"Inherent Vice"

The Presidio shook when the Martians blasted open the locked entrance to the lower layers at the back of the great hall. They all poured forward, Kajanas and Billy in the front, down into the depths of the castle. Zipper followed them inside, paintball-gun cocked, trenchcoat dirtied with pie-stains and muck. At first, some of the sailors tried to stop her as an interloper, but Zipper pushed on, down a dark set of stairs, and soon enough they were all distracted anyway.

The stairway brought them to a large chamber, walls black glass, dim green lightning sending Zipper’s shadow blurring into the darkness. Pistons pounded and machines whirred in the background, unseen, mechanical, methodical. A PA crackled to life somewhere. Lawrence's voice thundered through the subterranean facility.

Kajanas! You’ve come to end things, haven’t you? Well, you better move fast, because I’m about to end you! Why do you stand in my way? You’d trust Congress to oversee humanity? A bunch of empty-headed elites with egos the size of Jupiter? No! Humanity needs a strong man at the front to achieve its destiny!

On each side of the chamber, lights turned on in the rooms beyond. This was the A-Polymer assembly-line, a line of cold-hearted industrial efficiency, the wonder-material constructed by unfeeling, uncaring robotic arms as it headed down the conveyor belt, off to feed an endless war machine and perpetual conquest. The engines picked up, the process sounding like marching jackboots…

The chamber opened up into dozens of hallways. Zipper decided upon one that descended deeper into the facility, and ended up in what must’ve been the living quarters, this area much brighter. Packs of sailors already here had stopped to loot, taking pictures from walls, rolling up rugs, purloining golden lamps. Nobody seemed concerned about the jackboot sounds no more, yet they only seemed to grow louder. The PA crackled again.

Conquering the galaxy is my dream! My life’s work! Humanity needs me. Just look around you! The future is slipping away to chaos. Youth without color, without souls! Humans losing their very nature - our innate desire for ambition and domination! Our decline as a species must be stopped! The status quo must be changed! The human population must be mobilized for its own good!

The continuing battle on the surface shook the subterranean facility, the lights flickering in and out. Zipper placed a hand on an A-Polymer wall to steady herself, fingers running across a big grate. Sailors rushed past her, back to the top, carrying their looted riches. One bumped into her, sending her sprawling across the ground.

Is this really human nature? Zipper wondered as she struggled to stand back up, all the exhaustion from the physical exertion settling in. Do-Nothings and Polymermen identify the same problems, but our solutions are totally different. And we fight over it just ‘cuz we think our solution is better. And in the end, nobody’s happy. Is that it? We stick two people in a room and they’ll end up killing each other just because that’s how humans are?

Zipper finally stood back up, breathing heavily. No, there’s more to life than that. Just think of all the kind people I've met along the way. I can't give in to pessimism. 

One final PA crackle.

You can't stop me! I'll never concede! I will lead mankind into a new world. First I'll restore Earth, and Earth will restore the universe! Humanity needs a Caesar, someone who can get things done, and the wheel of history cannot be stopped. That man is me - I'll be the Caesar of the Fourth Millennium!

The stale air down here whistled, and something rumbled in the distance. The sailors kept looting, even as Zipper’s uneasiness grew. The sound grew louder, something like rushing water, and then up ahead, down the hallway, sailors screamed as Lawrence activated the emergency defense system that flooded the entire underground facility. The dark tide appeared around the corner - a great wave of liquid A-Polymer.

Zipper more or less shit herself, but then she remembered - the grate on the wall! They say we unconsciously limit our strength to avoid hurting ourselves, but in times of great crisis, we can unlock our true strength. Facing getting swept away by the flood, Zipper found that inner strength, her scrawny arms pulling with all her might. Infused with a new wave of adrenaline, Zipper yanked the grate straight off, then crawled inside the duct right as the flood rushed down the hallway. The tide stopped rising just below the duct; the sailors and their screams disappeared into the distant darkness.

Unfortunately, Zipper had lost her paintball-gun in the scramble, but she felt like her biceps had biceps now, confidence soaring from succeeding at something physical for once, so she army-crawled down the duct without delay. The jackboots were loudest here, and she passed over several grates that revealed chambers with A-Polymer production lines sealed off from the flood, engines of destruction still whirring.

Zipper, you goddamn animal…maybe I'm not so out-of-shape after all. 

I'm coming for you, Lawrence. And I'll save you, Grace, from that growing darkness inside you...

(Don't tell Zipper this, but that grate was actually installed by a defective labor-bot that missed seven out of eight screws).

Spirits high, Zipper continued onwards.