I would have come find you

Sakuya stormed into her room, slamming the door behind her. She needed to find her phone. She needed to check on Jumo.

The time was a few minutes past 9:00, so he had to still be awake. He had to.

She checked her dresser.

Her bed.

Underneath her pillows, inside her wardrobe.

She couldn't find it.

She wanted to scream.

Then she checked the pockets of the kimono she was wearing.

She found it.

She wanted to scream louder.

...

Taking out her phone, she unlocked the screen and opened Discord.

Jumo was offline.

Her heart dropped.

She minimized the app and went straight to her phone's contacts.

She found his number.

Please be okay.

She called.

It rang.

Again.

And again.

No answer.

The tension in her chest tightened.

Did something happen already?

Was she too late?

She dialed the number a second time.

It rang.

Again.

And again.

And finally…

"Hello? Kuya?"

Spirits above, that beautiful voice.

"Hello, Kuya? Are you there?"

He was safe. Sakuya almost melted with joy. He sounded a bit tired, as if he had just woken up, but he was safe.

"Kuya? Hello?"

Oh, that was right. She was still on a call with him. She needed to answer.

"Juummo…"

Something was wrong. She had said his name, but it sounded off.

There was a tremor in her voice. Where did that come from?

Her hands were shaking.

Her body was shaking.

Ignoring it, she cleared her throat and tried again.

"Jumomo…"

There it was again. Worse. It was like she was trying to do one thing, but her body was doing something else. She was trying to stay composed, but the tremor in her voice was intensifying. Her entire body was vibrating, and tears were flowing down the sides of her face. Why was she crying?

"Jujumo," she said in between choked sobs as she fought back tears. Nope. She couldn't let anyone hear her cry.

She ended the call.

***

"Well, there was this one time I was talking to this other girl on a separate Discord server, right?" I said to Sakuya through the phone while I sat at the study corner of my bedroom in the middle of the night. I had switched on the study lamp and was mindlessly flipping through the pages of a magazine about the new school I would be attending in a few months. I wasn't actually reading it. My focus was primarily on the girl on the other end of the call.

...

Two hours prior, I had already been asleep when a call from Sakuya woke me up. She sounded distraught on the phone. Worried. Even crying at some point. I was so confused, unsure of what was going on. But before I could say anything, she ended the call and switched off her phone.

I couldn't sleep after that.

I kept calling.

And calling.

And calling.

Every time, it went straight to voicemail.

I got out of bed, switched on the lights, and began pacing back and forth while I kept trying to contact her.

I didn't know what else to do.

I couldn't just book a cab and drive out to her house to check on her. I didn't know where the temple was. I couldn't call any of her family members either—I barely knew any of them, and I didn't have their contacts. My only option was contacting Sakuya herself. And since she had her phone off, I swapped over to ten-minute intervals before trying her phone again.

Eventually, it connected.

...

"Mhm," Sakuya said, wanting me to continue the story about the girl I met on a separate server.

"Okay, so we messaged each other almost every day, right?"

"Mhm."

"No joke, for almost two weeks straight, there wasn't a single day she didn't send me a message, a meme, or something." I said. "We just kept talking about random stuff all the time."

"Mhm."

"We talked a lot, is what I'm saying. Basically 24/7."

"Mhm."

"But one day, things took an interesting turn."

"What happened?" Sakuya asked.

I stopped playing with the magazine pages as I remembered the moment vividly. I don't think I could forget it even if I wanted to.

"Well," I narrated to Sakuya over the phone, "one day, she wanted to know where I was from. I told her I was African, born and raised there. I didn't specify what country because I was trying to stay anonymous, but apparently, I didn't have to."

"The girl was so surprised and shocked, she actually had a hard time believing me." I chuckled as I continued the story. "She kept saying that the way I chat is a little different, and she constantly asked if I was joking or not."

Sakuya remained quiet, listening attentively.

"Eventually, however, after confirming to her that I was indeed who I said I was, the girl's behavior changed a little. Her messages to me became less frequent. She stopped sending me memes. And after a short while, she just stopped messaging me completely."

The memories came flooding back as I told the story. It was absolutely not a treasured memory. I'd heard about discrimination before, but it was always at a distance. I'd never experienced it firsthand. But that moment with the girl was my first time. I felt a multitude of emotions—amazed, angry, baffled, annoyed. I was all these things. But not happy.

"BITCH."

Sakuya’s sudden sharp comment pulled me out of my thoughts.

I coughed.

"What?" I asked, pretending I hadn't heard her. I really just wanted to hear her curse again.

"Oh, it was nothing. I just called her a bitch, that's all," Sakuya said. "Kanojo wa hontō ni saitei da ne. Sonna koto suru nante." "She is really awful for doing that to you. She was dumb. And stupid. And dumb. And not very smart."

"Alright, alright," I said into the phone, smiling. I switched off the lamp and got up from the study desk. With the phone still held to my ear, I walked over and switched off the bedroom lights. The important part was complete—getting Sakuya to calm down and relax after the panic attack she had experienced. I still wasn't sure what had happened. But maybe she might be willing to tell me now.

"There is a silver lining to the story, though," I told Sakuya as I settled back into my covers. I briefly wondered what it would be like sharing a bed with her. The thought got me excited. Too excited.

"How is there a silver lining to what you just told me?" Sakuya asked, her voice sounding annoyed.

"Well, if I hadn't had that experience, I would have never made the decision to temporarily quit Discord to focus on getting a scholarship abroad. I would have never needed to look for a Japanese tutor. I would have never met you."

Sakuya was quiet for a little while.

Then she replied.

"I would have come to find you myself."

I laughed.

***

Jumo laughed.

It was perfect.

It made Sakuya feel warm inside.

For a moment, she had completely forgotten about everything—the spirits, her duties, the stress of it all. She was still concerned for Jumo. That shadowy spirit she had seen on her way back to the temple—it had been rushing somewhere. But where? And why?

She wasn’t planning on telling Jumo it was the reason for her panic attack. That she had this sinking feeling it might have been coming after him, and something bad was about to happen.

She wasn't certain about that. But what she was certain about, was the fact that she didn't want to lose him.

Regardless, she was planning on telling him everything soon. Because if she ever wanted to truly be with him, like tonight, in his own bed…

Then she was going to have to let him into her world.

And let him choose if he wanted to stay.