Why?

 A blade goes deep inside me, it keeps on plunging in as all my sorrow and sadness fade away.  Why does it not end. This suffering. Why am I so useless? Why does not on love me? Why am I not normal. Just once I want to feel like everyone else. Happy. I start to cry as tears flow down my cheek. They are crystal clear. Cold. Transparent. Evil. I weep more. Blood rushing towards every inch of my body. My cells trying to run away. I bleed more.But who cares? Who cares about me, my life, my future?  It's all a lie.   I promptly wipe my tears and I feel my temples get wetter.The blade keep on moving. Blood seeps out. It stings. But i'm addicted. The dopamine. The sadness that was engulfing me fades away. I love it. The danger. The suspense. The pain.All my emotions focus on the pain I feel, the blade keeps on moving down as more blood creeps out. This time gushing. I don't care. I want to stop doing this. I'm tired of crying.  I'm tired of trying.  God, I hate my body. I HATE IT! I want to kill people. I want those who hurt me to die. I want to kill.  I want to shoot. I want my suffering to be felt by all. I want to unleash the beast deep inside of me. 

Thump! I hear footsteps. Three footsteps. I'm bleeding too much. The floor is scarlet red. I calculate. I may not be the smartest but hopefully i can get it right There are 12 steps to get upstairs plus the 4 to my room that should be at least 10 minutes for me to clean everything up. 

3 minutes in. I go through my bag. Trying my best to find a wire. That I had stolen from design technology class.

5 minutes in. I yank a battery out of my camera and wrap the wire around it. Making both end touch one of the poles.

6 minutes in. The footsteps get faster. My time decreases to be 8 minutes. It starts too make sparking noises. I burn a piece of paper.

8 minutes in. My door opens. My sister walks in. She says,"Dumb fuck, get to school already," She suspects nothing.She walks out.

I smirk. There was no way she can find out. Why? I dropped my clothes on the blood. Where do the clothes go now? Easy as In my bag. Then to the dry cleaners. The wire? It burned my cut. How? The sparks from battery created a flame that I kept alive on a piece of paper. That closed my cut. I clean the blood upn with some tissues. No more blood. I drop my blades in the bin. It was beautiful looking at the sparkly blades engulfed with blood dropping into the bin. I stare at the time.  I grab my bag. I go downstairs.Ignoring everyone in my path. I head out of home.