Unexpected Oral Contact

Reiko emerged from the changing room in a casual outfit - designer sweats and an oversized hoodie.

"Never. Do that. Again." She jabbed a finger at Cleansuke.

"Noted. Adding 'Do not analyze undergarment malfunctions' to protocol database."

Reiko pinched the bridge of her nose. "That's not exactly- never mind. Let's just go."

She grabbed a large duffel bag from behind a clothing rack. My cleaning protocols itched to organize whatever chaos lurked inside.

"Query: Contents of bag require inspection?"

"You'll see soon enough. Come on."

I followed them through the city streets, ducking behind trash cans and pretending to clean whenever anyone looked my way. Gomi's cow drone hovered above, occasionally making soft moo sounds that drew confused stares from passersby.

We watched Reiko and Cleansuke enter Kuromiya Tower. Getting in would be tricky - the security was top-notch.

"I've got this!" Gomi pulled out what looked like a googly-eye on a stick. "My latest invention - the Retinal Replicator 3000!"

"That's just a plastic eye from the craft store."

"Shh! Watch and learn." She stuck the eye onto my robot face with double-sided tape. "Now spin really fast!"

"What? I'm not-"

Gomi pressed something on my back panel. My cleaning protocols activated and I started spinning like I was polishing a floor. The googly-eye whirled around, somehow fooling the scanner. The security panel flashed green.

"See? Physics!"

Still dizzy, I stumbled into the elevator after Cleansuke and Reiko. My wheels squeaked against the marble floor as I rolled behind a potted plant.

"Did you hear something?" Reiko asked.

"Negative. Auditory sensors detect only elevator mechanics and your elevated heart rate."

"My what?"

The elevator opened directly into her penthouse. I barely managed to slip through before the doors closed.

"Impressive living space requires thorough inspection," Cleansuke announced, already moving to straighten a crooked painting.

"No cleaning! We're here for cosplay, remember?"

"What specific assistance do your cosplay endeavors require?"

"This way." She dragged Cleansuke toward what looked like a closet door, but when she opened it, steep stairs led down into darkness. My cleaning protocols tingled at the thought of dust in hidden spaces.

"Watch your step," Reiko said, flicking on lights that revealed a massive underground room.

My robotic eye zoomed in on walls lined with detailed mecha costumes - not Dai-Bōku designs, but elaborate recreations from classic anime series. Work tables scattered with fabric and electronics filled the space. In one corner, holographic projectors displayed 3D costume patterns.

"I've... never shown anyone this before." Reiko twisted the hem of her hoodie. "It's kind of embarrassing."

"Analyzing collection." Cleansuke moved closer to examine a chest piece. "Materials sourced from Kuromiya Tech prototypes. Craftsmanship exceeds professional standards. No cause for embarrassment detected."

"You really think so?"

"Affirmative. Though storage system requires optimization." Cleansuke began rearranging helmets. "Recommend alphabetical ordering by series-"

"Don't touch those!" Reiko lunged forward. "They're organized by material type!"

"Illogical. Efficiency increased 47.3% through alphabetization."

Reiko waved off Cleansuke's attempts to reorganize.

"Don't worry about that. Look what I brought instead." Reiko unzipped the duffel bag, pulling out what looked like haute couture meets cyberpunk. A translucent jacket shimmered with embedded quantum threads that changed color with movement. A pair of boots featured holographic soles that created the illusion of walking on air. Most impressive was a bodysuit covered in microscopic LED panels that could display any pattern or texture.

"These are all from the latest UwU Urban Wear shoot," Reiko said, carefully laying each piece on a workbench. "They let models keep some items after campaigns. I've been saving these to incorporate into my Mecha-Baka cosplay for Yu-U-U Con next weekend."

"Accessing convention database. Yu-U-U Con: Premier anime convention featuring neural interface integration. Attendees receive temporary AR overlay allowing three-dimensional art viewing and enhanced panel experiences. Current attendance projections: 50,000 participants."

"Exactly! I'm working on General Sparkplug's outfit from episode 12, but with my own twist using these accessories I got. The quantum threading will let me recreate that iconic scene where her mecha's energy core overloads."

Reiko gestured to a half-finished chest piece on her workbench.

"Could you help me with the wiring? The quantum threading keeps shorting out the LED panels."

"Accessing engineering protocols." Cleansuke picked up a soldering iron. "Solution identified. Current configuration creates feedback loop between power sources."

My body's hands moved with surprising dexterity, rewiring complex circuits while explaining each step in that monotone voice. Reiko leaned in close.

"That's brilliant! I never thought to route the power through a secondary buffer." Reiko's eyes lit up as she slipped on the modified chest piece. The quantum threads shimmed in perfect sync with the LED display, creating a rippling energy effect.

"It works! It works! It works!" Reiko squealed. She launched herself at Cleansuke in an enthusiastic hug.

Cleansuke, clearly not expecting this deviation from normal interaction protocols, stumbled backward. "Warning: Balance compromised. Initiating stabilization sequence-"

Cleansuke toppled backward, taking Reiko with it. They crashed into a rack of partially assembled mecha parts, sending pieces flying everywhere. A helmet bounced off my robot chassis with a clang.

Through the chaos, Reiko's lips landed squarely on Cleansuke's. For one excruciating moment, neither moved. Then Reiko's face turned the same shade as her quantum-threaded costume.

"Out! Out! Out!" Reiko scrambled up, her face blazing red. She shoved my body toward the stairs with surprising strength, practically throwing Cleansuke out of the basement. The door slammed shut with a heavy thud.

"Query: What triggered emergency evacuation protocol?"

"That wasn't supposed to happen!"

"Clarification required. Multiple events occurred in previous 2.3 minutes. Please specify problematic incident."

"You- you took my first kiss!"

"Analyzing... No kiss detected in behavioral database. Physical contact occurred due to gravitational forces during fall. Recommend reviewing security footage to verify-"

"Just... just forget it happened!"

"Unable to delete memory files. However, can reclassify incident as 'accidental collision involving facial proximity. Alternative classifications include: 'unexpected oral contact,' 'gravity-induced lip synchronization,' or 'non-standard greeting procedure.'"

A strangled sound came from behind the door, somewhere between a groan and a laugh.

I almost felt bad for Reiko. Almost. But mostly I was mortified that my first kiss had been stolen by a cleaning robot inhabiting my body.