A World With You

Cael shivered as the cold air cut through his coat and bit at his skin. It wasn't snowing, but with the sun hidden behind dark gray clouds, it didn't seem to matter. 

He was out on a walk today. He had a lot to think about after he'd taken care of the morning chores, and the chilly weather and bleak landscape helped to ground him.

Most notable amongst all of them though, was Val.

After her sudden breakdown two nights ago, she had tried to put on a facade and acted like nothing had happened, but it wasn't hard to see through it. It was obvious in the way that she talked, the way she moved, and even in the way that she smiled.

He was worried.

In the two months that they had been together, he'd never seen her this down before. He'd caught glimpses of her loneliness in the first couple of weeks and the obvious distress when he'd first been summoned, but this was something new entirely.

It felt like a shadow had been cast over her. She seemed distant and lost in thought. Even her smiles were empty.

"Eos'tykfa," he chanted, clearing away some debris from the path in front of him with a pulse of wind. He wasn't really paying attention to where he was walking anymore; his feet just carried him forward on their own accord. It was as if he were on autopilot.

He didn't like seeing Val like this. She was always so bright and cheerful that it hurt to watch her struggle against whatever was going on in her head.

But he didn't know how to fix it.

He barely even knew what the problem was in the first place. He figured it was related to why she no longer wore the pendant around her neck—where it had gone, he had no clue—but he didn't know anything more than that.

He sighed as he remembered that night. They had stayed up on the porch for what had seemed like hours, and he hadn't been able to do anything more than comfort her and rub her back. It was frustrating. He wanted to help, he wanted to take the burden from her shoulders, but he couldn't.

The only thing he could really do without her opening up to him was just… being there.

She seemed to lighten up slightly whenever she spent time with him, whether that was in silence, conversation, or even just sharing a meal together. But even then it was typically fleeting, and she would be back to her hurting self within seconds.

He wish he could do something more.

He stopped to look at his surroundings and saw that he was at the edge of the forest. Ah, he'd journeyed pretty far, hadn't he?

He took a deep breath and turned back to head home, but not before he noticed a hardened mound of dirt surrounded by sparkling shards of crystal.

Hm? What was this?

***

Val huddled under the blankets on her bed, trying to keep herself warm despite the chill that permeated her bones. The cold air drafted through the open window of the bedroom, causing a small shiver to run down her spine.

It was cold, but she couldn't find the will to get up and close the window. Besides, she was preoccupied.

She had just finished going over her parents' journal after taking a day off to process her emotions. She wasn't sure if it had been the best thing she could've done, but honestly, she had just wanted a distraction. And, well, reading had been the best thing she could think of.

She closed the cover and ran her hand over the rough leather, tracing the texture of the material. It was comforting, somehow, even with all of the rough truths and lies she had uncovered. Her mind drifted back to the entries, the words of her parents, and everything else that she had read.

It was clear that they loved her dearly, but the revelations were overwhelming. Even just thinking about it made her chest ache, and she could feel a lump forming in her throat.

She didn't want to cry again.

She wasn't going to cry again.

Val tucked the book underneath her pillow and curled up, hugging her knees to her chest. It was a childish gesture, but it felt right. Comforting.

Her thoughts drifted to Cael, and a warm feeling briefly spread through her before being replaced with guilt. It wasn't just guilt about summoning him though, or not opening up to him, but something much deeper.

She'd been using him.

Ever since he'd entered this world, Cael had been her source of comfort. When she was saddened, he'd wiped away her tears. When she was scared, he'd held her and told her things would be okay. When she was lonely, he was there by her side to keep her company.

If her transgressions just ended there, perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad. After all, he did seem to enjoy her company, and she did feel like she was helping him somewhat in turn.

But it didn't.

Her gaze fell upon the romance novels that were still stacked up on the nightstand beside her. The journal hadn't been the only thing that she'd read in her despair.

These were her curse.

When she'd first indulged in them, it had been an innocent thing, driven by curiosity. She needed to know more, to understand the strange desires and feelings that welled up inside her. It felt so wonderful, so warm, and she had wanted nothing more than to indulge in them. She wanted to know more about romance, about love!

At least until the moment ignorance had left her.

Because now, she understood.

She clenched her fists.

What she felt for Cael… It wasn't just friendship or companionship. It wasn't simply gratitude or admiration. No, it was a different type of affection altogether—a very selfish one.

Obsession.

She was obsessed with him. Obsessed with him in a way that she'd never thought was possible for herself. Obsessed with him in a way that frightened her. She was enamored by him, enthralled by his every action and word, and craved his attention and validation.

It was terrifying.

Everything that had seemed so innocent to her before now felt wrong to indulge in. His gentle touch, the way he spoke to her, and even his presence—it all seemed like a violation of his space. His life.

She shivered as the full context of what she'd been doing all this time hit her. Sure, one could use the excuse that she'd been unaware of what she was doing, but now that she understood what these feelings meant, everything that she'd done, everything that she'd indulged in…

It was wrong.

Simply put, she'd taken advantage of him.

All of the discomfort, the flushed faces, and the awkward tension between them made sense now. Every time she'd stripped down to change, every time she'd gotten close enough to feel the flutter of his chest, every time she'd initiated physical contact, it had never been okay. It had just been him putting up with her selfish desires.

She'd been so blind. So ignorant. So stupid. So… so...

She buried her head further into her blanket, wrapping it tighter around herself as if it could somehow protect her from the harsh truths that were flooding in. She didn't want to think about it anymore.

To make matters worse, those feelings were only growing. Even after learning of romance's etiquettes and stigmas, she wanted nothing more than to hold him and to feel his warmth, to hear him whisper sweet nothings in her ear, to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

After everything that Cael had done for her, she was still trying to use him.

What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she—

"Val…" Cael's voice interrupted her thoughts.

She froze.

"Val, are you awake?"

No. No, she couldn't face him. Not right now. She was a horrible person. She didn't deserve to even speak to him. She should leave, she should disappear. She should—

She felt his hand on her shoulder, and her body stiffened. His warmth was soothing, and she wanted to melt into it. To forget about everything that had happened and pretend like nothing had changed.

But she couldn't.

"Val?" he asked again, concern in his voice.

"Y-yes?" She finally responded, though her response was muffled by the blankets.

"…Can we talk?"

That was the last thing she wanted to do. "I-uh… I'm not feeling well," she said quietly, her voice weak.

He was silent for a moment before responding. "You know I just want to help, right?" He sounded hurt. His arm pulled away from her, and she could hear him shuffle as he sat on the bed.

"…" She couldn't reply to that.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No!" She quickly shot up from under the blankets to meet his confused gaze. "It's not you, Cael! You're wonderful! You're an amazing person! You're kind, and caring, and strong, and thoughtful, and intelligent, and funny, and—"

She stopped herself, realizing that her outburst was only making things more awkward. Her face reddened, and she looked away.

"I'm sorry."

Cael seemed taken aback by her onslaught of unsolicited compliments, but it was quickly replaced with concern once more. "Why are you apologizing?"

"…" Her eyes fell to her hands in her lap, and her fingers fiddled around nervously.

"Val… please. Talk to me." He gently placed his hand atop hers, and she could feel her heart flutter at his touch. "We know how to now. Remember? All those language lessons?"

She didn't say anything, and instead, her hands slowly curled into fists, gripping the fabric of her dress.

Cael didn't relent. "Well, if you're not going to start, then I guess I will." His grip on her hand tightened. "I'm worried about you."

She flinched.

"Something is bothering you, and I can see it. You were so happy just days ago, and then you suddenly weren't. You're acting weird, and it feels like you're avoiding me."

"I'm not!" Val interjected.

"You are," Cael responded, his voice firm. "You don't poke me to wake me up, or surprise hug me from behind, or ask for head rubs anymore. You barely even talk to me. You just stay in bed and sleep or read, and I… don't know what to do about it."

Val bit her lip. "B-because I'm respecting your boundaries, Cael. I'm trying to be polite. That's all. I'm not avoiding you, I'm just trying to give you space."

His eyes widened. "B-boundaries? Where is this coming from?! What happened to 'Cael, hug!', 'Cael, hold my hand', or 'Cael, look at me!'?"

Her face reddened further. Had she really been that shameless?

"…"

Cael sighed. "You're clearly hurting right now. You're not acting like the Val that I was getting to know, and I want to help you. Please, let me help you."

Val didn't respond. She didn't know what to say. He was right, but she didn't know how to explain herself. The revelation of her mother, her feelings for Cael, and her previous ignorance of romantic and general personal etiquette—it was all too much for her to process.

"I… I can't," she whispered. "I don't know how to."

"Can't or won't?" Cael's tone was stern.

"Can't!" she exclaimed. "I can't communicate what's going on in my head because I don't know how to… process it all. There's so much going on that it's just… Why do you even care?!"

Silence lingered between them as he stared at her with an expression that seemed equal parts shocked and confused.

She immediately regretted her outburst.

"I… I'm sorry," she stammered. "I didn't mean to raise my voice. I just…"

"It's fine." Cael shook his head. "I understand. It's okay to be overwhelmed, and I shouldn't have pushed you."

"No, no, it's not your fault. It's mine! Everything is my fault!"

"Val, it's—"

She cut him off. "I summoned you here from your world. I forced you into this situation. I dragged you into my problems. And I'm making you worry about me. I've done nothing but trouble you, and yet, all you've ever given me is kindness—compassion!"

Her voice cracked, and she tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but she couldn't stop herself from rambling.

"I put you in danger. I made you learn magic. I took you away from what was left of your already struggling life. I've been a terrible person. I've been selfish, I've been ignorant, and I've done things that I never should've done."

"Val, please stop. You're not a bad person."

"No! I am!" Val cried. "I've finally realized why you looked so uncomfortable every time I'd change. Why you looked so uncomfortable every time I'd touch you. Why I'd make you blush every time I got too close."

She choked on her own tears. It hurt. It hurt to realize that she had been so cruel to him without meaning to. It hurt to realize that he'd been putting up with her for her sake. It hurt to know that she'd been the source of his pain.

"And the worst part?! I still want to keep doing it. I still want to use you because I can't stand the thought of not being able to feel your touch, to see your smile, or hear your voice! All because… because…"

Her entire body tensed as she forced the truth out.

"… You're all I have left now."

The room went silent, except for her heavy breathing. She couldn't bring herself to even glance in his direction.

"…"

She could feel his gaze on her, studying her, analyzing her. That was fine, perhaps now he'd finally see her for the selfish, horrible person she was—

His arms wrapped around her.

"W-what?" Val stammered, confused.

"I'm sorry. About your mother, about your feelings, and about everything else." He squeezed her tightly. "I… saw your pendant earlier, or at least what was left of it. I figured something must have happened."

She stiffened in his grasp. He'd pieced it together?

"I won't say I relate just because I've lost my parents too, that wouldn't be fair to you." He pulled away from her, and she could see his face was flushed from embarrassment. "But if it's true that I'm the last source of happiness in your life, then I don't mind if you keep being selfish and using me."

"C-Cael?! What are you saying?! I can't—"

"I want to be used," he cut her off. "Erm, maybe that came out wrong, but you get the point. In all honesty, I've been enjoying the attention you give me. I've been enjoying living here. I've been enjoying spending time with you. That's the reason why I asked to stay here, even if I've been having trouble admitting it to myself."

Val's eyes went wide, and her breath hitched in her throat.

He continued. "Val, you've given me a place to call home. You've given me a future to look forward to. You've given me hope. Frankly, I've realized I don't care that this world is empty. Because if it's with you, I don't mind. And if that means I have to put up with some uncomfortable situations or being taken advantage of for your own 'selfish' desires… I'm more than happy to."

Blood was pounding through her veins, and her face was on fire. She could feel tears welling up in the corners of her eyes too, threatening to spill over.

"Cael, there has to be some miscommunication here. Because you sound like—"

"I love you."

Her heart skipped a beat. "What?"

Cael's face was crimson, and he was avoiding looking directly at her. "I… love you, Val. I've never met someone as kind and compassionate as you are, and despite how strange you can act, I've never felt more at peace with myself than when I'm with you."

Val's entire body froze. She stared at him, her mind blank.

"I don't know if you fully comprehend the significance of that, but considering your reaction, I assume you do at least a little." He reached out to wipe away a stray tear from her cheek.

"I…" Val trailed off, her voice trembling.

Cael smiled at her softly, and she could see the nervousness in his eyes. He was shaking, and his hands were clammy, but his smile was genuine.

"Jeez, that was hard to get out. I'm not usually one to put my feelings on my sleeve. Well, you're welcome to take your time to process that and think about it yourself." He let out an awkward chuckle, scratching the back of his neck. "It took me a long while to stop denying it myself. But uh, yeah. I just want you to know that you're not alone, and that I'm here for you."

"…"

Her head spun. He loved her? Him? The man that she'd taken from his world, thrust into hers, and forced into an entirely new lifestyle?

She couldn't believe it.

She didn't want to. No, she did want to, but…

"…" Val's hand reached out and poked Cael's cheek. It was soft and squishy. He was real. He was here. She wasn't dreaming.

"V-Val?"

Her arms launched forward, wrapping around his torso, and she buried her face into his chest as her emotions exploded.

She cried. She sobbed. She wailed. She wept.

Her tears flowed freely down her face, and she couldn't hold them back. She was so confused, yet so happy. So very, incredibly happy.

She felt him gently embrace her back, and the warmth of his body against hers sent tingles throughout her entire being.

"Are those good tears or bad tears?" Cael whispered softly.

"Good ones, I think." Val sniffled, trying to compose herself. "I'm sorry for crying so much. I'm a mess. I'm such a mess."

"It's alright," he reassured her.

"Cael, I don't know what to say," she murmured. "I've never felt this way before, and I don't know how to describe it. I've only just discovered what these feelings are, and yet… I'm so happy. I'm so happy that it hurts."

She pulled away from his hug and looked up at him. His face was a deep shade of red, and he was avoiding her gaze, clearly flustered.

"L-like I said," Cael stuttered, "you don't have to answer right now. I just wanted you to know. Take your time to sort out your thoughts and figure out how you feel. Even if the answer is no, that's fine. I'll still be here—"

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, cutting him off mid-sentence. It was awkward since she'd only read about it in books, but it didn't stop her from enjoying the feeling of his lips on hers before she quickly pulled away.

Cael was gawking, and his mouth hung agape. 

"Is that… an appropriate response?"

"Y-yeah," he replied breathlessly, his cheeks turning a bright pink hue. "Yeah, I'd say that's pretty appropriate."

"Then that's my answer."