Intermission Pt. 1

For the rest of the day, my body couldn’t help but be paralyzed in fear. The painkillers have finally worn off and now I have to deal with a stupid arrangement that could mean death. No, it likely is death. It was late at night, the painkillers were still in effect, I was tired and I shouldn't have even been there. Why did I have to butt in like some sort of hero?! This was all too much. My heart began to sink into the ocean of blood in my body. The flames that covered my flesh on the surface, I wish they would come out and burn me this time. Evaporate my skin, organs, and fluids. Return me to nothingness. Send my soul to my mother and I’ll greet her in hell. I act as a hero but can’t even face the consequences without being scared out of my mind. I hate myself.

Needless to say, despite my best efforts, I wasn’t getting any rest. Most of my day was spent lying in bed, trying my best to fall asleep.

My right eye closed and I could see a vision. Far from Milona, and far from Ylvona, there was a surface not so barren. Green seaweed-like plants made up the majority of the plains. I believe they called it grass. They’d rustle in the wind and the skies would be blue. The further you went, the more there was to see. Eventually, the plains turned into roads. They were asphalt just like Clarine told me. People drove cars from the old world. The cars they showed us in school. The machines my friends and I thought were so ugly. What did they call those things on the side with the glass? Were they also called windows? The people driving on the surface would roll their windows down and the calm airy wind would breeze against their skin delicately.

Up to five people in a car making conversation. They would talk about many things. What’s for dinner? Did anyone do anything fun recently? How was school? Did you watch this movie or that show? What's been going on with this person lately? Have you heard this song before? What’s on the radio? The luckiest bunch of them must have been able to ask the most important question, though. Where are we going?

Kids would cheer and cry as they begged to be taken to the amusement park. Their parents would tell them to calm down as little did the kids know, that’s exactly where they were headed. It would be a wonderful surprise to arrive and see the looks of joy and astonishment on their cute faces. It may be one of the most proud moments a parent could have.

The park itself would host many attractions for adults and kids alike. Roller coasters ranged from child-friendly to having the most intense drops and speeds. This would be a place where not only the rides made you feel like everything was melting away, you would enter the park itself and for as long as you remained, any source of pain in life up to this point ceases to exist. You live for what’s in front of you and accept the joy the park brings to your heart. My amusement park would do that for the world.

I turned to the other side in bed and my left eye closed. Rocco, Clarine, Masir, Fence, and even my father were all with me on the surface. I saw the grass from before surrounding us. The skies were blue and everything seemed perfect. Everyone was dressed elegantly instead of in uniforms and they all seemed happy. Rocco and Clarine weren’t with each other romantically by any means but they seemed to enjoy each other’s company. Damian, my friend from home, was waiting on his own. He was leaning against a picnic table with a drink in his hand and raised it towards me. He was always telling me about the old world and all these intricate things he found interesting about it. It seemed like he would get to explore it for himself, now. Planes, cars, even the boring elevators that only traveled mere thousands of feet. My father was waiting for me at the center of the group in an outfit I’d never seen before. Perhaps this was suitable wear for the surface and somehow he still managed to look more elegant than anyone else in the vicinity. The way the wind made his hair dance along with his perfect smile, I couldn’t help but leap straight into his arms. Soon everyone around us started to join in. At first, it felt a little crowded. Their hugs were overbearing to a degree, but after a couple of seconds, everything began to melt away. I felt comfortable… It was only for a second but I could have sworn I saw a spark, I felt something on my body. As I managed to move my head in our hug, I realized my body was beginning to ignite. I tried pushing everyone off me but they were trying their hardest to embrace me with all the love in their hearts. I begged them to stop, but even to myself, my cries were silent. It was as if my mouth was moving without any noise coming out of it. The flames eventually reached my head and everyone’s grip slowly began to loosen. My father was the first to burn. He remained completely still and I apologized profusely but he smiled as if to tell me he held no ill will. The wind took his body as it evaporated into ashes. As for everyone else, they wailed and screamed in pain. Their flesh peeled and rotted in a matter of seconds as they ran about trying to smack the fire out as it consumed their beings. Just like it did my own. The grass began to catch fire as well and soon the surface was burning all the way through. The world I’ve known up to this point started to resurface its ugly head and when I looked into its eye in the sky to beg for mercy, the Sun decided to shine even brighter. Everyone was melting away… But someone didn’t. I didn’t see this person before and I don’t think they were a part of the hug we all shared but in a short distance, a woman stood still staring right at me. I moved closer to see who she was and that’s when she sprinted towards me. Fear overwhelmed my mind instantaneously. Not for what she would do to me, but what I would end up doing to her had she made contact with my existence. As she inched closer, I realized, this was my mother. Stay away, please don’t hurt me anymore. I can’t take any of this. It all hurts too much. Have you come to increase my threshold of pain so the universe can lavish on my suffering? My feet were held down by invisible weights that felt like cement bricks. She moved closer until she grabbed my right arm and pulled me in for a hug. My mother began to light on fire as well but unlike the others, including my father, she seemed to enjoy this feeling.

“I will always love you no matter how you see me. The world will always love you no matter how you see it. You will always have the chance to love yourself if you can allow it. Don’t be afraid of your flame, let it consume the world and all you love. Your only responsibility is to live gracefully, even if it means in spite of others…”

I woke up and my body jolted right up immediately. My breath felt heavy, my body was sweaty and my mouth was salivating uncontrollably. A large chunk of saliva went down the wrong part of my throat and I started to cough immensely. I quite literally rolled out of bed and almost hit my head on the nightstand in the process. In the mini-fridge, next to my coffee table were a couple of bottles of water. It didn’t take me long to go through three of them. Most of the water ran down my chin and neck but I couldn’t stop drinking. There was something in my body that needed to be put out.

“Shit, what the hell is wrong with me? I muttered under my breath.

It’s been forever since I’ve had a dream like this. I didn’t think it would happen again. Last time, my damn life was ruined. Perhaps this dream meant that death was next…