A Silent World

Val's vision spun as her entire world came crashing down around her.

She was outside on the porch now—she'd barely managed to stumble out as to not wake Cael. She was hyperventilating. Every part of her felt fuzzy, and not in a good way. It was like millions of little needles were pricking her veins all at once.

Her body slumped on the bench, and she stared vacantly ahead. She couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face.

The world was quiet except for the sound of her own ragged breathing and the distant chirping of crickets in the night air.

She couldn't move, couldn't think.

It wasn't true. It couldn't be. 

It couldn't be.

She held up the pendant in front of her, begging, pleading, hoping, praying that she had somehow gotten it wrong. There was no way it was true. No way. 

But it was.

*flicker*

Her hand violently shoved the necklace away from her. She didn't want to see it anymore, didn't want to acknowledge it.

But that didn't change what she had seen. It didn't change what she knew about the necklace.

It was enchanted, linked directly to her mother's life force. It was a simple thing too, there was no intermediate state like this; it was either on, dimmed, or gone. Flickering wasn't a feature.

The only time a crystal flickered this much was if it was Suppression-affected. 

Her hand squeezed around the pendant, and her nails dug into her palm. All this time, had it been nothing more than a decorated light crystal?

Anger, despair, grief, sadness, confusion, rage, and every other emotion she could imagine flooded through her in an overwhelming torrent.

Finding out her grandparents weren't real was one thing, but this? This was an entirely different level. Her mother, her beloved mother, had deceived her for years with a sweet and comforting lie.

Every time she'd told her to wait, every assurance, every reminder to look at her pendant for hope—she had believed it all. 

But it wasn't real. None of it had been.

The world was slipping from her; the night air felt suffocating. 

Six years of her life had been spent in vain.

Six. Years.

What had it even been for in the first place? Was it to give Val some sort of false hope, an illusion that would drive her to live on? To keep her from giving up on the world, from giving up on herself?

She loved her mother, but to do this? She hated her now for making her believe that she could still be alive, that they'd still have a future together. She hated that she'd cradled her illusions of hope for so long. She hated and loved her.

"Perhaps she still is alive?" The gentle voice of her usual self cautiously offered. "Even if the pendant was a lie, that doesn’t guarantee that she’s dead."

She so desperately wanted that to be true, but she shook her head, wordlessly silencing that voice with a trembling hand as she descended into pitiful sobs.

She had to face reality. Her mother was dead—probably dead for years. The city had likely claimed her. To think otherwise without the pendant as proof was worse than blind optimism. It would be delusion.

Val's body shook as she hugged herself. It explained so much, but that clarity didn't comfort her. Instead, all she could think of was that her mother was never coming back. 

She would never get to hug her again or hear her voice again. She'd never get to recount all of the things that had happened to her since she was gone, nor would she ever be able to tell her how much she missed her.

She'd never see her again.

She felt her entire body shake as the sobs continued to pour out. She was scared and confused.

Why?

She curled up on the bench and wept into her sleeves. Everything had been so happy. For the past two months, her loneliness had been vanishing. Everything had been looking up for her. She had been having so much fun. It was like one of those fantasy stories that she had loved to read come to life.

Why couldn't it have lasted forever?

Her mind wandered to Cael, the lonely boy that had given her a reason to keep going forward and to smile.

"…"

She was a bad person. Even in her confusion and despair, her thoughts had drifted toward him. How pathetic—relying on the boy that she'd essentially kidnapped from his world.

She was selfish for agreeing to keep him here, and she was even more selfish for wanting him to stay. She had even thought of him in strange ways recently with those stupid books and had fantasized about a future where he was a part of her life.

She was terrible. She was awful.

She was—

"Val?"

She froze, and her head snapped up.

Cael was there now, his messy hair hung over his eyes from sleepiness.

She wanted to say something, but she couldn't speak. Her mouth was dry, and her throat felt tight.

Instead, she just stared at him, her vision still blurry.

"Are you okay?"

She felt his warm hand on her back as he sat next to her.

She flinched at the touch. She wanted him to go away, to leave her alone and not see her like this, but at the same time, she didn't. She wanted him to hold her close and comfort her, to rub her head and say that everything would be okay.

Even if it wouldn't.

She was horrible. Why couldn't she make up her mind? She didn't deserve him. He should've left. She should've never agreed to let him stay. Yet she wanted nothing more than to be with him.

"Val, look at me."

She did, and when she gazed into his eyes, she saw her own tear-soaked face reflected back at her. His gaze was soft and sympathetic.

"I… don't know why you're crying, but I'm sorry." He carefully shifted closer, and his hand moved up and down her back to comfort her.

Her eyes started watering again. He was so warm, so caring, so compassionate. And she was just a mess, a broken, confused girl who couldn't even handle the truth. 

Before she realized it, her arms wrapped around Cael and pulled him close. 

"Val?" He sounded confused by the sudden embrace, but he didn't push her away.

She buried her head into his shoulder, hiding her face. Cael was the only good thing left in this world for her. She didn't want to lose him.

"I don't know what to say," he mumbled, "but I'll stay here until you're feeling better. Is that okay?"

"…"

She wanted to apologize, to explain that she wasn't normally like this and that everything was fine, but her voice refused to answer. No words came out of her mouth. She could only nod against his shoulder.

"Alright." He rubbed her back and patted her head. His touch was gentle, and she felt herself melt under it. Her body was shaking less now, and she was starting to calm down.

They stayed like that for a long time. The silence was comforting, and she was grateful for it. Eventually, the shaking stopped, and her breathing slowed.

"Can we go back inside now?" Cael asked softly, as if trying not to disturb the stillness of the night. She could tell he was hesitant about asking.

"…" She didn't move and instead tightened her hug around him. She wanted to stay like this for just a little longer. Just a few minutes more. Just one minute more. She wanted to deny the reality that was waiting for her and to indulge in her selfish desires.

Her grip loosened slightly.

No. She knew that she couldn't just keep him here like this, no matter how much it hurt. Ignorance was not bliss—it was a cruel, painful joke that had left her feeling hollow and empty inside.

She had to accept reality. It was the least she could do for her mother. It was the least she could do for herself.

So, she straightened herself up as best as she could, wiped her face with the sleeve of her dress, and took a deep breath. She was a mess, and not in a cute way. Her face felt puffy, her eyes burned, and she was pretty sure that there was a gross mixture of snot and spit all over her clothes.

"Val, I can't understand you if you don't talk or use gestures." Cael sounded helpless.

"S-sorry. I'm sorry." She shook her head and sniffed. "Let's just… go to bed."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

"Alright."

Cael stood up, and she followed suit as he led her hand in hand back to the bedroom. She felt exhausted, but it was a comforting exhaustion—like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

She still needed time to sort out her feelings. Disbelief, sadness, anger, and betrayal all swirled around in her head, but that could wait.

Right now, she just needed to rest. She had already stayed up far too long indulging herself in reading.

Cael opened the door for her, and they walked toward the bed together. She tossed off her dress, slipped into her nightgown, then laid down on the mattress, pulling the covers up.

Cael awkwardly followed suit on the other side, looking away as she changed before he too settled in.

The room was dark and silent. Val stared up at the ceiling.

Her head was still swimming, but there was comfort she felt with him here.

She closed her eyes and tried to keep at bay the thoughts that threatened to overwhelm her. She would have to deal with them soon, likely tomorrow, but not tonight.

For now, all she wanted was to sleep.

Her hand fumbled around until it found his and she grabbed it gently.

"Goodnight, Cael," she whispered as his calming warmth spread through her. She could feel him squeeze her hand back.

"…Goodnight, Val."