Don’t You Dare Analyze My Underwear

I rolled through GiriGiri's chrome-plated hallways, my sensors overwhelmed by the tech on display. Holographic light arrays shifted and morphed along the walls, creating perfect lighting conditions that followed each photographer. Quantum-powered cameras floated on gravity-defying gimbals, while AI assistants projected virtual makeup onto models in real-time.

"This place makes your house look low-tech, Gomi," I whispered through our neural link.

"Less talking, more cleaning," she responded as her cow drone deliberately dripped milk near a cluster of expensive equipment.

My protocols forced me to rush over and mop it up, giving me a perfect view of Cleansuke entering the main studio space. It moved through the crowd, drawing curious glances from the photographers.

"Did you see that walk?" One whispered. "So robotic, yet graceful."

"Those movements would be perfect for my avant-garde shoot," another called out.

Cleansuke stopped in the center of the room, head swiveling exactly 90 degrees each time to scan for Reiko. "Target not located. Implementing systematic search pattern."

It began moving in a perfect grid pattern through the studio, occasionally pausing to straighten crooked tripods or dust off lenses.

"Subject requires cleaning," Cleansuke announced, producing a microfiber cloth from nowhere and reaching for an expensive hovering camera.

"No, wait-" The owner started.

"Cleaning protocols must be followed," Cleansuke insisted, already polishing the lens with practiced efficiency.

"Actually... that's the cleanest my equipment's ever been."

More photographers started crowding around, holding out their tech for Cleansuke to clean. My body moved from person to person with assembly-line precision, leaving a trail of spotless equipment and bewildered photographers.

I caught a flash of movement by the dressing rooms. Reiko emerged wearing a shimmering UwU Urban Wear dress that seemed to ripple with embedded light particles. The quantum-threaded fabric shifted colors with her movements, creating an aurora effect that had every camera in the room adjusting their settings.

But before I could process more, Cleansuke's head snapped toward her. It strode through the crowd, one hand casually tucked in a pocket - just like the love interest from Lonely Bench Love.

"Yo, Reiko." Cleansuke's voice dropped an octave lower. "Looking radiant as always."

The photographers' jaws dropped. Several cameras started clicking frantically.

"T-Tanaka?" A blush crept across Reiko's cheeks.

"Miss me?" Cleansuke leaned against a light stand with calculated casualness, mimicking a pose straight from the doujin's cover.

"Oh my god, is this your secret lover, Reiko-chan?" One photographer squealed.

"What? No!"

"The chemistry is incredible!" Another called out. "Quick, get them both in frame!"

"Such natural tension!" A third photographer circled them like a shark. "Reiko-chan, why didn't you tell us about this mysterious partner?"

"We need to shoot them together!"

"This is perfect for the new UwU campaign!"

I watched in dismay as the crowd of photographers herded Cleansuke and Reiko together, cameras flashing. Reiko looked like she wanted to sink into the floor, while Cleansuke maintained that insufferable cool pose from the manga.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Reiko protested weakly.

Through my robot sensors, I watched as one of the photographers stumbled backward, knocking over a cup of bubble tea. The sweet liquid splashed across the pristine white floor.

Cleansuke's head snapped toward the spill with laser focus. "Contamination detected."

"Wait, Tanaka-" Reiko reached for my body's arm, but Cleansuke was already moving.

"Emergency cleaning protocols activated."

In a blur of motion, Cleansuke dove for the spill. The sudden movement caused Reiko, still holding onto Cleansuke's arm, to lose her balance. They tumbled together, Cleansuke somehow managing to both catch Reiko and wipe up the spill in one fluid motion.

They ended up with Reiko pressed against Cleansuke's chest, one of Cleansuke's hands supporting her back while the other clutched a cleaning cloth. Their faces were inches apart.

"Optimal position achieved for preventing fall damage," Cleansuke announced in that cool manga voice. "Also, floor is now 99.9% sanitized."

The studio erupted.

"Did you see that catch?"

"Like something straight out of a romance movie!"

"The way they're looking at each other!"

"Quick, get this angle before they move!"

Cameras clicked frantically as Reiko's face cycled through several shades of red. Her quantum-threaded dress flickered wildly with her emotions, creating a light show that had the photographers practically weeping with joy.

"PERFECT!" One photographer screamed. "The chemistry! The tension! The mysterious bad boy and the elegant model! This is going to break social media!"

Reiko finally squirmed free from Cleansuke's hold. Her quantum-threaded dress sparked with agitation as she straightened up.

"Everyone out!" She clapped her hands. "Show's over!"

The photographers groaned but shuffled away, still reviewing their shots with gleaming eyes.

"You." Reiko pointed at Cleansuke. "Just... wait in that corner. Don't move. Don't clean anything. Just stay put."

"Affirmative. Initiating standby mode." Cleansuke assumed the manga protagonist's signature wall-lean.

Reiko hurried into the changing room, the door clicking shut behind her. A second later, I noticed a silky piece of fabric on the floor - some kind of designer shawl that had slipped from her shoulders.

"Oh no," I muttered as Cleansuke's head snapped toward it.

"Lost article detected. Implementing return protocols."

"This is gonna be good," Gomi chuckled.

Cleansuke strode to the changing room door and pushed it open without hesitation. "Item retrieval in prog-"

A shriek pierced the air. Reiko stood in nothing but designer underwear, her quantum-threaded dress half-removed and sparking wildly.

"GET OUT!"

"Negative. Missing article must be returned to owner." Cleansuke held out the shawl. "Your clothing efficiency is currently at 32%. Would you like assistance optimizing your-"

"NO!" Reiko grabbed a nearby cushion for cover. Her face blazed redder than the emergency exit signs.

"Optimal coverage requires approximately 3.7 more cushions at your current position."

"Just get out!" Reiko clutched another cushion to her chest. Her quantum-threaded underwear pulsed with embarrassed energy, creating a disco-like light show.

"Analyzing light pattern anomalies. Your undergarments appear to be malfunctioning. Would you like me to-"

"Don't you dare analyze my underwear!" Reiko threw a designer boot at Cleansuke's head. Cleansuke caught it mid-air. "Just- just turn around so I can get dressed!"

"Affirmative. Rotating 180 degrees." Cleansuke spun around, still holding the boot. "Though I should note your current cushion coverage has dropped to 27% effectiveness."

"Stop calculating my coverage!"

Gomi's cow drone shoke with silent laughter. I wanted to crawl into a maintenance closet and never come out.

"Would you like me to hum a soothing melody while you dress? My database includes several cleaning jingles-"

The sound of another boot hitting my body's head echoed through the changing room.