That's a lot of Bucks

“Well well…” Yale Blart Jr. stroked his big mustache as he put the brakes on the taxi. “Looks like we made it to the finish line.”

June and I were practically dead in the back seat. I found the strength to peek cautiously out the window to see that we were actually in the mall parking lot. This crazy race car driver actually got us here in one piece!

“Hey, we made it…” I sighed, shoving June's shoulder to revive her.

“Eh,” June replied, weakly.

“I said, we made it...”

"Eeeh..."

On the other side of the spectrum, Cal was ecstatic.

“Such an amazing vehicle, this cahr!” Cal said as he slapped the dashboard hard enough to rock the whole car. “Fair princess, why do I not have one of these in Calidum?”

I was really hoping he wouldn’t start asking me to put modern amenities into his fantasy world, but I had had just as bad of a feeling that was going to be unavoidable at this point.

“When someone from your home invents the combustion engine, then we’ll talk,” I said.

“Let’s get out of here…” June said, shoving me out the taxi door. “Cute baby, by the way.”

“Thank you kindly, lil’ missy.” Yale Blart Jr. tipped his hat.

“Gaggaah!” Cooed the baby as he waved to us and fist bumped Cal.

“Thank you, sir,” Cal bowed to our driver. “You have performed us a righteous service, and I will remember this in your time of need.”

“Well, ain’t you just a good fella’?” Laughed Blart Jr. “Go on, get before ya’ make me shed a tear!”

“Never again!” June pointed a finger at me like it was a dagger as Blart Jr. drove off with thunder. “Never! I will never set foot in another taxi as long as I live! I’d rather walk a hundred miles!”

“That sounds like something my grandma used to say,” I laughed, remembering some of the silly things she would complain about. “I will never use the train as long as I live! Those seats are filthy and the people stink.” I mimicked her voice. “Back in my day, we used to walk everywhere! It made my legs look so good that your grandfather fell for me so fast that he got hurt and we had to take a train anyway...”

Ahh, grandma… I miss her.

“Oh, I sound like her now, do I?” June snickered as she turned toward the building. “Anyways, there she is, ladies and gentleman. The promised land... The mall.”

“So, this is where they keep the lions,” Cal stepped forward with a serious look on his face. “I have no idea why we came here, but I shall protect you both with my life.”

“What the heck are you talking about?” I asked, thinking he was going crazy. “Cal, this isn’t a zoo. We’re here to buy June a car and get new phones.”

“You mean, you’re going to get a cahr like the taxi man?” Cal threw up his fist in excitement. “Excellent! It’ll be easier for us to travel if we don’t have to rely on others.”

“You’ve got that right,” June said as she marched, leading the way to the first place we’d be visiting.

Our first stop was to the car dealership that was connected to the mall, since June wanted to start the paperwork for a new vehicle.

“I’m going to go talk with someone for a little while,” June said, pointing to an office off to the side of the garage. “Why don’t you go show Cal around a little so he can get a feel for our modern life? Maybe get him something to eat.”

“You trust me to do that alone?”

“No, but I have a little faith you two won’t break down the mall.” she lost her smile quickly. “Oh god…” she mumbled. "I'm gonna regret this..."

“Don’t worry June,” I gave her a hug. “I’ll just get him some food. He seems pretty hungry anyways.”

I could hear his stomach grumbling from all the way over here. Speaking of Cal, he was on the other side of the garage looking at some of the automotive displays. A car salesman approached him from behind.

“Hey big man,” the car salesman greeted. “See something you like?”

“This iron horse here…”

“Oh, you mean that motorcycle? It’s one of our latest model TGIX-Hardly Mk7. A beaut, ain’t she?”

“How many shillings do you charge for such a metal beast?”

“Well, that one’s gonna’ set you back 52,000 bucks, big man.”

Cal’s eyes went wide with shock as he turned to the salesman. “You’d request 52,000 male deer for this?! I’ve only ever hunted perhaps a few dozen at any given time.”

“Uh, big man?” The car salesman reached up and patted Cal on the shoulder. “You’re a mushroom, because I think you're a fun guy. Tell you what, best I can do on her is 49 for you.”

“Now that’s reasonable!” Cal shook the man's hand. “Give me a few hours to procure these bucks and I will be right back!”

“Great!” said the salesman. “Why don’t we step into my office and start the paperwork?”

“Uh, Cal?” I walked up to them. “What’s going on here?”

“Ah, fair princess Auri!” Cal looked very excited. “I am now the proud owner of the TG…I…F?” his brow raised. “What did you call this iron horse?”

“The TGX-Hardly Mk.7,” replied the salesman. “You’re husband over here has such a good eye for quality that I might just call him bullseye. You like that, big man?”

“Huusss huba…” I froze with a flush face. "Husband?!"

“Yes, I do like it.” Cal sent him a thumbs up. “Come, we must start the paperwork so I may ride my iron horse.”

“Woah!” I stepped in front of Cal before he followed the guy in. “Cal, that thing is 52,000 dollars!”

“Doll hairs?” Cal brushed his chin. “Fiend of greed!” he shouted at the car salesman. “You were going to charge me 49 bucks for this! But now she tells me all I need is doll hairs? Those are much easier to acquire!... I think?” Cal’s brow raised curiously at me.

“Uh, let’s get out of here, Cal…” I took his hand and dragged him away from the motorcycle display.

“But…” he stopped in place, preventing me from dragging him along.

“But what?” I turned back to see him a little sad looking.

“You require a method of transportation, yes? I was going to purchase that metal steed for us.”

His thoughtfulness made me let out a sigh of flattery, but he really had no idea the value of things in this world. It wasn’t like they didn’t have money where he came from. Actually, Cal was carrying around a few silver coins in his pocket if I remember correctly, but he certainly didn’t understand how worthless those were.

“Cal…” I uttered. “I appreciate that, but you don’t really know how buying things work here.”

“It can’t be much different from where I’m from,” he argued.

“Fundamentally, I guess…” It might have been a good idea to actually show him how to buy stuff here. “Why don't we head over to the food court and you can watch me get us some grub?"

“Very well!” He shook his fist eagerly in the air. “I look forward to what court of food you will show me! However, I'd rather not eat worms."

"Who said anything about worms?" I shook my head. "You're so silly..."

-^$^-

Cal and I both left to get some food. When he caught wind of the chinese restaurant in the food court, he was over there in a second. All it took was one bite from the orange chicken sample and he was hooked.

“I shall purchase all of that!” he pointed to the orange chicken tray.

The guy scooped up some onto a plate, but Cal kept asking for more.

“More… More… More!”

The server was all too happy to pile on as much as Cal wanted, but eventually he looked a bit bothered.

“Sir, please…” the server was having a hard time holding the mountain of orange chicken. “I cannot put any more on here.”

I didn’t doubt Cal could eat all that, but it sure was a lot for one guy.

“Cal, if you want seconds, we can always come back.”

“That is a fair point,” he nodded. “That will be all, my friend.”

The server guy then put the plate onto a scale, which rang it up as $50.

“Holy cow…” I said, digging out my credit card from my purse. “That’s so pricey.”

“We’re eating a holy cow? I thought it was chicken,” Cal replied.

Cal and I were probably going to have to share if that was the case. And I mean, it was like a weeks worth of chicken. Too bad it was all going to one meal though. Ehh, I took all their complementary sauce packets and napkins to compensate for the price.

We sat down at a table and got to work eating away at the mountain of chicken.

“Hmm…” Cal hummed as he kept shoveling fistfuls of chicken into his mouth.

“Use a fork.” I handed him a utensil. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?”

“The sample tasted better than this,” he replied.

The sample was probably fresh. They must have given us the previous batch or something.

“Doesn't look like it’s ruined your appetite,” I giggled.

“Of course not. A mighty warrior will eat anything happily.”

I’ll say. He was already halfway through the chicken mountain.

“They don’t happen to serve beer at this fine establishment, do they?”

I shook my head. Although, a drink of some kind to wash this down did sound really good.

“Oh!” I cooed out, noticing a dessert stand behind us. “Hang on, I’ll be right back.”

I got us both parfait. In the time it took me to order those and get back, Cal had licked the chicken plate clean.

“What is this fruity looking drink?” Cal poked the strawberry at the top and watched the gell-oh slices it was stuck in jiggle. “Why are we eating the remains of the slime monster I killed?”

That’s a disgusting, but admittedly understandable way of looking at this...

“No, it’s called a parfait,” I said, taking a spoon and scooping up a little whip cream and blueberries from the top. “Here, try some.”

I fed him the spoonful and his face danced with curiosity, then delight. He had a little whipped cream on his nose, so I rubbed it off with a napkin.

“A sweet treat to complement the sour chicken,” he nodded.

Sweet and sour was his favorite combo of tastes, so I figured he’d like this as a follow up to the dessert.

“Now try yours.” I encouraged.

His was a little different then mine, since it had gell-oh in it. But when he took a spoonful out of the top, it jiggled so much that it fell right onto the table.

“Ahh, Cal…” I said in disappointment. “Those are expensive, so don’t drop it.”

“But, I held it perfectly still…” he glared at the gell-oh before trying to smack it with his spoon.

The gell-oh bounced out of the way of his hit. Then he tried to strike it again, but it bounced again until it was off the table

“What the heck?”

We weren’t the only ones dealing with this. The whole parfait shop was freaking out because all their gell-oh was bouncing away.

It all collected at the center of the food court, and a guy was standing there with his arms up, like he was the one summoning it there. Many little slime monsters, like the one we faced at the dumpster, started popping up everywhere afterwards.

“Yes!” the man shouted. “The Warlock of Fall, Octo-bar, commands you! Rise, my slimy children! Rise!”