Rest Notes Between Words

 So, she had a boyfriend, huh…

“Y-yeah, I’m sorry.” Lyra looked at me with an apologetic expression. She hesitated while speaking and avoided my gaze.

“N-no, it’s fine.” I stammered, caught off guard. What even happened just now at the end of the conversation?

After we said our goodbyes, I started walking toward the bus stop.

I didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t even think.

It made sense, though. I mean, of course, she had a boyfriend.

A girl that beautiful, that easygoing, and full of confidence—it would actually be weird if she didn’t have one. The fact that she was friendly enough to come up to me and offer help was more than enough.

It should’ve been enough.

But for some reason, deep inside, I felt like I had just been stabbed. It was as if someone had plunged a knife right into the center of my chest.

I knew it wasn’t love. It wasn’t a crush either. If it were, I would’ve felt something completely different—something much stronger.

 Back in middle school, I had experienced that feeling in the clearest way possible when I confessed to the girl I liked, spurred on by a friend, and, of course, got rejected.

For a while, I didn’t even want to go outside. I locked myself in my room, playing games to avoid the possibility of running into her.

But this was a much stranger feeling. There was no confession, no rejection. Just this inexplicable emotion burning inside me.

And soon, I realized that this feeling was gradually turning into anger.

If she has a boyfriend, why does she act so close with other guys?

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with how she behaves. She’s just being natural. But if she’s acting like this with me today, won’t she do the same with other guys tomorrow?

 And some guy who doesn’t know about her boyfriend might start getting hopeful and try to get closer to her. What happens when he finds out? He’ll be heartbroken. He’ll be hurt. Not mentioning it or being so friendly just doesn’t seem logical.

Still, how should I act around her now? Maybe she gave me her contact info because she saw me as a good person and a trustworthy friend.

I don’t know. I really don’t know…

I don’t know what to think in this situation or how to react.

I was happy to have met her. I enjoyed her cheerful attitude, and it was fun being around her. Even though it was only our second meeting and I knew almost nothing about her, it just felt like we had good chemistry.

But that also meant I needed to keep some distance. If I had a girlfriend, I probably wouldn’t get this close to other girls. I wouldn’t want to. I couldn’t...

Yet she does it so easily, and for some reason, that bothers me. Maybe she’s not even doing anything wrong, but it still bothers me. I wonder what her boyfriend thinks about all this.

This is exactly why I prefer to stay away from overly cheerful and kind girls. The more you get to know them, the more you learn about them, and every new thing you learn feels like a punch to the gut. And yet, you still don’t want to leave their side. Like some kind of masochist.

“Stop being ridiculous. She was just being nice, that’s all. Do you have a problem with thinking every good person you meet is special?” I muttered to myself.

I hate myself for feeling like this. Why am I so affected by a single word from someone I barely know? Are my thoughts really this easily influenced by others? I’m angry at myself. I should treat myself better.

Lost in thought, I eventually reached the bus stop. And then, I realized there was only one thing I could do in situations like this.

“Hello, Ray?”

“What’s up?”

“I’m coming over.”

“Huh? Uh, okay...?”

6 - 2

I got off the train and stood in front of Ray’s house. I knocked on the door.

“Coming!” His voice echoed from inside. Soon, he opened the door.

“Yo. What’s up? Why the sudden visit?” Ray asked, looking confused. He was wearing a burgundy pajama set—striped bottoms and a matching top. His hair was a mess.

“I got your birthday present.” I shoved the gift bag into his hands.

“Huh? Why’d you bring it today?” He glanced at me, then at the bag.

“I was already out, so I figured I’d just bring it over.” That wasn’t the real reason I came.

“Oh… okay. Come in.” He looked at my face carefully before turning around and placing the bag on the table.

“Also, since you’ll be out with your family tomorrow, I figured I’d give it to you now.” I called out after him.

“You know my family would love to have you join us, right?” His voice came from the other room.

“I know, but I don’t want to trouble them.”

“You wouldn’t be trouble, and you know it, dude…” He came back to the room.

We moved to the living room.

“Come on, open it.” I said with a smile. In truth, my goal was something entirely different. I still couldn’t shake off the weird mood I was in before coming here, and I needed something to snap me out of it.

“R-right now? Okay…” Ray hesitated for a moment before picking up the bag and opening it.

I watched his face closely as he unwrapped the present.

“No way… Is this…?”

At first, he looked shocked. Then, a huge grin spread across his face as he stared at the gift inside.

“Holy crap! This looks amazing!” He excitedly pulled out the guitar strap and examined it with shining eyes.

Ah, man… 

This was exactly why I came. Seeing my friend happy, watching him smile—this was what made me feel better.

“Thanks, Yuta!” He suddenly dropped the gift and gave me a huge hug.

“Hey, easy there!” I laughed, hugging him back. I had done it. I had managed to shake off my feelings—thanks to him.

I watched as Ray attached the strap to his guitar, passing the time together. Eventually, a brief silence fell between us.

“Hey, Yuta.”

“Yeah?”

“You looked upset when you got here. What happened?”

My best friend had read me like a book. I could brush it off and say nothing was wrong. But I knew he wouldn’t buy it.

“Actually… Lyra helped me pick your gift.” I said in a flat tone.

“L-Lyra? Who’s that?” He looked at me with a blank expression.

“Are you kidding me? The girl we met at the store the other day.” I stared at him in disbelief. How could he forget someone with such a unique name?

“Ohhh, that girl…” He paused for a moment, then turned back to me with wide eyes. “WAIT, YOU PICKED  IT WITH HER?!”  He practically yelled.

I briefly explained what had happened. I hesitated to tell him the last part. After all, I wasn’t someone who openly talked about emotions, and if I did, he would keep pressing for more details. But I still wanted to tell him. So, I did.

“Damn…” Ray muttered in surprise. Then, as he set the bag aside, he continued in a calm voice, “No one should act that way with others if they already have someone they love.”

Ray was truly someone who thought just like me. And strangely enough, he remained incredibly composed in these situations, especially when the person talking to him was upset.

“Well… yeah,” I admitted. He had practically voiced my exact thoughts.

“So, do we still want to see her?”

I turned to look at Ray. His eyes were cold.

“I mean… if I run into her, I’ll talk. But otherwise, probably not.” I wasn’t a masochist. I didn’t like to label people as good or bad, but even good people shouldn’t stay too close to me.

“Alright, then.” He suddenly grinned, as if nothing had happened. “Let’s go to the fireworks festival next Friday.”

That lifted my mood a little.

“A fireworks festival?” I asked curiously. We usually avoided crowded events.

“It’ll be a change of pace. And besides, next Friday isn’t just any day. It’s your birthday.” He smirked.

This guy…

 After thinking for a moment, it actually seemed like a good idea. Staying home alone was nice, but for some reason, I felt like doing something fun this time.

“Let’s do it,” I said.

“Woohoo!” Ray cheered, jumping around like an excited kid.

So what if Lyra was a kind and pretty girl? That was all she was.

At the end of the day, as long as you have people who truly want to be by your side, nothing else really matters.