That’s Cheating, Isn’t It?

Cleansuke sat perfectly straight in a desk chair while Yuriko paced her room.

"The panel moderator always asks authors to recreate their favorite scene," Yuriko said, twisting her braid around her finger. "I've narrowed it down to two, but I can't decide."

"Analyzing decision parameters-"

"Wait! Let's sync into the Akashic Net. It'll be easier to show you. Just close your eyes and-"

"Initiating neural interface."

"Akashic Net login: Fukui," Yuriko commanded. "Load Dorm Room, Chapter 7 and Chapter 12 environments."

A soft blue glow emanated from their Gogo Brains as they synced into the AR space. From my position, I could only observe their physical bodies while their minds explored the virtual novel.

"This is the first scene," Yuriko's voice drifted out. "Where Yuzuha realizes she's fallen for Mai during their late-night study session."

"Analyzing character proximity. Distance between subjects: approximately 27.3 centimeters."

"See how Mai keeps finding excuses to lean closer? The way she pretends to need help with math even though she's top of the class?"

"Analyzing pattern recognition. Subject exhibits seventeen instances of unnecessary proximity in three minutes. Efficiency rating: negative forty-two percent."

"Exactly! It's totally inefficient, that's what makes it romantic! But I worry the build-up is too subtle."

"Suggestion: Subject could optimize romantic tension by adjusting study materials." Cleansuke reached into the AR space, rearranging Mai and Yuzuha's textbooks. "Shifting geometry textbook creates mandatory shoulder contact. Pencil placement ensures hand brushing at three-second intervals."

Yuriko's eyes widened. "That's... that's brilliant! The physical positioning creates natural moments of tension without feeling forced!"

"Additional suggestion: Temperature regulation malfunction would necessitate removal of outer uniform layer."

"Oh my god. You're like some kind of romance guru! Quick, what else?"

"Implementing ambient lighting reduction. Desk lamp positioning now creates optimal shadow patterns across subject's facial features. Adding minor air current to disturb loose hair strands."

Cleansuke proceeded to orchestrate the perfect romantic scene using cleaning protocols repurposed for maximum emotional impact. Yuriko looked like she might explode from excitement—until she suddenly shook her head, refocusing.

"Let's check the other scene. Akashic Net: Load Chapter 12, Cultural Festival."

The AR space shifted around their synced forms. Cleansuke's posture remained rigid while Yuriko bounced on her heels.

"This is where Mai confesses on the roof during the fireworks."

"Analyzing environment variables. Detecting suboptimal romantic conditions. Wind direction will disperse firework smoke between subjects. Recommendation: rotate positions 43 degrees clockwise."

"But then they won't see the fireworks as well-"

"Incorrect. Smoke dispersion pattern creates natural light diffusion. Sparkle reflection in subject's eyes increases by 27%."

"You may be onto something... What else?"

"School roof contains numerous maintenance hazards." Cleansuke began methodically pointing out spots. "Loose tiles here. Uneven surface there. Strategic placement forces subjects to maintain physical contact for safety."

"So Mai would need to hold Yuzuha to keep her from tripping! And the height fear gives a perfect excuse for hand-holding!"

"Additional recommendation: activate ventilation fans on west side. Creates predictable wind patterns to blow subject's hair at calculated intervals. Optimal dramatic effect achieved."

"Oh! What about the timing with the fireworks?"

"Analysis complete. Current firework sequence lacks efficiency. Reorganizing pattern: green sparklers at 0:00 mark. Red chrysanthemum burst at 0:47. Gold waterfall effect at 1:23, precisely when confession dialogue initiates."

"The color symbolism! The timing! It's perfect!"

"Warning: current roof railing violates safety codes by 2.3 centimeters. Recommend adding maintenance worker character to create additional tension through interruption probability."

"A love confession that could be interrupted any second!"

Yuriko clapped her hands to her cheeks, shaking her head.

"Focus, focus! Which scene speaks to you more? Which one should I use for the panel?"

"Processing query... Study scene cleaning efficiency rating: 89%. Roof scene maintenance protocols: 76% adherence to safety guidelines."

"No, no - which one resonates with your heart?"

"Searching database for heart resonance... Error: cardiac rhythm patterns not found in cleaning protocols."

"Okay, let me rephrase. If you had to clean one of these locations, which would be more satisfying?"

"Calculating satisfaction parameters... Roof location provides superior cleaning challenge. Multiple surface types. Variable weather conditions. High-risk safety scenarios requiring precise movement calibration."

"So... the roof confession scene?"

"Affirmative. Additional bonus: height allows for optimal cleaning solution dispersal patterns matching firework trajectory."

"You want to... clean during the confession?"

"Correct. Recommendation: replace maintenance worker with cleaning robot character. More efficient interruption probability calculations."

Yuriko stared at Cleansuke before bursting into giggles. "A cleaning robot interrupting the most romantic moment? That's... that's actually kind of brilliant! The contrast between mechanical efficiency and raw emotion!"

"Suggestion: robot could optimize confession success rate through strategic floor polishing."

"How would floor polishing help a confession?"

"Slipping hazard forces characters into catching position. Romance achievement unlocked through cleaning protocols."

"That's brilliant! Let me write all this down before I forget." She yanked herself out of the Akashic Net connection, scrambling for her notebook.

Cleansuke blinked back to reality soon after. Yuriko's pencil flew across the pages, her handwriting growing increasingly messy with excitement.

"The cleaning robot could polish the floor in a heart shape! No, wait - a spiral pattern that leads them together!" She scribbled faster. "And then when Mai slips-"

Her pencil stopped mid-stroke. She looked up at my body with narrowed eyes.

"Wait a minute. Where did you learn all these romantic techniques? Is this from dating Nezumi? Have you two... kissed?"

"Negative. No kiss protocols initiated with Nezumi-san."

"Oh." Yuriko's shoulders relaxed. Then tensed again. "Wait, the way you phrased that... have you kissed someone else?"

"Affirmative. Kiss protocols first activated with Reiko-san in underground workshop."

Yuriko's notebook hit the floor. "WHAT? You kissed Reiko Kuromiya? The Reiko Kuromiya?"

"Correct. Though kiss resulted from quantum thread malfunction rather than planned protocol execution."

"You accidentally kissed the heir to Kuromiya Tech?" Yuriko grabbed my body's shoulders. "Tell me everything! What kind of kiss was it?"

"Analyzing kiss parameters... Pressure rating: moderate. Lip moisture content: optimal. Position angle: 47 degrees off-center due to gravitational acceleration during maintenance fall."

"A falling kiss!" Yuriko scribbled frantically. "Was it soft? Passionate? Did time seem to stop?"

"Temporal mechanics remained constant. However, Subject Reiko's heart rate increased by 47%. Face temperature elevated by 2.8 degrees Celsius. Immediate ejection from premises followed."

"She kicked you out? That's such a tsundere reaction!"

"Correction: ejection velocity suggests more 'kuudere' than 'tsundere' behavioral pattern."

Yuriko froze again mid-scribble, her pencil hovering over the page.

"Wait." She set down her notebook. "You're dating Nezumi... but you kissed Reiko... and now you're here with me practicing romance scenes..."

My body tilted its head at a perfect 45-degree angle. "Correct. Multiple relationship protocols running simultaneously optimize data collection."

"That's..." Yuriko twisted her braid so tight I worried she'd pull it off. "That's cheating, isn't it?"

"Negative. Cleaning protocols indicate maximum efficiency achieved through parallel processing."

"But relationships aren't cleaning protocols!" She buried her face in her hands, peeking through her fingers. "Though... I guess if everyone knows about it..."

"Current relationship status: undefined. No exclusivity parameters established."

Yuriko's face turned the color of a perfectly polished fire truck. She mumbled something into her hands.

"Audio input unclear. Please repeat."

"I said..." She dropped her hands but couldn't meet my body's eyes. "If it's not exclusive... could I maybe... join too?"

"Processing request. Additional test subject would provide valuable romantic data. Particularly given author expertise in relationship dynamics."

"Test subject?"

"Affirmative. Current subjects: Nezumi-san specializing in mecha design efficiency. Reiko-san providing high-end maintenance challenges. Author-san could contribute narrative optimization protocols."

Yuriko grabbed her pillow and screamed into it. When she emerged, her face was even redder. "I meant like... actual dating..."

"Calculating compatibility metrics... Author-san demonstrates optimal story structure. However, cleaning habits require significant optimization. Recommendation: begin with basic tidying protocols before advancing to romance subroutines."

Did Yuriko just get rejected because her room is messy?