The First Page of a New Composition

This wasn’t the kind of news that should’ve been shared on a day like this.

Even though I was angry, I mostly felt sad. Throughout high school, I had stayed away from things like relationships. Back then, in their eyes, I had “pushed away” the only real chance I had. I never regretted it, but deep down, there was something that weighed on my conscience.

I must have hurt Emi. Back then, I had practically built a wall between us, not caring about her feelings, almost spitting out my words like venom. Maybe if I hadn’t acted that way, things would’ve turned out differently.

And Ray—despite everything—still leaving a door open for me felt strange. He didn’t have a girlfriend, so was he still expecting something from me? After all this time?

Who was I, really? I wasn’t particularly handsome, talented, or smart. I wasn’t hardworking. I wasn’t talkative or overly friendly either. What was it that people saw in someone as ordinary as me?

What was I supposed to do? Should I text her? But wouldn’t that make it seem like I had been waiting for this moment to make a move?

Maybe just a simple apology would be enough. A message apologizing for my behavior. But should I really send it?

I didn’t know.

I welcomed the new year with my family. It was just another ordinary anniversary, like every year. We usually sat together and watched the live programs celebrating the New Year. Honestly, things like that were a good distraction for me.

After the shows ended, and I helped my family clean up, I headed to my room to sleep. I had left my phone on my desk the whole evening. When I picked it up, I saw multiple unread messages.

Let’s see…

New Year’s greetings from the club group… replied.
Messages from relatives… replied.
A message in the group chat with Yasu and Ray… sent.

And yes, this year, I had messages from two new people.

One was from Aiko. “Let’s keep making music together this year too!” she had written. 

I smiled slightly. Knowing that things weren’t awkward between us was a relief. 

I replied.

The last message was… from Lyra.

For a moment, all my thoughts about Emi faded.

Her message was short but direct.

“Happy New Year.”

The fact that she remembered me and took the time to send a message was a thoughtful gesture. Just seeing it made me feel at ease.

“Happy New Year,” I replied.

Though, when she had texted me, it was just past midnight. But I was replying at nearly 1:30 AM. I should’ve kept my phone with me instead of leaving it on my desk.

Just then, a second message arrived. Lyra had seen my reply immediately.

“How are you?” she asked. 

“I’m good, you?”

“I’m good too. Since you replied late, I thought you had gone to sleep.”

“No, I was just sitting with my family. I left my phone on my desk and saw your message later. Sorry about that.”

“Oh, no worries. By the way, did you talk to your folks about tomorrow?”

Her message hit me like a freight train.

I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT OUR MEETUP!

My eyes widened in horror. 

How could I forget? 

What was I going to do now? 

I had said I would confirm but never actually did.

This was really bad. Really bad.

And to make things worse, she had already seen that I had read her message. I had to reply. My breath caught in my throat, my body went cold.

Though, now that I thought about it, I could always say something came up at the last minute and we couldn’t make it. Even though it would be a terrible day for Ray, Yasu, and me to be a trio while dealing with Lyra’s relationship drama, after what I learned at the mall, it somehow didn’t seem that bad.

But even if I said that, I had to phrase it properly. Just saying “Yes, we’re coming” would sound too dull.

“Yes, I talked to them. Sorry, I forgot to tell you. It was a bit of a rough day for me. The three of us are coming. Also, would it be a problem if one more person joined us?”

“It’s not a problem for me. But is everything okay? Are you alright?”

Lyra had picked up on the detail I had casually inserted into my message.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just found out something I shouldn’t have.”

The moment I sent the message, I regretted it.

“What the hell did I just do?” I muttered to myself. This wasn’t the time to open up about this, and I wasn’t even that close to her. Besides, this wasn’t something I could easily explain.

But it was too late to delete the message. She had already seen it.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

I take a deep breath. Maybe this is not a bad idea. But I can't tell her about this right now.

“Honestly, I just want to sleep right now. But maybe later.”

I wasn’t really in the mood to talk about it. Besides, we weren’t that close, and this wasn’t something I could just casually bring up.

“Alright then. You can tell me when we see each other tomorrow. By the way, where are we meeting?”

Tell her tomorrow? Had I just walked into a trap?

But the biggest problem hadn’t even crossed my mind yet.

Where were we going to meet?

Even trying to process this much information at once was painful.

“We usually meet at the temple in the city center. Does that work for you?” (We've never actually been there before.)

“Yeah, that works. We can organize the details tomorrow.”

“Alright, sounds good.”

“By the way, I won’t be coming alone. Is that okay?”

Her message hit me like a punch to the gut.

“I won’t be coming alone” meant she’d be bringing someone with her. Which meant… she’d be coming with her boyfriend.

Why was she meeting up with three other guys while her boyfriend was there? That made no sense.

“No, it’s fine,” I replied.

“Alright then. See you tomorrow, good night.”

“See you, good night.”

The conversation ended. I turned off my phone and placed it face-down on my stomach. Lying there, staring at the ceiling, I felt awful. So awful that I just wanted to lock myself inside, binge-watch shows, and play video games like I used to.

But the bullet had already left the chamber.

I had things to take care of now.

If I texted Ray and Yasu now, they wouldn’t see it.

Which meant there was only one thing to do.

I would call them until they picked up.

Somehow, I had to figure out tomorrow.

And honestly, I hadn’t even thought about what kind of day it was going to be or what we were going to do.

Great…