I Went Viral

I snatched my ID card from Little Shit's mouth, wiping the drool off on my kaiju costume.

"You're lucky if this still scans," I muttered, shoving it into my pocket.

While I was at it, I pulled out my phone. The screen looked like a shattered mosaic - probably from when his parent decided to play earthquake simulator earlier.

"You've got to be kidding me." I pressed the power button and the cracked display flickered to life. 3:10 PM. Ten minutes late for my shift.

Crap crap crap. My manager was going to kill me. The thought of quitting crossed my mind. But rent wasn't going to pay itself, and Tokyo wasn't getting any cheaper.

"Come on," I groaned, breaking into an awkward run, with Little Shit scrambling after me. The kaiju costume squeaked with each step, the tail dragging behind like a broken rudder.

***

I dragged my feet toward KaiKool's back entrance, Little Shit still perched on my head. My hand froze on the door handle. What was I supposed to tell my manager? 'Sorry I'm late, a kaiju made me adopt its kid'?

Little Shit squeaked and pawed at my hair, mirroring my hesitation. I cracked the door open just enough to peek inside. The break room looked empty-

"OH MY GOD IT'S REAL!"

Yukina burst through the gap, nearly taking the door off its hinges. Her eyes locked onto Little Shit, who tilted his head at her.

"What's real?" I stepped back as she bounced around me.

Instead of answering, Yukina whipped out her phone and shoved it in my face. On the screen was an EggTok video showing those two boys I'd passed earlier on my way here.

"Yo, check this out. Some crazy chick just went into a containment zone!" The taller one gestured wildly. The camera wobbled, focusing on a distant figure - me, standing in front of the massive kaiju.

"Bruh, that kaiju is gonna cook that chick." His friend adjusted his baseball cap.

"Wait, hold up." Tall Guy squinted. "Are they... having a conversation?"

"Holy shit, dude, you might be right." The camera swung back to Baseball Cap's face. "Yo, get the EVP recorder! This is gonna make us go viral!"

There was rustling as they fumbled with something off-screen. Static then crackled through the speakers, then fragments of my conversation with the kaiju emerged:

"...deal..."

"...world's destruction..."

"...one year..."

Little Shit squeaked happily at hearing his parent's voice.

I snatched Yukina's phone, my thumb sliding across the screen. The video had 2.3 million views. The likes weren't far behind at 890K.

"Well fuck."

The comment section was a nightmare scrolling by faster than I could read:

--That costume is from KaiKool! I ate there last week!

--Minimum wage workers will literally take ANY side gig these days smh

--plot twist: she's actually the kaiju's ex wife demanding child support

--Why is no one talking about the fact that the world is going to end in a year?

I clicked off the video and handed Yukina's phone back to her, head throbbing.

"Isn't this amazing? You're trending!" Yukina bounced on her toes, her hair curls bouncing with her. "Like, #KaijuGirl is the top hashtag right now! You're basically famous-"

"What are you two doing back here?"

We spun around to find our manager glaring at us, arms crossed. Her eyes didn't even flick to Little Shit, who was now chewing on one of the fins on my costume's tail.

"No one's manning the front. Get out there now."

"But Manager, haven't you seen the video? Ryūka's gone viral! She's-"

"I don't care if she's Japan's Prime Minister. Tables need serving."

Yukina's shoulders slumped as she tucked her phone away. "Fine. But this conversation isn't over!" She pointed at me before shuffling toward the dining area.

The manager's stern expression didn't budge. "And Tatsuhara? You're on dish duty after close for being late."

I watched the manager's back disappear through the door before slumping against the wall. Little Shit chirped sympathetically from his perch on my head.

"Alright, buddy. Work time." I plucked him off and set him down on the break room chair. "Stay."

Little Shit tilted his head, one eye rolling up while the other focused somewhere past my left ear. I took a step toward the door.

He immediately hopped off the chair.

"No. Stay." I pointed firmly at the chair. He squeaked and waddled after me.

I picked him up again. "Listen, you can't follow me out there."

His tiny claws dug into my costume as I tried to put him down. When I finally pried him loose, he let out a pitiful whine.

"Fine." I yanked my hood up and held it open. "Get in."

Little Shit's eyes lit up and he scrambled onto my shoulder, burrowing into the hood. His tail stuck out awkwardly until he tucked it around himself like a scarf.

"Don't make a sound," I warned, heading for the dining area.

The moment I stepped through the door, a family of four walked in. I grabbed menus and led them to a table. Little Shit swayed with each step, his claws pricking my skin as he fought to stay balanced.

I plastered on my best customer service smile and forced myself to remember the mandatory welcome jingle.

"Welcome to KaiKool where kaiju rule! Our food's so good it makes kaiju drool! Stomp stomp chomp chomp, take a seat... uh..." I fumbled for the last line. "Something something sweet to eat!"

The parents exchanged concerned glances while their teenage son cringed so hard he nearly melted into his chair. Only their youngest, a girl around six, bounced excitedly in her seat.

"Mommy, Daddy! Look look!" She pointed at the TV mounted in the corner. "That girl! She's on TV!"

I turned to face the screen. The news channel logo flashed across the screen as footage of me facing the massive kaiju played on loop.

"...unprecedented communication between human and kaiju..." The anchor's voice carried through the dining area. "Government officials have confirmed the authenticity of this recording, which appears to reference an impending global catastrophe..."

The TV cut to a cleaned-up version of that EggTok audio. My own voice, somewhat clearer this time: "So either way, Earth gets destroyed? Some deal."

The kaiju's response rumbled through the speakers: "You misunderstand. This is not a negotiation. It is a courtesy."

Little Shit perked up again at his parent's voice, letting out an excited squeak. I quickly coughed to cover it up.

"Um." I shuffled backwards. "Today's special is our Gigan’s Claw Croissants. Comes with Godzillatte."

The family ordered two rounds of Mothra Melts and Gigan's Claw Croissants + Godzillatte combo, plus a Golza's Melon Head for their daughter. I scribbled it down, trying to ignore the whispers and phone cameras pointing my way.

"That's her, right? From the news."

"Do you think it's safe having her here?"

I kept my head down, now directing my focus onto balancing plates. For once, Little Shit was being suspiciously well-behaved. No squeaking, just quietly nestled in my hood. The calm before the storm, probably.

When the family's order was ready, I balanced the family's plates on my arms and made my way back to their table. The teenage son was still slumped in his chair, now scrolling through his phone. The little girl bounced in her seat as I approached.

"Here's your Godzillatte, Golza's Melon Head, and-"

A sudden weight shift. My hood felt lighter.

Thump.

Little Shit had tumbled out, landing face-first next to the kid's Golza's Melon Head - our signature dessert shaped like a kaiju head.

Little Shit righted himself, shook his head, and fixed his misaligned eyes on the bread. With a happy squeak, he waddled over and took a massive bite.

"A REAL KAIJU!" The little girl shrieked with delight, nearly knocking over the latte. "Can I pet it? Pwease pwease pwease?"

"No, wait-" I reached for the girl, but she was already leaning across the table, her tiny hand stretching toward Little Shit.

The moment her fingers brushed his rocky scales, Little Shit jerked back with a startled squeak. A business man at the next table yelped as his coffee cup erupted like a miniature volcano, spraying hot liquid across his newspaper.

"I'll get you a new coffee!" I called out but froze when I heard a gentle rumbling sound. Little Shit had settled down, pressing against the little girl's palm as she stroked his head. His eyes rolled in opposite directions with contentment.

"He's so warm!" She giggled.

I spent the rest of my shift running damage control - comping the businessman's meal, mopping up coffee, serving more customers. Meanwhile, Little Shit stayed by the family's table, letting the girl feed him bits of bread while her brother secretly snapped photos. Their parents relaxed too, ordering more drinks and desserts while their daughter played with her new scaly friend.

As closing time approached, the family gathered their things. The mother hung back as her husband led their kids toward the door. She pulled out her wallet and pressed a stack of bills into my hand.

"This is for you. My daughter hasn't smiled like that since the Daimen Incident." She squeezed my hand. "Thank you."

I stared at the stack of bills she'd given me. This was more than I made in a month.

Tokyo might not be so far out of reach after all.