If Anyone Understood Me… (Adella)

“The sincerity of this lonely little leaf…I wonder if you can see it.”

Midas had always been a strange boy. He was so cheerful and never showed any vulnerability, like he had an iron wall blocking off his emotions. There were only a few moments where he would actually let a thought or two out of his isolated mind. I would pay a lot of attention to him, so I got to witness many of those instances.

It looked so painful.

Midas would realize that the sincerity of that lonely little leaf could only be seen by him, so he’d drop it, letting it fall and die a death alone.

Even though there were so many others on the tree, I felt saddened. Why was it that this single, insignificant leaf caused me to feel that way?

It was hard to put it into words, but it was just so…sincere.

I could see it. My eyes welled up with tears as I looked at the boy who’d been left all alone as soon as he went quiet. So sincere…so lonely…why couldn’t anyone else understand?

Eventually, he would leave and catch up with his friends. But I stayed there and kept my eyes on that same place as if there was some remnant of him left standing there.

I wanted to reach out and cry, “Wait! Don’t go!” but I didn’t have the courage. All I could do was watch.

A year soon passed, and I still didn’t have the courage. All I could do was inch closer, step by step, day by day, as many more leaves cascaded down to a lonely end.

***

“Why don’t you tell him?” I asked.

My best friend, Katerina, was looking intently at a guy in our class who she was probably interested in. His name was Soren, and it seemed like he was friends with Midas as well. Everyone knew him to be extremely smart and studious, but besides that, there wasn’t much I could say about him.

“Tell him what?” she responded, her eyes turning over at me and widening.

“Come on, it’s obvious. You should tell him how you feel!”

Katerina put her hand over my mouth and said, “Shhh!”

“Sorry,” I muttered. “But Kat, I don’t think he would say no to you. You’re smart and pretty.”

“Really? You think so?”

“Yep! Go for it.”

She paused for a moment and thought it out.

“Well…I want to hear what he has to say first. Della, you’re close with Midas, right? Could you tell him to ask Soren how he feels about me?”

I was a little taken aback.

“Me…close with Midas? Is that how it seems?”

“Well, other than you, he seems isolated from the rest of the girls. You’re the only one that he talks with. That’s why I need your help, Della.”

She was right, but I hadn’t realized that it was so noticeable. A part of me felt a little happy about it. I was the only girl that Midas would talk with. To the others, it probably looked like we were friends, but in reality, all we would mainly do was have small talk. He was really funny sometimes, so it was nice, but I just wished there was some way to actually get closer to him.

“Kat, why don’t I just ask Soren directly? It’ll be easier that way.”

“If you do that, he’ll be able to figure it out! It’ll be obvious that I like him if my best friend goes to ask him a question like that.”

Midas was sitting at the other side of the class, and a few friends of his, including Soren, were talking and laughing with each other. I tried to imagine what it would be like to ask him. Then I averted my eyes back to Kat.

“Please…?” she pleaded, her hands clasped together. I hadn’t realized she liked Soren that much.

“I’ll do it. I can’t say no to my best friend.”

As soon as she heard my words, she grinned and gave me a hug.

“Thanks, Della!”

Her show of appreciation made it worth it. I just hoped that Soren would actually be open to the idea of dating her. It did worry me a bit that he was friends with Midas, since they tended to joke around a little too much. Still, I had hope for Kat.

***

I rarely ever saw Midas alone. It was like he kept himself surrounded by friends in order to make himself less approachable. The few times that he was alone were when I would typically go up to him and start talking. It happened in places like the hallways, the lunch lines, and the classroom before and after class.

This time, I saw him alone in the hallway. After you got to know him, and after you laid your eyes on him enough, he became easy to spot. His hair and eyes were so incredibly dark, like how snow was so incredibly white. Even though they were opposites in color, I wondered if you could still call both “pure,” simply because of how untouched and unfettered they appeared. Snow becomes impure as it darkens. I felt that Midas’s hair and eyes would be impure only if they lightened. In my eyes, that pure-black shade was the same as innocence—his innocence.

“Hello, Adella.”

Did I just zone out? That’s a little embarrassing.

I took a moment to compose myself.

“Midas, I have a really big favor to ask of you.”

“Really? What is it?”

“You’re friends with Soren, right?”

“I’d say so. What about him?”

“Kat sort of has a crush on him. She was wondering if you could ask him what he thinks about her.”

“Kat?”

There was no way someone could be so dense. Maybe he was just messing with me.

“Katerina! My friend!”

“Oh, her. Sure, I can do that. I don’t think it would be the best way of going about something like this, though.”

“What do you mean?”

I was preparing to either hear something really smart or really crazy come out of Midas’s mouth.

“Soren doesn’t show an interest in girls.”

Even though I tried to prepare myself, it still took me a few seconds to process what he’d just said.

“No way…he’s gay?!”

Midas snickered. “No, no. I mean that he never really talks about the opposite sex. The guy doesn’t put much thought into love or romance. Right now, it seems like his main focus is school. He is the top of the class, after all.”

I took a sigh of relief. I didn’t know how I would’ve broken the news to Kat if he actually didn’t like girls. But what Midas said made a lot of sense. Soren would constantly score the highest in our entire grade, which meant that studying was definitely where he directed most of his attention.

“He’s kind of like you. You don’t put any thought into love or romance either, Midas.”

“What? I don’t?” He looked shocked. “You’re wrong, Adella. I’m a hopeless romantic. It’s just that I’ve never really been in love before.”

I couldn’t tell if he was joking. I hated that I couldn’t.

“That’s impossible. Everyone gets a crush sooner or later.”

“A crush? Can people really fall in love that easily? I don’t believe it.”

“In my opinion, love is something that’s built over time. It just starts with small things like crushes.”

“Built over time? I disagree. It might seem that way at first, but the opposite is probably true. And at the very least, it’s easier to hate someone when your so-called love for them is unable to conceal their faults any longer.”

No matter what I asked him, his views were always so complex. He always had something to say. It was as if his mind had ventured off into every crack and crevice of thought, like it was water sinking into the deepest fissures of the land it flowed upon.

Even so…

“You’re talking like you’ve been in love before. You might be overthinking it.”

Midas smiled. “Maybe I am. That’s why I prefer to fantasize instead. It’s too bad, really. Those fantasies would be so nice if they came true. So…pleasurable.”

There was a pause.

“You’re really creepy. No wonder girls don’t like you.”

“That hurts, especially coming from you. I simply say what I think. To be honest, I’m sure you have a lot of fantasies as well. I know another hopeless romantic when I see one.”

I guess he was right about that. But I didn’t want to admit it. And besides, everyone has their fair share of fantasies. Reality just isn’t good enough for people like us.

Midas looked out of the window next to him, and it was like his mind had gone absent all of a sudden. Then he spoke.

“Your silence pretty much confirms it,” he said. “Reality just isn’t good enough for people like us, I suppose.”

Psychic! Esper! Creep!

This guy was just not normal. If I continued to talk to him about a topic like this, it felt like I’d either embarrass myself or say something that I’d later come to regret. It was time to change the subject.

“So about Soren and Kat…what should we do? You said asking him what he thinks about her wouldn’t get us anywhere.”

“Hmm, instead of being indirect like that, we should try to help them get acquainted with each other. It’ll probably be awkward if those two get forced into a situation where they’re alone together, so we have to be involved as well somehow.”

“Do you mean, like, a double date?”

“That’s one of the worst things we could do.”

“How? It’s literally what you were describing.”

“We would be skipping too many steps by doing a double date. Besides, those things just look stupid. What we need is a regular activity with the four of us. Like, say, a group study session.”

“Okay, know-it-all. Let’s do a group study session.”

I’d gotten a bit tired of him acting like he was an expert on romance. It was even worse now that I knew he’d never even been in love before.

“Great. Let’s meet in the library after class. I’ll be sure to ask—”

All of a sudden, someone walked up to him, saying, “Hey, Midas!”

It was Soren.

Midas looked over at him and facepalmed. “You need to learn some manners. I can’t believe you’d come up to me while I’m talking with a girl. You’re supposed to let me do my thing.”

What is he talking about?

“Oh, am I interrupting something?” Soren asked, making a confused expression.

“Not really, but still, take it as a lesson for the future.”

“Maybe I should write this down.”

“There’s no need. You’ll be able to remember it with your photographic memory.” Midas gestured towards me. “Speaking of memory, you probably know who she is, right?”

“That’s Adella Valebrook, I believe.”

I was surprised. Maybe he actually did have a photographic memory. “Wow. Spot on,” I said.

“Her and her friend Kat want to have a study session with us in the library today after class. They said they needed help from the top student in our grade,” Midas said, flattering him. “Will you be able to come?”

Soren thought for a moment. “I can come, sure, but who’s Kat?”

I’m not certain whether he did it to bring attention to her or make fun of me, but either way, Midas was so sly when it came to things like this. I really couldn’t tell what he took seriously and what he didn’t.

“He means Katerina Dragomir, the girl in our class. I call her Kat as a nickname,” I said.

“Ah, Katerina. I always thought her last name was super cool.”

“Really? She says it’s too manly. I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear that at least someone likes it.”

“Actually, I like it too!” Midas exclaimed, his hand raised. I responded with a look of hostility, to which he quickly backed off.

Soren chuckled. “Well, I’ll see you both after class,” he said, gesturing goodbye and walking away.

For some reason, Midas had a smug grin on his face. I thought it was pretty funny.

“What? Do you want me to praise you?” I asked.

“You can keep your cheap praise. It just feels good knowing that I contributed to the start of a beautiful relationship.”

“How can you be so confident that they’ll get together?”

“They will, and it’ll happen sooner than you think. Trust me.”

He didn’t really answer my question. I don’t know why, but a part of me actually felt like he was telling the truth. Like he could predict the future or something. Looking back, had he ever really been wrong about stuff like this?

With a few simple words, Midas was able to reassure people. That’s all it took. He put up an iron wall that anyone and everyone could lean on. For so long, I wanted to convince myself that I was just glamorizing him out to be the person I currently saw him as. But he just kept proving himself time and time again. And each time, it was as if nobody noticed except me.

Did he not want them to notice? That couldn’t be it. It would only make it even more painful. So why?

Why did he willingly continue to struggle?

My heart ached every time I asked myself that question. No matter how hard I tried to forget it, I still desperately wanted an answer. For Midas’s sake, and for mine. For an understanding between us.

The most I could do now was show him—I wanted to show him that I knew how genuine he could be.

So as he turned the other way, I spoke.

“Midas,” I said, “thank you.”

That was the most I could do.

Midas was silent for a moment, and then responded.

“I said you can keep your cheap praise.”

I’ll admit, it hurt a little bit. It was like I was being rejected, even though this wasn’t that type of situation. Maybe that was his way of showing that he didn’t want to be understood, at least not by me.

So cold… I thought.