3.4) The Cost of Paradise

Abigail Kovacs was orphaned at the age of nine; that was when she had lost her childlike self. Before the murder of her parents, she was just a girl who spent most of her time playing with her family and dreaming about becoming a princess accompanied by her own knight in shining armor. But when her parents were killed, that innocence was replaced with a destructive need for retribution.

Abigail first met Victor Truman in fifth grade, and they did not get along very well. Anything Abigail said seemed to make Victor tear up pretty quickly, and she thought he was pathetic for it. It was absurd to think that he was crying about the most insignificant things while she had every reason to cry but didn’t.

Still, Abigail seemed to have a strange fondness for the boy. Despite his overwhelming, sensitive personality, it also felt that he was genuinely trying his best to care about everything. If it wasn’t for that, she would have dismissed him as a common weakling.

They met again in the same middle school. Though they were both loners for very different reasons, Victor was the type of person who hated being alone. As a result, he often ended up choosing to sit next to her in the classes they shared. Even then, it wouldn’t have been wrong to claim that she only tolerated him.

But in the second year of middle school, they ended up in the same history class.

Their teacher was the type of person to scoff at his students’ naive idealisms. One of the first things a clueless student asked the teacher was whether or not world peace was possible, and he laughed until the student felt horrible for even asking. It was unsurprising, then, that the teacher was judged to be cruel by most students.

Then, strange things began to happen. Victor would often engage in debates, both in and out of class time, challenging the teacher’s realism with his own ideals. It was clear to Abigail that the teacher was clearly better at both arguing and providing evidence. At some point, all the other students seemed to gossip about Victor behind their backs. And as time went by, Abigail began to feel uncomfortable with always be sitting next to the boy who seemed to “annoyingly argue against the facts for no reason.”

A few days before the spring semester ended, the teacher concluded class with a powerful and cynical assertion that Abigail still remembered to this day.

“If you told me that everyone in the world has entered paradise, I would tell you that you have miscounted the number of people in the world. Without a doubt, there is at least one person who must continually sacrifice themselves to allow paradise to be possible. And the cost of paradise must be the steepest of them all...”

“... No one who is sane would dare to pay that price for the sake of the world. And even if someone would, that kind of self-destructive selflessness cannot last. Therefore, paradise will never be reached, and the true state of the world remains mostly the same, no matter how advanced civilization becomes.”

As the teacher spoke, Abigail looked at Victor with a sigh, knowing that he would probably say something. But this time, it almost seemed that he would keep silent.

And when Abigail looked back at the teacher, she could see that even the teacher seemed to pause, looking at Victor with some silent expectation.

As if responding to their expectations, Victor finally spoke in a low whisper.

“But… wouldn’t it be nice if you were wrong? If someone really were to do that and make your life paradise? Wouldn’t you be happier?”

It was a statement unlike any he had made in the past. There was no argument, no evidence. It was just a genuine and naive question. It felt as if Victor no longer had anything to say except asking the teacher directly whether or not he truly wanted his cold logic to be correct.

Most of the students around them laughed. Abigail didn’t think it was supposed to be a joke, but she could see the humor in it, so she too scoffed and laughed. But when she put her eyes back on the teacher’s face, she realized that he wasn’t laughing–but he wasn’t mad, either. He looked tired–almost sad. And in an instant, all the humor left her body as the other students continued laughing.

“You’re right, son. I would be happier if someone were to relieve me of all my burdens.”

Then it became silent.

“Sure. I wouldn’t be here, if such a person existed. I wouldn’t be teaching you folks. I would be back home with my family, perhaps going camping or sunbathing on the beach. Perhaps I would spend the rest of my days reading good novels instead of grading your fellow students’ low-effort essays. But why? Why would anyone do that for me? Who on Earth would be so twisted to give themselves up for the sole purpose of making me happy?”

The bell rang, and class came to a close with that cynical statement no one could refute. It was unusually quiet as students left the classroom. Abigail stayed seated longer than the rest of them, still processing what had just transpired.

As Victor began packing up his notes, Abigail finally snapped out of her trance, also beginning to pack her things.

Then, the teacher spoke.

“Tell me, young man. Is that the kind of mentality you have? You believe that everyone deserves to be in paradise, and that you would burn your life for the sake of those impossible ideals of yours?”

And Victor looked up at the teacher. At that moment, he looked more confident than she had ever seen him be.

“Yes. Without a doubt.”

Then, Abigail saw something unusual: the “cruel” teacher’s face softened, and his expression was that of empathy, pity, and perhaps regret. That was when she knew that despite all the cold facts and logic, Victor had finally crumbled the teacher’s defenses.

Idealism had triumphed.