ailith yelled out that she forgot about the dessert and would be back after a little rest. We both chuckled as Elle called back that she’d come and get her up in a little while. There wasn’t an answer, so we figured she dozed off already.

Elspeth and I got lost in conversation as I shared more about my concerns with how Beginning was operating. I had been opening up more and more, feeling like I could completely trust her. I hadn’t shared my concerns with anyone. If word got out, I’d most likely be –well, I honestly wasn’t sure what would happen.

The two of us had been traveling down rabbit holes, getting wrapped up in our conversation. She invigorated me, challenged me. We found ourselves getting into a very heated debate. I had made some comment about the fact that no one wrote anymore, and I was grateful for that because my penmanship stunk.

She couldn’t believe her ears as she swore up and down that people still wrote --that it was a valuable tool, and that cursive writing should still be taught. Which, I quickly jumped in and told her it was a waste of valuable school time, when kids could actually be learning something that was of importance.

“Elle, cursive died out years ago, no one hardly even writes anymore. Period!” “You’re talking out of your…” My finger went over her lips. “Hey, hey, hey… be careful what comes out of that beautiful mouth of yours I still might want to kiss it.” She batted my hand away, laughing. "Cursive is not only beautiful, it’s an art that should never be tossed away, but it also trains the mind –offering perfect hand/eye coordination. It matters!”

We went round and round. There was no way I was going to give in on this one specific topic. I didn’t know a single person who knew how to write cursive, and I’d bet my car that half the people I know don’t even know what cursive is. So, I held on for the ride like I was in the rodeo on a drop dead gorgeous bucking bronco.

” Listen Elle, I don’t want to argue with you.” I was tired. This woman knew how to debate. In hopes of ending this disagreement without me losing all my dignity, I stretched my arm across the table, taking hold of her elbow, rubbing my thumb over the bare skin of her forearm, hoping to woo her into a peace treaty.

“This is not arguing Alister!” I almost laughed at that. In fact, I sort of choked on my sip of tea. “I’m sorry, I thought loud conversations where two people don’t agree about something constituted arguing.” She turned fully to face me, “Alister dear, I’m simply trying to explain why I’m right and you’re wrong.”

This time I let out a breathy humph. She was not going to get the better of me just because she was GD beautiful. “Oh!? Is that what this is? Here I go again, getting it all wrong.” Her eyes lit up, that crooked half smile of hers slipped into place, and she just looked at me. In moments like this I felt like we could make it –this relationship I hadn’t a clue how to do.

She just drank me in. I had never felt anything like it before. It warmed me from the inside out. All of a sudden, I couldn't even remember what I was trying to convince her of. I scooted off my chair, kneel-walked over to hers, and wrapped my arms around her thighs, my hands cupping her backside.

Her hands instantly went into my hair, scratching my scalp and running her fingers through it. My head landed on her lap. I felt so complete. So utterly in love. “You know Alister,” I was already in a dream state, but I mumbled back at her. “The answer you’re looking for is inside of you… but sweetheart, you’re just wrong!” “I have no idea what that means, but alright.” In this moment, it didn’t matter anymore, nothing was of importance, she could have her way with me.

Her fingers were still roughing up my hair and she gripped my head, pulling it up off her lap, and I just started moaning, completely irritated with her. “In this house we don’t end discussions that are unresolved.” “What if I don’t care anymore.” She let out her melodious laugh. The one that came from deep inside of her. “Hmm, maybe I like that you give in so easily, this is going to work out wonderfully for me.”

My eyes were fixed on her as she sat smugly smiling at me as I stayed kneeling on the floor in front of her. I would offer up a knee and bow down to this queen anytime, anywhere.

“How bout I let you win all our arguments, does that sound like a good compromise?” She tsked at me. “Alister darling, you and I haven’t had a full argument yet, this is just a light disagreement.” I shifted back on my haunches. “Hmm. I feel like I should be getting really worried right about now.” She just sat, grinning at me like she knew she had already won every argument we’ll ever have. “Should I be worried?”

” Yes Alister…” She leaned forward, resting her mouth right at my ear. “You should be vee-rry worried.” A maniacal laugh came from her, and I leaned up, taking hold of her face, crashing into her mouth, roughly kissing her. And all she did - as she kissed me back - was laugh in the most seductive way. My skin was covered in goosebumps. No woman has ever done that to me before, and - all joking aside - I was terrified of this woman. Freaking Terrified!

-

We had finished dessert, apple cobbler –which was delicious and we’re all relishing the afterglow of a great evening. I sat at the table, elbows resting there, my chin set in my hands, staring over at Elspeth who was watching her ma sharing stories of Elle’s childhood. “Oh Mama, you need to stop.” Elspeth’s cheeks were crimson, and I was loving this.

Allith looked my way, her almost toothless grin wide as the horizon. Her eyes sparkling with mischief. She was so much more chipper after her nap. I was grateful. I wished for more time.

“It’s true, Ellie was the first girl to ever win the county pie eating contest. You should have seen her, wolfing down blueberry pies like there was no tomorrow. Her lips were blue, her teeth were blue, blueberries were hanging in her hair…” Elspeth’s hand landed over her ma’s forearm.

“Ma, please stop!” Her hands went over her cheeks, trying to hide the flushness in them.

“No! This is great!” I looked at her and the edges of her eyes crinkled as she let out a breathy laugh. “I’m trying to picture you wolfing down pie after pie. Quite a sight.” “Stop!” Her hand now slapped my forearm, and I grabbed hold of it, lacing my fingers through hers. “And that’s not the best part!” Her ma pipped back up.

“Mama, No!” Allith was laughing now. Coughing and laughing. It was great to see her so filled with life. For several of my visits here she had been withdrawn, sitting in her rocker, or bedridden. I was grateful that last night and tonight she seemed really chipper. I had hoped that it wasn’t the alertness that often precedes the end, right before someone ends up stroking out or having their heart stop. I've seen it too many times. Back in my old hometown where there were many aged farmers that came to the end of their lives. My mom was a nurse and often did homecare.

When I was young, I’d tag along. It never failed, those with the illness would champion towards the end, raise the hopes of family and friends, and then have a major set-back that quickly ended their life. My thoughts came back to the table. Both women were giggling as Elspeth was holding her free hand to her mouth while Allith shared what happened after the pie eating contest.

“All those lads were fit to be tied that a girl won. Two of them followed after Ellie when she went to the outhouse to wash up.” Elspeth now had her hands over her eyes, shielding herself from the impending embarrassment. We were all grinning at each other, waiting for the finale of the story.

“You could hear the crying and shouting all through the fairgrounds.” Allith pulled Elspeth’s arm, freeing her one hand from her face. “Do you want to tell it, or should I keep going?” “I am not telling this!” Elspeth barked and I laughed all the harder. Just watching the two of them was always a treat.

“Well, they thought they’d get the better of her, those two hoodlums, trying to bully my girl. But she showed them! She had them both on the ground, writhing in pain before anyone could even go intervene. I told them-there boys, that calm waters don’t always mean things are safe, there could easily be fast moving currents just underneath the surface and they shouldn’t never ever underestimate a girl! Specially my girl”

My hand reached for Elle’s forearm that was still covering her face. I had never seen such bright red cheeks that had now spread to her neck and ears. Her body was trembling with laughter. “Those idgits were rolling round on the ground…” Ailith was on a roll now, “grasping hold of their privates, moaning. It was a sight to see!”

Allith looked up at me. “Ellie was still stained in a deep purply-blue. Her grin taking over her little face. I was so proud! All the adults standing round were laughing, watching a couple bullies get their up-comings.”

“Needless to say,” Elspeth turned my way, still giggling. “Boys never messed with me again. Getting annihilated by a girl wasn’t something they wanted to parade around so they never bothered me. It probably was the best thing I could’ve done. Stupid boys could be brutal.”

“I know! I was a stupid boy once.” We were still giggling at the thought of Elle beating up those boys. “I bet you’d never pick on a girl.” She added, brushing her fingers over my forearm. "Not normally, but there was this one girl. Shanda. She was a freakin' bully. One day I finally put her in her place after she was terrorizing two girls in a younger grade. But I don’t think that actually counts.” “Of course not!” Elle smiled, patting my hand. “You were those little girl’s rescuer. That’s the opposite of bullying silly.”

Ailith stood and walked over to me, placing her frail hand on my shoulder. “You’re just what the doc ordered.” She whispered, right before she gave my cheek a little peck. She then walked over to Elspeth, bending to kiss her cheek. “See ya in the morning darling.” “Goodnight Mama, can I help with anything?” “Nope. This night’s a good night and I’ll take advantage of everyone of-em I git.”

We waited until Ailith closed her door and just sat for a moment, reflecting on the evening. I couldn’t ever remember enjoying anything as much as I had enjoyed tonight. I leaned across the edge of the table, planting a kiss on Elspeth's cheek. Our gaze locked. She was looking so far past me, into my depths, to a place I never allowed to be open and vulnerable. Her hand laid over mine as her fingers tightened around it.

For a few moments there, I felt her eye-fuck me. And it was the most seductive connection I had ever experienced. It was so intimate, she ripped my skin back and took everything I had and all that I was, completely unto herself. My face heated up and my mind flew miles away, to a point that I hadn’t even noticed Elspeth had come to stand by me.

She stood still, holding my hand until I stood beside her. In silence she led me out the front door, past the swing, down the steps, and to the grotto. She had it all laid out for us. Blankets spread, pillows… and she kneeled before me, still holding my hand, guiding me down with her.

Our gaze stayed locked. This feeling she was pulling out of me was something I didn’t want to give up. I literally felt the heat from inside me, blossoming from my core, surging through every appendage. The heaviest groan escaped my lips as I kneeled in front of her. A groan coming from a place of want.

Immediately she started unbuttoning my shirt and I just stayed still, letting her have the control that she had so cunningly taken a hold of. I liked this. No! I loved this. She was so different from anything I knew, and she was mine. We had claimed each other last night, and that bond felt stronger than any bond I’d ever known.

Her hands slid up my chest, her fingers dancing through my chest hair. My body was trembling from her touch. Her lips now came over my skin as her hands now undid my belt, my button, and my zipper.

Her kissing continued as her fingers made their way along my waistband, slowly, methodically shifting everything down past my butt, to my thighs. My shaft sprung free, becoming unearthed and eager to get into the game. She smiled up at me, her eyes full of care and love.

Her eyes raked over me as she made a study of my body.

The air was cool, but I was burning from the inside out. I remained still, experiencing the most intimate sexual tension I had ever known. I wanted to take her. God! I wanted to strip her down and enter her body. But more than those fiery urges, I wanted to relish the way she looked at me, the way she touched me.

She was lost in me. And I couldn’t believe how much I loved this woman. Until she put her mouth over me. My world exploded as I flew up into outer space. I didn’t think it was possible. But this night far exceeded our previous night. We were quiet, silently exploring each other. Filling one another up with something even deeper than love. I was sure of it. Positive no one on this planet had ever felt the way the two of us felt at our final release.

I was complete.

Tonight, I could die a happy, completely fulfilled, man. She snuggled up under my arm as she laid on her side, her thigh draped over mine. My arm pulled her in closer to me, our heat warming the other. I pulled up the blanket that was once again at our feet, and we laid in silent splendor.

“I love you Alister.” Her words danced over my chest.

“I love you Elle. With all my heart.” Her arm tightened over my chest as she let out a soft breath. We were quiet for a long while before she broke the silence. “Alister?” “Hmm,” She was quiet for too long, so I shifted. “Everything alright?” She laid over me like a draped velvet cloth –soft and supple. “What is it Elle?” “I’m just…” "What? Do you feel like we made a mistake?” Should we have waited?" 

She hummed. “Mmm… Some mistakes are just too much fun to only make once.” I laughed. Loudly. Right before I turned myself, along with her onto her back. “If you want it again Babe, just say so.” Her lips slipped into the most seductive smile, and I leaned in, biting her swollen bottom lip, making her squeal with delight.

Just like the previous night, I tucked my free arm up behind my head, propping myself, as I stared out at the open sky. The constellations were different here compared to my place. Plus, at my place, the stars competed with the city lights. Here, they got to shine out in all their glory.

My mind was so full. She had moved in and had taken up every single available space. I could put out a No Vacancy sign,

We still hadn’t talked about our future. After the other night when she refused to bring her mother in for tests, we hadn’t dared to broach the subject again. At least I hadn’t wanted to and she didn’t say any more about it. I tried to assuage my restless thoughts, telling myself that I was sure she must know the inevitable. Her mother would be gone from this earth soon, and she couldn’t stay here.

My assumptions had to be correct. She’d come live with me. That’s the only thing that made sense. And if she needed to be my wife to make that a reality, well –If her being my wife equaled her living with me, then… so be it. I couldn’t believe my own mind. I was actually talking about marriage without cringing. I really must love this woman. I closed my eyes, allowing my mind to have free reign. I slept hard, waking up a little unsure of where I was.

We ended up having a repeat of the night before. Elspeth was sound asleep, I glanced at my watch, it was after three and I needed to get home. Haywire was probably sound asleep, not missing me that much, since I had reprogramed his food dispenser to be automated again. But still, I didn’t like leaving him alone for so long. He was getting older, and I’d hate for anything to happen, and I wasn’t there to help him.

I shifted, allowing her head to land on my pillow as I slowly slid my arm from underneath her. She shifted slightly, lightly moaning. God, I wanted to stay with her, I wanted to take her again… always.

I clumsily climbed back into my clothes. I had dozed off a few times, every time waking up, startled, so I was a little out of it. I turned, scooping her up in my arms, and carried her inside, laying her on the couch. It wasn’t pulled out, so I just laid her on it, but ran back outside and grabbed the armful of blankets, carried them in, and gently laid them over her.

I sat beside her on the floor, watching her sleep. She definitely was an angel sent from heaven. I knew I didn’t deserve a woman like her, but I wasn’t going to look a gifted horse in the mouth. For whatever reason, she loved me –and I was good with that.

----

The next couple weeks were a daze. We were down to the last groups of the citizens of Topeka to be relocated, and everything was ramping up –as it always did near the end. Everyone, including my crew, gets restless when we near the end of relocating a city.

They have lives and plans outside of this job –unlike myself. Well, pre-Elspeth. And they can’t wait to finish up and take a well-deserved break. It was mandatory that my crew got a long break before we started again at a new location. After numerous conversations between myself and the director, we came to an understanding that my crew needed an extended time to recoup. We spent every day, from dawn to dusk, processing throngs of people in the worst conditions, often for weeks on end. They earned their time off.

So, as we all could see the light at the end of the tunnel, everyone’s spirits both rose up and also collided with the anxiety of wanting to be finished. This is usually when arguments broke out. Not only within my crew, but also with the citizens of whatever city we’re in. These last citizens have usually been waiting a very long time for their turn to leave. These are anxious times. I get it. So, I have to remain calm, offering words of reason, keeping the flow moving so there’s no time to grumble or complain. That’s a feat all in itself.

Personally, I had a lot of other issues I was dealing with outside of wrapping everything up in Topeka. Allith was completely bed-ridden now. She did exactly what I had expected she would. She took a turn for the worst. And even though Elspeth was hopeful, saying her mother had done this before, I knew better. This was the end. There was no more getting around that fact. I tried to voice my concerns, but Elspeth wouldn’t hear of it. I guess she needed to live in denial a little while longer. I didn’t blame her. Allith was her world. I had just hoped that somewhere in all of this, I was becoming her world.

By this point, I was stopping out there every day. After I messed up so badly, Ken and Decker had a few choice --well deserved words for me. Words that I really took to heart. I realized that both of these guys, my friends and co-workers, had good relationships and I would be a total idiot to not listen to their advice. I decided, from that moment on, they would be my relationship gurus. I’d figure out the ins and outs of being in a good relationship. Once I was committed, I couldn’t do anything half-assed. If I was into something, I was in it 300%.

Calvary kept begging me to bring Elspeth into Beginning. She wanted to meet this fairytale woman who had captured the elusive Alister Doyle. I knew I couldn’t ask Elspeth to come meet my friends. She couldn’t leave her mother alone. Once I explained it to Calvary, she understood, so instead, she often sent me off with a full meal, as did Jessie.

Elspeth said that I had good friends, and she couldn’t wait to meet them. But the moment she heard her words; her countenance fell as the realization flooded over her. The worst of it was, we were plagued, unable to be happy about our future lives together, because that reality was tangled up so tightly with Ailith’s passing.

-

Evenings at the cottage we're nothing but relaxing and refueling –even with the undertow of knowing the inevitable was just waiting around the corner. Elspeth had been right. Ailith’s illness had taken a temporary backseat, offering a short reprieve from being bed-ridden, so we enveloped her in love and conversation, sitting around a roaring fire, listening to story after story as she shared life experiences.

The gravity of realizing when Ailith passed, her life story would pass with her was weighing heavily on both Elle and I. I could tell how in tune Elspeth was to her mother as she soaked in every word, every phrase –greedily gobbling them up, cementing them into the foundation of who she was. Placing a cornerstone of her mother’s wisdom and humor as her guiding force. It was a thing of beauty –to witness this passing of the baton.

On several nights that I visited, Ailith and I would get into a heated game of Backgammon. I - being the nerd that I was - belonged to a Backgammon club in my sophomore and junior years, so I knew the game well. Not that it mattered, Ailith often wiped the floor with me, making me feel like that scrawny, dweeb of a boy who walked into my Backgammon club for the first time, toting a Mico-Mac backpack. Needless to say, after all the giggles and starring, that thing hit the donation box once I got home.

It didn’t matter though. Losing to Ailith never felt like a loss, she’d teach me some of her tricks, pat my hand, and tell me I did a good job. I would never take that from anyone - not even my mother - but the way Ailith delivered it, pacifying me, just made me love her all the more.

And I loved spending time with her, and the joking… God, she always had me in stitches, I’d often go home with a belly ache from all the laughter. And the more I got to know the both of them, the more I saw qualities that were almost foreign to me. They genuinely loved life, genuinely loved each other, and genuinely loved having me inserted into their small world.

-

Tonight, we were still gathered around their small table, Elspeth had made a warm and delicious vegetable soup, and we were now sitting back, sipping tea, listening to Ailith’s tall tales.

She shifted herself, leaning closer to us both. “Ellie,” her tiny hand stretches out and Elspeth immediately lays her palm out as Ailith lifts her hand, dropping it into Elle’s. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment before Ailith turns to me, stretching out her right hand. I follow Elle’s example and Ailith drops her hand in mine, immediately getting swallowed up. Her gaze now locks on me.

Those eyes of hers are not as bright as they once were, a little cloudy and bloodshot. Her age and her illness have done this damage. But that doesn’t matter, they still pierce directly into my soul, and I’m humbled as I realize she feels her time with me is of worth. “Ellie, Alister…” She now glances back and forth between us.

I don’t know about Elle, but I’m feeling lightheaded, like this is the most important moment in my life, so I sit statue still, not wanting to miss any word that comes out of her mouth, knowing that they are now numbered. “You two, I want to say something about love.

“I don't necessarily believe that love is meant to be like an explosion. It’s not meant to be dramatic, or devouring, or any number of silly words ascribed to it by writers and musicians, making it out to be some fantasy. Too many people git caught up in sonnets and not reality.” She squeezes our hands as tightly as she has strength for.

“Now, I ain't saying there aren’t moments within a relationship that are other worldly. I hope that’s the case with the two of you, cause those moments are the bookends to a happy, fulfilling life. But don’t put all of your weight on them, expecting them to hold ya up. They won’t! They never were intended for that role. They ain’t the ruler in which to measure your love.” Once again, she squeezes both of our hands in unison. I watch Elle as her lashes flutter. She’s such an innocent.

“See,” Ailith continues. “It's all the bits in between the bookends that are the stuff of life. All the millions of little moments that make up each day, that fill up your buckets. The laughter… along with the tears. The serious, and the ridiculous. It’s like baking the perfect souffle. Everything needs a bit of moderation and balance.”

She paused again to cough, holding her hanky to her mouth, like she had been doing throughout this lengthy conversation. I was thrilled to have her spell these things out for me. I was still clueless when it came to love, so I was drinking it all up. 

I was just concerned about her winding herself or using up all of her strength. But of course, Elspeth had already checked with her mother, more than once, making sure she still felt she wanted to go on. It was as if she knew her time was close, and she wanted to leave us with her wisdom. She rallied all her strength as she continued. I felt relief when she said she wanted to finish her thoughts. She had no idea how much I needed these words.

“I'm sure you two are in love.” She pats Elle’s hand. “At least I know my daughter is.” “Mama.” Elspeth breaths out of embarrassment. “It’s fine.” Ailith smiles at me. “I’m positive Alister is too.” I grin, feeling the heat rising up my neck into my cheeks like I’ve been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Elle grins at me, reaching her hand out to take my free one.

“This is it! You two, here like this. You just know. When the time is right, ya just know!”

There’s a quietness as we all seem to relish that thought. We do love each other. We’ve spoken the words, but for me it’s been feeling almost unobtainable. I’ve never known it, so I wasn’t sure if my emotions were playing tricks on me. But they are true. My love is real. And I’m so thankful Elspeth feels them too.

“But take my words to heart.” My thoughts are reined in as I focus back on Ailith. “Remember it’s the everyday choices that determine how you’ll live your life. Will ya choose to be at peace, even when your whole world turns upside down? And the peace I’m talking bout doesn’t mean you can’t get mad… angry even. It doesn’t mean you can’t jump for joy or sing at the top of your lungs. You don’t have to be a Monk, walking round in silence. Go crazy! Live with gusto! Be happy with one another.” Her head nods in agreement with her words. “And --that's enough of me preaching.”

Her hands slip out from holding ours as she sinks back into her chair. We see how her countenance slipped away, and she was instantly worn out. Elspeth stands, immediately recognizing the signs. She goes to her mother and is about to scoop her up in her arms before I stand, telling her that I’d like the privilege of bringing her mother to bed.

Ailith’s eyes are closed, but she giggles like a little girl –blushing even. “Would you like that, Mama?” Elspeth asked. Ailith opens her eyes, puts her frail hand on my forearm, and opens her mouth one last time. “You’re a good man Alister.” That’s all I need from her before I scoop her up like she has no weight to her, and carry her to her bed.

“Thank you for having faith in me.” I whisper as I kiss her forehead. “Make me proud. Make sure my faith was put in the right place.” With those words, she smiles up at me, her eyes close, and, just like that, sleep pulls her away from us. I notice Elspeth shutter. She can feel it. I can too. Ailith’s time was coming to an end. It made me sad. I wished I had many more years with her. Yet, I was so grateful to have been granted this time.

Elle and I sat, snuggled into each other’s arms out on the swing. It was chilly tonight, and she had grabbed her big knit throw that we had wrapped around our shoulders, cocooning us in. Her head rested on my shoulder as we sat in silence. Her legs were tucked up under her and I gently pushed the swing, rocking her to sleep.

The weightiness of her upcoming future had to be taking its toll on her and I wanted to absorb as much of the pain and weariness as I could on this night, oh… who am I kidding? On every night. I wanted nothing more than to carry her to bed and crawl in next to her… To sleep –nothing more. Just to be able to feel her body pressed into mine as I spooned her and protected her from the sadness that was quickly moving in her direction. I’d do anything within my powers if I could hold off what was the inevitable.