Countdown

The world is ending, and it isn’t because of war, climate change, or some lab accident, Nope. The world was ending because aliens had a sweet teeth!?, yes., and Earth was their sweet treat.

It started one year ago. Giant neon-purple alien ships rolled up in the sky like they were about to drop the sickest dubstep album. But instead of, laser beams and world domination speeches, they sent down one message:

“Give us your lollipops. Or else.”

Nobody took them seriously. Until they started sucking up entire candy factories with their UFOs. By the time the governments realized these freaky little shits weren’t playing, it was too late. Sugar production was obliterated. And the worst part? The aliens weren’t even mean about it. They just floated around, eating candy, nodding their weird gelatin heads, and saying things like, “Mmm, exquisite” before eating lollipops.

But now, Earth has one year left before sugar runs out completely. And when that happens? No more sugar = no more lollipops = aliens rage quitting the planet and blowing it up.

Which brings us to me.

I’m Dex. Just Dex. No last name, I’m too lazy to make one up. I’m depressed. Imagine a guy who has given up on life, That’s me. I used to be a college student. Now, I sleep in an abandoned Blockbuster and scream into a pillow at night.

And then there’s Billy.

Billy is my best friend. If an energy drink becomes a person, that’s Billy. He’s way too happy for someone living in a sugarless wasteland when our world about to end, and he talks like a surfer dude who watched too many motivational YouTube videos.

Right now, we are sitting inside an old gas station, eating the last remaining food we have found in a dumpster. They taste like sadness and regret.

“So, like, what’s the plan, bro?” Billy said, wiping his mouth with his hoodie sleeve.

Sigh~ “We die.”

Billy snapped his fingers. “Nah, dude! We gotta save the world! And find that sweet, sweet sugar replacement and keep the lollipops flowing, ya feel me?”

I blinked at him. “Billy. The world is literally a flaming pile of garbage.”

“Yup.”

“The aliens have eaten every piece of candy left on this planet.”

“Yup.”

“And the professor who claims he can save us is ..”

A voice boomed from behind the counter.

“PROFESSOR LICKER, BABY!”

We turned. And there he is. A 70-year-old man with wild Einstein hair, wearing a lab coat covered in caramel stains.

Professor Licker. The last lollipop scientist.

“You two morons are my new assistants,” he announce, slamming a briefcase on the counter. “We got 365 days to find a new sugar source, or these aliens are gonna blow us up” he smiled “but not in a good way.”

Billy gasped. “Dude, I love science quests!”

“Of course you do.” I said

Professor Licker opens the briefcase. Inside is a map.. one that lead to every possible sugar alternative on Earth. Coconut sugar. Maple syrup. Synthetic sweeteners. Even black market honey from the Canadian wilderness.

“Every week from now on we are going to go to a new place to test out a new sugar replacement.” He said

Billy nodded. “Yo, this is just like a video game!”

“This is just like a nightmare.” I said

Licker ignored me. “First stop, boys.. Louisiana. We’re gonna see if swamp sugar can do the trick.”

Billy fist-bumped the air. “LFG!”

I sighed.

The end of the world was coming.

And apparently, I was gonna spend my year babysitting a hyperactive dude and an old man named Licker, hunting for a sugar substitutes while aliens watching us from the sky.

God help me.