"The Centre Cannot Hold"

The Presidio in all its Gothic glory. Zipper, Sue, and Azuki, each armed with paintball-guns, found themselves on one of the upper floors. They slunk around, all sneaky-style, but truth be told, they were simply mesmerized by the architecture. Even up here, in just a hallway, the A-Polymer walls seemed to stretch on forever, colored black like obsidian, or the night sky, all straight lines culminating in looping arches. Light arriving through stained-glass windows made spirals on the dark wall, swirls and splotches of color like stardust…

They could hear Polymermen elsewhere, but didn’t run into any up here. And they could see why in a second; the hallway led them to an overlook of the main hall of the cathedral. It was massive, dwarfing even the Roman cathedral, with a rib-vault ceiling and pointed arches descending down into straight columns all the way to the distant floor. Polymermen mulled about in the hall, just as awed by the architecture. Now that they had actually made it inside the Presidio, they didn’t really know what to do, so they wandered around, awaiting Lawrence, their faces stunned at what they had done today, feelings of euphoria bordering on religious in the form of disbelieving smiles.

The Polymermen didn’t have to wait long. They raised their pie-guns and cheered as Lawrence’s entourage arrived in the hall. Lawrence smiled for the crowds and Eye Implants, but his own eyes were narrowed the whole time. Nixon was with him, as was Grace and her followers. Grace paused, then looked upwards.

Zipper eked and slipped behind a column, as did Azuki and Sue. Zipper braved a peek around the column; Grace had an impassive look on her face, then resumed following Lawrence and Nixon. The nefarious trio reached the back of the hall, where Polymermen had been trying to get through massive blast doors in vain. A security system on the wall scanned Lawrence’s eyes; a moment later, he, Nixon, and Grace descended down a long set of stairs to the pie depot and A-Polymer facilities beneath the Presidio.

Azuki tapped Zipper on the shoulder and pointed. Joe was down there, mop-top all messed up, pie covering his dirty suit, tied to a column.

“Let's go,” Zipper whispered, Azuki nodding. They crept away from the overlook, ducking back into another hallway, looking for stairs. Instead, they found Grace’s two followers waiting for them.

Kenny Franco cracked his knuckles. “Can’t have anyone disrupting the coming Paradise.”

Anon6 nodded. “Your quest ends here.”

It was three against two, but it was three scrawny women against Kenny’s fat strength and Anon6 who looked like a biter. Zipper glanced at Azuki, hoping she’d have some sort of secret Japanese kung fu technique, but it was Sue who stepped forward.

“You two go on ahead. This is my fight.”

Zipper guffawed. “Are you crazy? They’ll kill you!”

“You’d really think I’d die?”

“Yes! People die when they are killed!”

“I don’t think so,” said a new voice.

Scottie stepped next to Sue, cracking his neck, rolling up his sleeves.

“Go!” Sue ordered. “We’ll handle them. It’s my dream to have a showdown like this.”

Sue glanced back at Zipper. “And for what it’s worth…I’m sorry for saying it was all your fault. I’m like a tsundere, dig, saying things because I don’t wanna admit the truth. This vision quest was the bees-knees. I’m glad you took me on it. You’re the best friend a person can ask for.”

A tense Zipper reluctantly agreed. “Thanks, chum…look, I still don’t know who Scottie is, or why he’s here, but it makes as much sense as anything else by this point, so…give 'em hell, my friends. Just be careful.”

Zipper and Azuki raced on. Kenny lunged for them, but Sue teleported in front of him. “Chotto…I’m your opponent.”

“Tch.” Kenny frowned. “She’s fast.”

Zipper and Azuki left them to their fight and dashed onwards, deeper down the hallway, eventually finding a staircase. They slipped downwards, careful, cautiously, the voices of Polymermen down below growing louder. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, they paused, a patrol of Polymermen roaming by. They could see Joe on the other side of the main hall. The majority of the Polymermen were streaming out the front door to reinforce the defense against the Do-Nothing frontal assault, but several squadrons still remained inside the hall.

Azuki bit her lip. “There’s too many. We’ll need a distraction.”

Zipper nodded, then tripped on her shoelaces. She smacked her face and accidentally shot the paintball-gun, the projectile flying across the great hall, hitting an unsuspecting Polymermen. He slumped over, the sudden shock tightening his finger around the trigger of his pie-machine-gun. Multiple Polymermen went down, and the errant pies struck several light fixtures, setting off fires that set off ceiling sprinklers, causing Polymermen to slip on the water and shoot off their own pie-guns, and the entire fortress buckled as a Martian drop-ship burst right in through the opposite wall, sailors spilling out, opening fire, led by Kajanas himself. In a nutshell, the Polymermen were now distracted.

“Good job, Zipper!”

“...thanks,” said Zipper, rubbing the bruises on her face.

They scrambled across the main hall, Azuki taking precise shots at any Polymermen they came across, Zipper kind of just yelling and shooting her gun along the way. Joe’s captor decided to screw all this noise and end things by pieing Joe once and for all, but Azuki was faster, delivering a righteous uppercut to the bottom of his jaw, sending him skidding away. The rest of the Polymermen were busy with the incoming Martians or Do-Nothings at the front doors.

A bruised Joe cracked a smile. “I always knew you secretly practiced karate.”

Azuki pulled him close, untied him, cried into his shoulder. Joe raised a weak hand and rubbed her hair. “It’s alright, dear. I’m safe. Thank you. And thank you too, Zipper.”

Azuki nodded gratefully. “I couldn’t have saved him without you.”

“I’m just glad you’re alright.” A month ago, Zipper would’ve been immensely jealous at the sight of Azuki and Joe, but now…the sight of a happy reunion was enough to make her happy, too.

The Polymermen were in retreat, the Martians fanning out across the hall. Zipper cocked her gun. She had one more loose end to tie up.

“I’m gonna find that superweapon,” she declared. “Grace is there, and as her…ehehe, kouhai…I wanna knock some sense into her. She inspired me, so now I gotta go inspire her, dig?”

Azuki helped Joe up. “I’ll go with you,” she said. “The superweapon must be the twenty-four pieces of formula Grace collected. It’ll only activate because she discovered the secret of my tattoo. I have a duty to stop her.”

Zipper shook her head. “Get Joe somewhere safe. Your first duty here is to your love, right-o? Go enjoy it. I’ll finish things.”

Azuki looked reluctant, but then nodded. “Thank you again, Zipper.”

Joe spoke up. “Careful out there. Mind the gap and what-not.”

“Thanks, Joe.”

“Are you still afraid of getting older?”

Zipper thought about all her friends, everybody who supported her, everybody she supported, all the adventures with true comrades she embarked upon these past few months.

“Not anymore. I’m right where I want to be.”