Sleepwalking

School ended, and summer arrived. But this summer wasn’t all that great for me, at least not at the start.

*

Eventually, I decided to keep playing badminton. Although the sport itself wasn't particularly fun for me, I enjoyed going nonetheless. But every time I came to play with everyone, something, or rather someone, was missing. Even though I met new people who hadn’t been there my first time, someone was always absent — Rui.

I asked Rita, the girl who had invited her last time, if she had her contact information, but other than the teasing look she gave me, I got nothing. As it turned out, she didn’t use any social media, and nobody knew her contact information. All I learned was that her full name was Rui Hisokani.

So, I waited and waited, hoping she would show up again, but she never did.

Once again, she didn’t show up. What am I hoping for, anyway? What do I gain if she shows up? Getting destroyed at badminton again?

I left badminton practice, and as I walked in silence, my thoughts drifted to Rui once again.

Why do I want her to show up? She’s cold, barely acknowledging anyone, always avoiding conversations. She comes off as stuck-up. When she beat me at badminton, even though she played like a beast, she claimed she held back? Yeah, right.

Even after thinking all that, something still didn’t make sense.

Yet, despite everything, I still want her to come back and play. Why? Why would I want that? I have no reason to want to see her. So why am I so drawn to her? What about her is so appealing? Something about her just feels... different, as if she's a magnet, drawing me in. It somehow feels right... I don’t even know anymore.

Lost in thought, I didn’t notice the bus arrive. When I snapped out of it, the bus was already gone, and I was left standing there, alone. Yet, I didn’t feel alone. I once again felt an indescribable sensation at the back of my head, like a sharp prick against my skull. But every time I turned around, the feeling vanished.

This is driving me crazy.

Ever since my concussion put me in the hospital, I've noticed this phenomenon from time to time. It didn’t always feel the same. Sometimes it was barely noticeable, not painful at all, but other times, it felt like nails being driven into my brain. But it always vanished the moment I turned to look for the cause.

Another thing was how often I felt this weird pain. Sometimes it happened only once a week, other times twice a day. It happened anywhere, anytime, without warning.

A second bus arrived soon after, and this time, I got on. The moment I stepped inside, an itch crawled up the back of my head. Instinctively, I started to turn around to shake the feeling, but I stopped myself.

What will happen if I don’t turn around? It doesn’t hurt that bad right now, so maybe I should test it out.

So, I ignored it. I knew that no matter how much I scratched or massaged my head, the pain wouldn’t fade, so I endured, refusing to turn around or acknowledge it.

But no matter how long I ignored it, it wouldn’t go away. In fact, after a minute or two, it got a lot worse. What started as itching soon turned to pounding, and then became a headache so bad I couldn’t take it anymore. I was about to give in and turn around, but before I could, the pain, the itching, everything, vanished instantly.

Ouch, yeah, never doing that again. What made me think it was a good idea?

The bus arrived at my stop, so I stood up, ready to get off, when my legs suddenly froze, causing me to trip and fall. Once I fell, I regained control of my legs again. I quickly stood up and left the bus, embarrassed, feeling the stares of the other passengers.

What was that? I lost all feeling in my legs all of a sudden. Did my legs give out while I was sitting down?

At first, I dismissed it as just being tired from playing badminton, but similar incidents began happening afterward, such as my legs giving out, my arm losing all strength and dropping whatever I was holding, or my entire body suddenly going numb for a split second. As if all that wasn’t enough, I began feeling tired constantly, unable to focus on anything, and wanting to sleep all the time.

When I visited a doctor, concerned I was seriously ill, he said that there was nothing wrong with me, and recommended a psychiatrist. But even the psychiatrist couldn’t help. By that point, I had to quit my job and stop playing badminton because it was happening way too frequently.

One Friday, David, Kotoba, Otto and Rita came to visit me after their badminton practice. Even though I was closest to the first three, since I spent much more time with them at school, Rita and Otto started dating shortly after I joined their badminton group, so we hung out with her a lot too.

The moment I opened the door, I saw their worried faces, and David immediately asked:

“Hey Jinko, how are you feeling? Is it getting any better?”

I told them about what’s been happening the week before and explained that it was the reason I hadn’t been going to badminton lately.

“I already told you, I mostly feel fine. It only happens sometimes, but other than that, everything’s normal.”

“If it only happens ‘sometimes’, you could have been coming to badminton.”

Everyone looked at me, concerned.

I’m really worried myself. I don’t need everyone else worrying about me too.

“Come on, guys, stop looking at me like that. It’s not like it’s a life-threatening disease. Every doctor said it’s probably just stress from work and school. But it’s summer now, so I expect everything to resolve itself soon enough."

I was lying of course. I really thought it could be an unknown, undiagnosed illness. I think they knew it too. But they still treated me normally after that. We just chatted and watched a movie, and then everybody left. As they were leaving, David stopped for a moment and turned to me.

“Jinko, I hope you know this but, if you ever need anything, just ask.”

Even though those words were empty, because we both knew that if something serious actually happened, David wouldn’t be able to help, I still appreciated him saying them.

“Thanks, I will, don’t worry.”

It was already late, and I was exhausted, so I just collapsed into bed and fell asleep.

*

When I woke up, I was somehow standing by the front door, gripping the handle.

Eh? Why am I here? What’s going on? Was I sleepwalking?

I tried to let go of the handle, but I couldn’t. My body refused to listen to me again.

But this time, it was different. Even though I wasn’t controlling my body, something else was. I was still in my pajamas, barefoot, unable to move on my own, but my unresponsive hand pulled the handle and opened the door.

Huh?! That wasn’t me! Why is my hand moving, when I’m not the one moving it?!

But it didn’t end there. When the door was opened, my legs started moving on their own, walking out of the apartment. I tried to open my mouth to scream for help, but I couldn’t. My lips wouldn’t move.

My body walked down the stairs automatically, exited the building, and walked out to the street, while I was just panicking and screaming inside my mind, unable to do anything.