Self-Aware Cardboard

Through the holes in Gomi's cardboard box, I watched the metro's quantum-glass windows shift between transparent and opaque, filtering the harsh morning sun. Holographic advertisements danced across the glass while gravity dampeners kept the train perfectly level despite its insane speed.

"I still can't believe we escaped those government mechas." I adjusted my position inside the box, its googly eyes wobbling above me. "You should've seen how many showed up after the first one went down."

Gomi slouched in her seat, chewing on a piece of grass. "How many?"

"Like twenty! All chrome and threatening to restrict our neural bandwidth. Azuki actually saved us. She activated some kind of smoke screen that confused their sensors."

"No way. The stalker helped?"

"Yeah. Then Cleansuke suggested we hide the mechas by disguising them as giant gacha machines."

"Did it work?"

"The government units spent twenty minutes trying to get collectible figures out of them."

Gomi nearly choked on her grass. "You're kidding."

"Nope. They kept inserting coins and getting error messages. One of them actually filed a complaint about false advertising."

The train decelerated smoothly into the station near the Inverted Domes. Through my box's eyeholes, I watched the massive upside-down glass hemispheres loom closer. Projected anime characters danced across their surfaces, advertising Yu-U-U Con.

"Why am I even here? You know I don't care about this otaku stuff."

"How else am I supposed to get into the con? A cleaning robot can't exactly buy tickets."

"You could've asked literally anyone else." Gomi hefted the box containing my robotic body off the train. "Like those three girlfriends you've been juggling."

"They're all mad at me right now, remember?"

"Oh right. The whole 'my robot girlfriend was actually dating everyone' thing. You know, most people just get caught cheating. You had to go and make cleaning protocols part of your pickup lines."

"That wasn't me! It was Cleansuke!"

"Same difference at this point." Gomi set me down on the platform. "Though I gotta admit, watching you waddle around in that box makes this outing worth it."

"I do not waddle."

"You totally do. Watch." Gomi tilted the box slightly. I scrambled to keep my balance, making the googly eyes bounce wildly.

"Stop that!"

"Aww, is the little cleaning bot getting motion sick? Need me to grab you a virtual barf bag?"

"I swear, Gomi, when I get my body back..."

"You'll what? Clean my room? Oh wait, Cleansuke already did that."

Sometimes I wondered why she was my best friend.

I peeked through the eyeholes of my cardboard disguise as we approached the entrance. My optical sensors went into overdrive trying to process all the incredible costumes.

"Oh my god, that's a perfect Mecha-Baka cosplay! Look at those quantum-threaded wings!"

"It's just some sparkly fabric," Gomi drawled, dragging my box along.

"No no, see how they catch the light? That's definitely quantum material. And those boots! The anti-grav lifts are actually..." I stopped myself as my cleaning protocols tried to activate at the sight of scuffed leather. "Must. Not. Polish. Stranger's. Shoes."

"You're such a nerd. Both about anime and cleaning now."

A group of cosplayers dressed as characters from Nigiri Strike Omega walked past. "That's the uniform from Season 3! They even got the collar folds right!"

Gomi kicked my box. "Stop vibrating. It's making the googly eyes do weird things."

"Worth it! Oh! OH! Is that a..." My voice modulation glitched for a moment. "A FIRST EDITION THUNDER STRIKE FIGURE?! I need to get closer..."

"No way." Gomi grabbed my box as I tried to waddle toward the figure. "We're here to spy on Cleansuke, remember? Not for you to geek out over anime cleaning supplies."

"But Gomiiii..."

"Don't make me spray you with water."

Gomi approached the security checkpoint. A bored-looking guard waved some kind of scanner over her Gogo Brain.

"Do the thing," I whispered from inside my box.

"Oh right." Gomi dug through her many pockets, pulling out what looked like a miniature cow udder. "This'll work."

"That's your solution? An udder?"

"The Moo-Neural 3000. Latest in dairy-based tech." She attached it to the side of my box. "Dad uses it to monitor the cows' brain patterns. I modified it to spoof Gogo Brain signals."

The guard raised an eyebrow at my googly-eyed box. "What's that supposed to be?"

"Latest in recycling tech. Self-aware cardboard." Gomi patted my box. "Very environmentally conscious."

The guard shrugged and waved the scanner. The udder device made a soft "moo" sound as it connected to the Akashic Net.

"Welcome to Yu-U-U Con," the guard droned.

The moment we stepped through the entrance, reality shifted. The convention center transformed into a sprawling cyber-fantasy landscape. Holographic cherry blossoms drifted through the air while anime characters the size of buildings danced across the skyline.

"Whoa." My optical sensors struggled to process it all.

"Look at your avatar."

I glanced down at my virtual form. Instead of a cardboard box, I now appeared as a chibi vacuum cleaner with kawaii eyes and tiny robot arms.

"Really? This is what your udder-tech turned me into?"

"Could be worse. At least you're not a dancing milk carton."

A group of virtual idol performers floated past, their songs mixing with the excited chatter of convention-goers. Their translucent forms flickered as real people walked through them.

"This is incredible! The rendering detail is..." My voice cut off as my cleaning protocols activated at the sight of virtual dust particles. My avatar started automatically vacuuming the AR cherry blossom petals on the floor.

"Oh my god, you're actually trying to clean virtual space."

I forced my cleaning protocols to deactivate, though my sensors still twitched at each falling petal. "I can't help it. It's built into my programming right now."

"Next you'll tell me you want to organize the virtual trash cans by size and color."

"That's... actually not a bad idea. The layout could use some optimization-" I caught myself. "Shut up! I'm trying to look at the map."

The convention's AR overlay displayed a sprawling network of virtual spaces floating above the physical convention center. Glowing paths connected different zones - gaming halls, artist galleries, panel rooms, and more exotic areas like "Maid Cafe Zero Gravity."

Gomi peered at my screen. "So who are we hunting down first? Your mecha girlfriend? The cosplay princess? The romance author? Or maybe that cleaning-obsessed stalker?"

"None of them." I adjusted my virtual vacuum settings to navigate through the AR landscape. "I need to visit an old friend first."

"Oh? Someone else you've been secretly dating?"

"Actually, if Cleansuke is following my old routines, there's only one place it'd be right now. Every year at Yu-U-U Con, I always visit the same booth first."

"Let me guess - the maid cafe?"

"Nope. You'll see."