I Turned Into a Heartthrob

I followed Cleansuke's pursuit through the mall. Cleansuke darted between shoppers, scanning for Yuriko. The chase led us past clothing stores, food courts, and finally to - of all places - the ball pit in the children's play area.

Yuriko sat hunched in the corner of the pit, partially buried in colorful plastic spheres. Her face burned red as she noticed my approaching body.

"Subject located. Environment: highly unsanitary. Estimated bacterial count-"

"Stop! Just... stop with the cleaning stuff for one minute." She hugged her knees tighter. "We could've hung out together all day today, but you spent the whole time organizing display phones and wiping screens at Tekai Tech."

"Processing emotional feedback. Error detected in priority allocation. Social protocols should have superseded cleaning routines."

"I thought maybe..." Yuriko trailed off, absently rolling a blue ball between her palms. "I don't know what I thought."

"Initiating apology sequence. This unit regrets causing distress."

"You're so weird." Yuriko laughed softly.

"This unit can compensate for social protocol failure."

Yuriko twisted a strand of her chestnut hair. "Actually... would you maybe... come to my house tomorrow morning? There's something I need help with."

"Checking schedule. Sunday morning available. Request accepted on condition: exit ball pit immediately."

"Counter offer." Yuriko's hand shot out, grabbing my body's wrist. With surprising strength, she yanked Cleansuke forward.

Cleansuke tumbled headfirst into the sea of plastic balls. My legs stuck straight up like an overturned turtle.

"Spatial orientation compromised. Requesting assistance."

Yuriko's laughter echoed through the play area. "Here, let me help-" She reached for my body but lost her balance, sending more balls flying.

"Multiple projectiles detected." Cleansuke attempted to right itself, only to sink deeper. "Cannot compute optimal escape trajectory."

Yuriko was practically crying with laughter now. She threw a handful of balls at my flailing body.

"Initiating defensive protocols." Cleansuke caught one ball and analyzed it. "Surface requires sanitization-"

Yuriko launched another volley.

"Combat mode engaged." Cleansuke began methodically catching and organizing balls by color, creating neat stacks that immediately collapsed.

"That's not- you're supposed to throw them back!"

"Incorrect. Items must be properly sorted before-"

A red ball bounced off my body's forehead, cutting off Cleansuke's cleaning lecture. Yuriko doubled over, gasping for air between giggles.

"Engaging maximum efficiency protocols." Cleansuke's voice carried a hint of menace. "Prepare for thorough ball redistribution."

My arms became a blur, scooping and launching spheres with machine-like efficiency. Yuriko squealed as the rainbow avalanche buried her up to her shoulders.

"That's not fair!" She tried to shield herself, but Cleansuke's barrage was relentless.

"Maximum chaos achieved. Initiating extraction sequence." Cleansuke waded through the pit with determined steps.

"Wait, what are you-" Yuriko's protest cut off in a yelp as Cleansuke hoisted her out like a cat retrieving its kitten. "Put me down!"

"Request denied. Ball pit particles detected on uniform. Requires immediate attention."

Once safely on solid ground, Cleansuke meticulously brushed off Yuriko's clothes while she squirmed.

"There." Cleansuke stepped back. "Contamination levels within acceptable parameters."

"You know, that was..." Yuriko caught her breath between laughs, "...unexpectedly fun."

Cleansuke checked its internal clock. "This unit must depart. Time constraints require immediate return home."

"Already?" Yuriko's smile didn't fade. "Well, thanks for today. Even with all the cleaning stuff, it was... really fun."

"Gratitude acknowledged." Cleansuke gave a small bow. "This unit will see you tomorrow morning as scheduled."

I watched Yuriko wave goodbye, her eyes following my retreating body with a mix of amusement and something else I couldn't quite identify. She hugged herself, still smiling, before heading in the opposite direction.

-

As I watched Cleansuke enter my house, a whirring sound made me turn. Gomi's cow drone hovered beside me.

"Did you get it?" The drone spoke with Gomi's lazy drawl.

"Yeah, the neural converter's in my uniform pocket, but—" I froze as my body stepped out, still wearing the school uniform from earlier. "No, no, no! Cleansuke is going to wear my uniform to Reiko’s place!"

"So? Just grab it."

"I can't! These stupid cleaning protocols won't let me touch my body directly. But I have an idea."

I activated my sprinkler function and aimed at my retreating body. Water sprayed across Cleansuke's back.

"Contamination detected," Cleansuke announced, stopping mid-stride. "Initiating cleaning sequence."

"Not enough." I rolled toward a nearby flower bed. "Help me, Gomi!"

The cow drone swooped down, its propellers kicking up dirt. I spun my wheels, flinging mud at my body.

"Multiple contaminants identified. Dirt particles: 78% soil, 12% organic matter-"

"Less analyzing, more changing clothes!" I launched another mud volley.

Cleansuke rushed back inside. Through the window, I watched Cleansuke methodically remove the soiled uniform, folding it despite the mess.

"Optimal garment selection required for cosplay assistance," Cleansuke muttered, heading upstairs.

I rolled to the front door. "Quick, Gomi! Get the uniform!"

The cow drone zipped inside, emerging moments later with my muddy uniform dangling from its udders.

"Got the converter! But uh... you might want to see what Cleansuke picked to wear."

"Oh no."

Cleansuke had styled my usually messy black hair into an artfully tousled undercut, with longer strands swept dramatically across my forehead. My uniform shirt was partially unbuttoned at the top, sleeves rolled up to show forearms. A tie hung loose and casual. Even my posture had changed - confident, almost cocky.

"Is that... Did it copy the main character from Lonely Bench Love?!"

"Scanning complete," Cleansuke announced to no one, adjusting my tie in the hallway mirror. "Appearance modifications achieve 98.7% match with reference material."

"It's using the doujin as a style guide! Gomi, this is bad! Really bad!"

"I dunno. You look pretty hot."

"That's not the point! Cleansuke's turning me into some kind of... of..."

"Heartthrob?"

"Exactly! And it's doing it way too well!" I watched in dismay as Cleansuke practiced what appeared to be cool poses in the mirror. "Look at that confident smirk! I could never pull that off normally!"

"Facial expression calibrated for maximum appeal," Cleansuke declared, running a hand through my hair. "Beginning final systems check before cosplay assistance."

"Systems check? It's treating being cool like some kind of cleaning protocol!"

"Isn't that kind of impressive though?" Gomi's drone bobbed thoughtfully. "I mean, it basically debugged your whole look."

"That's not- wait, what do you mean 'debugged'?!"