For My Beloved Tanaka-Chan!

Cleansuke froze at the controls. It sat there, likely running relationship compatibility calculations instead of fighting back.

The U-za mecha pressed its advantage, pinning Team Hanamizu's mecha with its dakimakura arm while waving the giant ring. "What's your answer, my love?"

"I OBJECT!" Nezumi's voice blasted through our mecha's speakers, making several spectators jump.

"Did... did that just happen?" Doctor Octagonapus's tentacles curled in surprise.

The virtual crowd erupted in whispers. Two traffic cones huddled together, their orange surfaces flickering with excitement.

"Stay out of this, you shitty collector. This is between me and my beloved Tanaka-chan."

U-za's mecha slammed our unit harder into the arena floor. Photos of my face peeled off from the impact, floating down like creepy confetti.

"Your cleaning skills are wasted on this amateur team." The U-za mecha's chest cavity opened, revealing ranks of industrial-grade cleaning supplies.

Our mecha struggled, but the dakimakura arm had us in a death grip. U-za's free hand grabbed our mop attachment and bent it backwards.

"Stop this!" Nezumi shouted. "This isn't love. You're obsessed!"

"Obsessed?" U-za's mecha released a cloud of lavender-scented disinfectant. "I've studied every move, documented every sweep pattern. I know Tanaka's true passion!"

The dakimakura arm constricted tighter, crushing our mecha's armor plates. Warning lights flashed across the control panel as systems started failing.

"Looks like Team Hanamizu is in trouble!" Doctor Octagonapus announced. "Can they escape this stranglehold?"

U-za's mecha leaned in close, its photo-covered face inches from our viewport. "No one appreciates your cleaning genius like I do. These amateurs hold you back!"

Our mecha's joints creaked under the pressure. More systems flashed red. In the control room, I saw Cleansuke still sitting motionless while Nezumi gestured frantically at the screens.

U-za's mecha raise its free arm, transforming it into a massive power washer. The nozzle glowed with an ominous blue light.

"This is your last chance, Tanaka-chan. Ditch that collector trash and join a team worthy of your talents. Together, we could clean all of Puri Puri!"

In the control room, I saw my body's shoulders tense. Cleansuke's fingers hovered over the controls, head tilted in that mechanical way it did when processing data. My circuits went cold - was it actually considering Azuki's offer?

"No..." Nezumi's voice cracked. "You wouldn't..."

The power washer hummed louder, pressure building. "Think about it - industrial-grade equipment, unlimited cleaning supplies, a team that understands your true passion!"

Cleansuke's posture straightened, and I recognized that look - the same one it got when optimizing cleaning routes. It was actually calculating the efficiency benefits!

Without warning, the arena walls exploded inward. Through the debris cloud emerged a mecha that made both our units look like toys. Chrome plates shifted with liquid grace, holographic displays flickering across its surface. Quantum processors hummed visibly through transparent panels, and its movements left traces of reality-bending distortion.

The government seal of Puri Puri gleamed on its chest.

"What the hell?" Doctor Octagonapus's tentacles went rigid. "That's not on the match roster!"

U-za's mecha released us, spinning to face the new threat. Photos of my face went flying everywhere as its armor plates rattled.

The government mecha's visor flash with authority protocols.

"ATTENTION UNAUTHORIZED CITIZENS. THIS GATHERING CONSTITUTES ILLEGAL USE OF GOVERNMENT SPACE. CEASE ALL ACTIVITIES IMMEDIATELY."

The virtual crowd erupted in panic. Avatars started blinking out of existence left and right. Even the huddled traffic cones vanished with a frightened "meep!"

"Wait, I can explain!" Doctor Octagonapus's tentacles waved frantically before he too logged off in a puff of pixel smoke.

Discarded virtual snacks and drinks cluttered the arena floor as fleeing spectators dropped everything. Half-eaten digital hot dogs rolled past my wheels while holographic soda cups spilled endlessly, creating impossible puddles that defied virtual physics.

"MY PHOTOS!" Azuki wailed as her carefully curated collection of my face scattered across Tako-topia. U-za's mecha scrambled to catch them, slipping on spilled virtual beverages and face-planting into a pile of abandoned foam fingers.

The government mecha took a step forward. Reality warped around its foot, turning a section of the arena floor into what looked like scrambled television static.

"FAILURE TO COMPLY WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE NEURAL BANDWIDTH RESTRICTIONS."

Meanwhile, Cleansuke remained perfectly still in the control room. Cleansuke wasn't panicking at all - if anything, it looked like it was running calculations.

"Azuki-san, your cleaning protocols are impressive. Would you assist in removing this government intrusion?"

"Of course, my beloved!" U-za's mecha sprung up, dakimakura arm fluttering.

"What? No way!" Nezumi slammed her fist on the control panel. "We can't trust her!"

"Actually, U-za's industrial-grade equipment provides optimal efficiency for this situation. Their power washer could destabilize the quantum field-"

Nezumi grabbed my body's shoulders. "That psycho tried to crush us!"

"Hands off my Tanaka-chan!" Azuki screeched.

Our mecha and U-za's unit circled the government robot, but their movements were completely uncoordinated. U-za kept trying to position their mecha next to ours, while Nezumi deliberately steered us away.

"Distance between units is suboptimal. Please maintain formation spacing of 2.3 meters."

"Closer, my love!" U-za's mecha practically skipped toward us.

"Get away from us, you creep!" Nezumi yanked the controls, making our mecha stumble.

The government unit just stood there, probably trying to process what it was watching. Its visor flickered between red and blue, like it couldn't decide if this was a threat or just a bizarre cleaning robot romance drama.

"UNAUTHORIZED CITIZENS, YOUR BEHAVIOR PATTERNS ARE... CONFUSING."

"Nezumi-san, please allow Azuki-san's mecha to approach. Her sanitizer sprays would be 47% more effective at this range."

"Never!" Nezumi pulled harder on the controls. "I won't let that stalker anywhere near us!"

"My dedication isn't stalking!" U-za's mecha pirouetted, spreading more photos everywhere. "It's love!"

"Nezumi-san. Your collector instincts identified Azuki-san's obsession. Now we must trust those same instincts to coordinate our attack patterns."

Nezumi's fingers loosened on the controls. Her eyes darted between Cleansuke and U-za's photo-covered mecha. "But..."

"I calculate a 92.3% chance of success if we synchronize our cleaning protocols."

"Fine." Nezumi exhaled. "But if she tries anything weird-"

"Initiating synchronized attack pattern: Spring Cleaning Special."

U-za's mecha pirouetted toward us, its dakimakura arm transforming into an industrial pressure washer. Our unit spun in perfect harmony, deploying every cleaning attachment we had.

"UNAUTHORIZED CITIZENS, YOUR ACTIONS ARE-" The government mecha stumbled as we blasted it with coordinated streams of industrial-strength sanitizer.

"For my beloved Tanaka-chan!" U-za's mecha gracefully launched a barrage of cleaning supplies. Mops and brooms spiraled through the air like deadly javelins.

Our mecha slid underneath, using its floor buffer attachment like a breakdancing move to trip the government unit. It crashed down, reality glitching around the impact.

"Now, Azuki-san! Deploy the fabric softener!"

U-za's mecha opened its chest cavity, releasing a cloud of impossibly clean-smelling particles that made the government unit's quantum processors hiccup and stutter.

"ERROR... CLEAN-LINESS LEVELS... EXCEEDING RECOMMENDED PARAMETERS..."

The government mecha's visor flickered weakly as our combined cleaning assault overwhelmed its systems. Its chrome plating began to shine so brightly it hurt to look at.

"SYSTEM OVERLOAD... TOO... SPARKLY..."

With a final gleam of perfect cleanliness, the government unit crashed onto the ground.

"Victory achieved through optimal cleaning coordination. Thank you for your trust, Nezumi-san."

"That was amazing!" Azuki squealed. "We're meant to be together!"

"Please maintain professional distance of 2.3 meters," Cleansuke replied as U-za's mecha tried to hug us.