To Have It All... (Soren)

Being invited to something like a group study session was rare, even for me. If other students needed help, the most they would usually do was go up to me and ask about whatever subject they were having problems with. In all honesty, the only reason I accepted the invite to this particular event was because Midas was the one asking me. He tended to be mischievous and lackadaisical, but he didn’t seem like the type of person who’d waste someone else’s time. And anyway, I sort of liked the friendship we were building. He made you feel like you could tell him your deepest, darkest secrets with no risk of them being revealed to others. I would never say such nice things about him to his face, though.

Class ended the way it always did. The four of us were already in the same room, but instead of walking down to the library together as a group, Midas came to me and told me that Adella and Katerina had something to take care of before joining us. So the two of us made our way to the library alone.

Places like these were where I found solace. If I was ever sad or annoyed, I would always go to a library. Shelves packed full of books mellow out the surrounding sound and allow for tranquility. There’s a mutual understanding between people in this environment that allows them to feel at ease around each other. Hostility simply doesn’t exist. Those places loaded with stories might just be the only ones on Earth where true peace can be attained.

I practically grew up around books, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. They were the only pastime that parents actually encouraged. My rebellious older sister gave in to the alluring activities that other kids would partake in, but unlike her, I didn’t care what I was missing out on as long as I had a book to read. She thought it was weird and bullied me for it, but that was okay since I enjoyed spending time with her as well, even if we never really had any common ground.

It only took them a minute or so, but I was so lost in thought that I hadn’t realized that the two girls had arrived.

“You both are finally here. It looks like we can get started now,” said Midas.

Adella sat across the table from him, and Katerina sat across from me.

“I haven’t been able to understand anything in math class lately. That’s where I need the most help,” said Adella.

“Don’t worry. Soren and I will make sure that you get back on track.”

Adella giggled. “I think I’d rather learn from Soren alone.”

She was so plainly making fun of Midas, embarrassing him in front of Katerina and I.

“Hey, my grades are pretty good, you know! You should be grateful that I’m here. Right, Soren?”

“Yeah, Midas is really smart,” I said. “If he actually tried, I’m sure he would be one of the best in our grade.”

“See? I’m not as dumb as you people think.”

I wasn’t lying. It never seemed like he put real effort into studying, so if he did, I imagine that he would’ve become an academic rival. Maybe I was lucky that he didn’t care so much about school. I liked how easy it was to keep the top spot in our class.

“Well, okay. I guess you can help me study,” said Adella.

Midas smirked. “If you want my help, you have to apologize first. You can’t expect me to eagerly help you after you said so many hurtful words to me.”

She gave him a cold look and said, “Not happening,” and then slid her textbook over towards me and pointed out a problem on it. “Soren, could you help me on this one? I don’t even know where to start.”

“Let’s see…” I glanced at the problem and then wrote down the first few steps to solving it. “This one’s tricky. You have to use substitution in order to get an equation that only has one variable in it. Once you do that, you can find its value and then use it in the second equation to solve for the other variable.”

She looked at my work and then took the textbook back. “Thanks. I think I get it now.”

“Professor Soren, why don’t you just get up and go over to their side? It’ll be easier to look over their shoulders instead of passing notes back and forth,” Midas commented as he leaned back in his chair.

I looked for approval from the girls in front of me. Katerina gave no response whatsoever. She had her head down and did nothing but stare at the notebook in front of her.

“That’s a good idea,” said Adella, breaking the silence.

“All right.” I got up and made my way over to their side. I glanced over the work they’d done so far. Adella had gotten started, but Katerina hadn’t done a single problem, nor had she even written anything down to begin with.

“Kat, get to work!” Midas ordered.

She quickly looked up at him and said, “S-Sorry, I was daydreaming.” She then began to work on the problems laid out in front of her.

It felt like Adella didn’t want me to see this, but she had given Midas an incredibly frightening stare after he’d yelled at Katerina. I was beginning to understand the dynamic between them.

I continued to oversee the two, and after a moment or so, I noticed that Katerina had made a mistake on the problem she was working on.

“You messed up here,” I said, pointing out her error.

“W-What? How?” she asked.

She seemed really nervous for some reason. Maybe I was scaring her.

“I have to go to the bathroom!” Midas suddenly exclaimed, quickly getting up and leaving.

“Yeah, me too!” said Adella, following his lead.

Katerina made an expression of shock, grief, and horror as they both exited the library. It was strange how they’d both left in unison, but her reaction was even stranger. I tried to ignore it.

“What’s with them?” I asked.

She spoke in a low voice. “I’m not sure.”

“It’s like they’re in love or something.” I sat down in the seat next to her, the one that Adella had been sitting in. “Anyway, let me explain how to solve this.”

As I spoke, she appeared to be listening attentively. Her eyes didn’t wander and she nodded when I asked if she understood what I was saying. But it also felt as if she wasn’t actually paying attention.

I abruptly stopped talking, put my pencil down, and directed my focus towards her. “Katerina, is there something wrong?”

She immediately averted her eyes. “No, I’m fine.”

“But you seem bothered by something. Is it me? Am I the problem?”

I decided to be direct. There was no harm in it.

“No! That’s not it…”

The way she was acting was so familiar. I didn’t think I had experienced anything like it before in real life, though. It was from something else entirely. I knew that this was the first time that I had seen an actual person act in such a way. For that reason, her behavior was kind of…fascinating.

Maybe I’m not making any sense. Be that as it may, I was still so intrigued.

“It’s like you’re a character from a novel,” I said, smiling.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s nothing. Try to solve this problem once more.”

She picked up her pencil and began to write. There it was again, that same silly mistake. I now knew for sure that she hadn’t been paying attention. Her mind had probably wandered off ever since she stepped foot into the room.

I might be dense, but even I know what this means.

“Katerina, be honest with me. What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

She was more stubborn than I thought.

“I see. You don’t have to push yourself, then. We can end things here if you want.”

“Huh? But we just started.”

“I’m not really in the mood for studying. I’d rather sit here and talk with you.”

My comment appeared to have made her a little excited. “You want to talk with me?”

“Yeah. We’re in the same class, but this is the first chance I’ve ever gotten to speak with you. It’s a little sad. I feel like we’d get along if we ever actually became friends.”

“I don’t know…I’m not a very interesting person.”

Did she want me to compliment her?

“That’s not true,” I said. “There’s something about you that makes me want to get to know you. I’m not sure what to call it.”

I wasn’t lying per se, but it definitely was an exaggeration. If she did actually have such a captivating trait, it would be how hard she tried to blend in and become unknown. It felt like she put so much effort into it that it ironically ended up making her noticeable, at least for me. Admittedly, I would focus on her a little more than others because of this.

Her eyes had lit up with my words. “I feel the same way about you. I want to get to know you too.”

That might as well be a confession of love.

I placed my hand over my chest. “My heart…I don’t know why, but it’s beating so fast. It’s making me a little nervous.”

“Mine is as well!” The girl was now making direct eye contact with me. She was getting bolder. “It’s beating so fast that I can barely sit still!”

I decided that it was time to stop beating around the bush.

“Katerina…do you like me?”

There was a long pause. She took a deep breath.

“…Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

I wanted a true confession, not something so indirect.

She gritted her teeth, and with a little more force than usual, exclaimed, “Fine! Yes! I like you!”

A simple “yes” or “no” would honestly have sufficed, but she exceeded my expectations and gave me a complete answer. It was hard to believe how much she seemed to adore me, and it was even harder to believe how easily I was able to get the truth out of her.

“I think I feel the same way.” I smiled. “Do you wanna start going out?”

“Huh? Really? This is all so sudden…”

“Do you not want to?”

“No, no! I’d love to!”

She looked so happy. It was even a bit contagious.

“Great!” I said, excitedly getting up from my seat.

“W-Where are you going?”

“Sorry, but I’m feeling short of breath because of how excited I am. I want to shake off this nervousness.”

I began to joyfully walk away. It felt like I’d just put on a show.

Those two must think I’m stupid.

As I made my way over to the library’s entrance, I stopped.

“Whoa, what are you guys doing here?”

Both Adella and Midas were standing outside of the room, and it was obvious that they had been peering in to see the conversation between Katerina and I.

“Well…we just wanted to see what would happen,” said Adella.

I grinned. “There’s no need to act innocent. You guys set this up, didn’t you?”

She looked over at Midas, and then back at me.

“Okay, we did. You should be thanking us, though. We helped you two get together.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m grateful.”

Adella looked surprised by my words of gratitude.

“So did you like her all along?” she asked.

“I did. But it’s kind of embarrassing that you both saw everything.”

“Adella,” Midas abruptly said, “what kind of friend are you? You should be by Kat’s side right now! You should be telling her how proud you are!”

Her nose wrinkled. “I hate to admit it, but you’re right.” She went into the room, leaving Midas and me alone in the hallway.

There was silence.

“Did you want to talk?” I asked.

“What do you see her as?”

“Huh?”

He chuckled. “A character from a novel, right? A romance novel?”

I didn’t understand why he was simply restating what I’d already said to Katerina. Yes, the way she acted quite literally resembled a character from a romance novel, and I’d played along with it.

I confusedly smirked. “Yeah, that’s how she was behaving.”

“Well, what are you gonna do now?”

“We’ll start going out. It’ll be fun.”

“Do you think you’ll fall in love?”

A brief pause ensued, and I cracked a grin.

“Nope.”

“You’re sick,” he said, beginning to walk away. “I’m going home now.”

Sometimes it was annoying how perceptive he could be. So perceptive that he might’ve noticed things in myself that I didn’t even know I had.

That’s right. You can probably tell that I didn’t truly like Katerina. But I didn’t think it really mattered. As I said before, she was really intriguing. That was close enough to love, right? As long as I had fun, there was nothing wrong with it. For me, it was a net positive.

The books I so loved to read had now come to life. You see, I wouldn’t have found “true fun” in something that simply got me away from my normal life of repetition. There was no need to do drugs, become a delinquent, or run away from home. That would only set me off the path to success. My fun lay in the manifestation of the thing that I felt the most passion for. It was something that was safe, but also enjoyable. It was what I found here today.

In a sense, we were living in our own little romance novel.