JUST TOSS HIM

I dragged myself to the changing room after the last customer left. My bones ached from hours of wearing this bulky costume, and all I wanted was to peel it off and feel like a human again.

"Alright buddy, time for the suit to come off." I reached for the zipper at my neck.

Little Shit's claws dug into my scalp. A low growl rumbled from his throat.

"Come on, I can't wear this thing forever."

As soon as I started tugging at the zipper, Little Shit let out a screech that made my ears ring. His eyes spun wildly in different directions while tiny volcanoes erupted around my feet.

"Alright, alright! The suit stays on!" I quickly yanked the zipper back up, and just like that, the volcanoes vanished. Little Shit chirped happily and scampered back up to his usual spot on my head.

"Guess I'm sleeping in a kaiju costume tonight." I sighed and grabbed a sponge, heading toward the kitchen where dirty plates awaited. Of course, I had to work carefully, making sure not to disturb His Majesty's comfort.

~

I wiped the last plate and checked the time - 8:30 PM. The mountain of plates had finally been conquered, even if my back felt like it had aged thirty years in the process.

"Ready to go home?" I asked Little Shit, who had spent the past hour headbutting napkins to roll them up. Most looked like crumpled balls, but he seemed proud.

He chirped and hopped onto my shoulder as I grabbed my bag and headed for the exit. The night air felt good after being stuck in that muggy kitchen. As I locked up, a microphone suddenly thrust into my face.

"Ryūka Tatsuhara! KBCD News here. Can you tell us about your encounter with the S-grade kaiju?"

I stepped back, nearly dropping my keys. A reporter with slicked-back hair had materialized from behind a dumpster, cameraman in tow.

"I'm too tired for this shit. Go away." I turned and walked away.

"But Miss Tatsuhara, you're the only human to make contact with one of the two known S-grade kaijus! The public wants to know-"

"I just want to go home and shower. Please." I walked faster, Little Shit's claws digging into my shoulders.

The reporter matched my pace. "Is it true you've been entrusted with its child? What are its powers?"

Little Shit trembled against my back, his tiny growl vibrating through my spine. The reporter's shoes squeaked on the pavement as he hustled to keep up.

"Just one statement-"

A tiny volcanic vent opened under the reporter's feet, shooting a burst of steam that sent him stumbling backward into his cameraman. His expensive-looking shoes smoldered.

"My Playboys!" He hopped around, patting out the wisps of smoke.

I reached back to pat Little Shit's head. "You know what? You can be pretty useful sometimes."

He preened at the praise, chest puffing out proudly as we left the news crew behind.

I continued down the familiar streets toward my apartment, Little Shit dozing on my head. After that reporter ambush, I just wanted to collapse into my futon and-

My bag hit the ground. Where the living room wall should have been was now just empty space, debris scattered across the street below. A massive door hung in mid-air next to the building, its edges crackling with that weird energy all Daimen had. The thing must have swung open like a wrecking ball, taking half our apartment with it.

And there, perched on the door's threshold like some grotesque gargoyle, was a kaiju. Fifteen stories of armored scales and spiny protrusions lined its back. Steam billowed from a cracked furnace embedded in its chest, dim orange light pulsing weakly inside like dying embers. Its massive head swung low, eyes glowing just as faint as its chest.

Oh shit. Gran Gran.

"Gran Gran!" I broke into a run. "GRAN GRAN!"

Little Shit jolted awake with a squeak, clinging to my hair as I sprinted toward the wreckage. If anything happened to her-

"YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST SHOW UP AND DESTROY PEOPLE'S HOMES? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE PAY IN RENT?"

I skidded to a stop. There was Gran Gran, standing on our partially collapsed balcony in her house slippers, jabbing her finger up at the Furnace Kaiju - yeah, that name would work - like it was a neighborhood kid who'd kicked a ball through our window.

"BREAKING DOWN WALLS LIKE SOME HOODLUM! YOU THINK INSURANCE COVERS KAIJU DAMAGE?"

I scanned the wreckage, looking for a way up to our second-floor apartment. The stairs had been ripped clean off, leaving just twisted metal and chunks of concrete where they used to be.

"Gran Gran! Are you okay up there?" I cupped my hands around my mouth, shouting over the hiss of the Furnace Kaiju's steam vents.

"RYŪKA! YOU'RE LATE! AND WHAT IN HEAVEN'S ARE YOU WEARING?" Gran Gran planted her hands on her hips, completely ignoring the kaiju looming over her.

"Nevermind that Gran Gran! The stairs are gone. How am I supposed to get up?"

"EXCUSES, EXCUSES! IN MY DAY WE CLIMBED MOUNTAINS BAREFOOT JUST TO GET TO SCHOOL. YOU YOUNG PEOPLE HAVE NO INITIATIVE."

The Furnace Kaiju shifted uncomfortably, its massive claws scraping against our building's remaining structure. Gran Gran spun around and smacked its leg with her house slipper.

"AND YOU! STOP DOING MORE DAMAGE!"

Meanwhile, Little Shit hopped off my head and waddled toward the Furnace Kaiju. He squeaked up at the massive kaiju.

The Furnace Kaiju's chest furnace sputtered and dimmed. A deep rumble echoed through the night air as it lowered its head closer to Little Shit.

Little Shit bounced on his feet, squeaking faster and more insistently. The Furnace Kaiju grumbled back, its eyes flickering like dying lightbulbs.

"WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE?" Gran Gran's voice cut through their exchange.

"No idea!"

Little Shit spun around to face me, then stood up on his hind legs. His arms stretched toward the Furnace Kaiju's chest, both unfocused eyes fixed on the cracked furnace.

"I think... I think he wants to get up there. Gran Gran, what should we do?"

"WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME IS THAT THING?" Gran Gran squinted down at Little Shit.

"He's the child of that S-grade kaiju. You know, from the news?"

"OH!" Gran Gran's eyes lit up with recognition. "SO THIS IS THE REASON THE WORLD'S GOING TO END? I EXPECTED SOMETHING MORE IMPRESSIVE THAN THIS CROSS-EYED POTATO!"

Little Shit deflated, his tiny shoulders slumping.

"Look what you did, Gran Gran. You hurt his feelings."

"PAH! WHAT KIND OF KAIJU IS HE IF HE CAN'T EVEN TAKE A LITTLE CRITICISM?" She waved her slipper at Little Shit.

The Furnace Kaiju rumbled, steam jetting from its vents. Little Shit perked up and resumed his enthusiastic pointing at the beast's chest.

"Gran Gran, seriously - what should I do?"

"JUST TOSS HIM IN!"

"Toss him? Into that thing's chest?" I stared at the cracked furnace.

Little Shit bounced impatiently, eyes still pointing at the furnace.

"WHAT'S THERE TO BE WORRIED ABOUT?" Gran Gran had a point. Little Shit seemed ready to launch himself up there if I didn't help.

"Fine." I scooped up Little Shit. "Ready?"

He headbutted my palm in response.

"Here goes nothing." I wound up like a baseball pitcher and launched Little Shit straight at the furnace.

The Furnace Kaiju's chest cavity opened like a massive iron gate. Little Shit disappeared inside with a metallic clang.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then the furnace roared to life, orange light spilling from every crack. Heat surged off the kaiju, making the air shimmer.

The Furnace Kaiju's eyes ignited like searchlights, head rearing back as spines glowed white-hot. A roar built in its throat - part dinosaur, part steam engine - before exploding into the night, followed by Little Shit jumping out from its chest. He landed on my head with a soft thump.

"OI!" Gran Gran smacked the kaiju's leg again. "PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP! YOU WANT THE NEIGHBORHOOD ASSOCIATION COMING AFTER US?"

The Furnace Kaiju ducked its head, its roar died down to an apologetic rumble. It then turned and took a step away from our building, its massive tail swinging dangerously close to the remaining walls.

"HEY! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" Gran Gran leaned over the broken balcony railing. "YOU STILL NEED TO PAY FOR THIS MESS!"

The kaiju paused mid-step, one foot hovering above the street. Steam hissed from its vents as it glanced back at us.

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK! YOU THINK WALLS GROW ON TREES?" Gran Gran brandished her slipper again.

I watched the kaiju's movements, noticing how its joints had been stiff and sluggish before Little Shit jumped into its chest. Now with the furnace blazing, it seemed to move more smoothly.

"Gran Gran, I think it was just cold. It's still pretty chilly for April."

"COLD? COLD?" Gran Gran's voice rose another octave. "YOU DESTROY SOMEONE'S HOME BECAUSE YOU'RE COLD? EVER HEARD OF A KOTATSU? A SPACE HEATER?"

But the Furnace Kaiju was already moving away, its steps growing fainter with each one. Steam billowed from its chest, glowing brightly before it faded into the darkness.