Moonlight Promise

Azreal stared at Mari and stuttered, not sure what to say. His heart was still pounding in his ears. ‘How did I not realize she’d snuck up on me? That’s the definition of failure as a mercenary.’

“Sorry! I wasn’t trying to ruin your time with God! I just was worried because I woke up and you weren’t in the house, and you’ve been acting weird lately.” She slid into one of the pews. “I can wait for you. Or leave, if you want?” Azreal shook his head and stood up.

“No, it’s fine. It’s about time to be done anyway. I was getting to the point where I just repeat nonsense in circles because I don’t know what else to say.” He took a seat next to Mari and the two sat in silence for a moment. ‘Is this a sign that I should tell her now?’ He debated. ‘Better sooner than later and there’s no guarantee I’ll get another chance like this to talk to her alone.’

“It’s strange, watching you humans worship God.” Mari started before he had a chance to speak. “It’s different for divine creatures like unicorns. We just always sort of have a sixth sense awareness his presence and we don’t have to think about it so much. He exists, we exist, and it’s just a fact of life.”

“Right, your kind are holy beings. You are more than humans, but below the angels, right?” Azreal asked, surprised at her sudden observation. The divinity of unicorns was common knowledge but, since they had been thought to be near extinct because of how well they had concealed themselves from the rest of the world, he had no idea if it was true or an embellishment.

“Yep. Though it doesn’t really feel like we’re all that amzing or holy.” Mari admitted with a snicker. “I mean...we just kinda are what we are, you know? It’s like how elves, or wizards, or even you humans just know what makes you what species you are and don’t question it. You don’t have explain your human-ness to anyone. It’s just a shared inate understanding.” She sighed. “Although, that is the issue, isn't it? Since unicorns are divine beings, we have an overall higher level of awareness and intelligence in everything. It’s makes it hard to explain my abilities to you humans. For instance, I can track the presence of others and sense what people’s souls are like. It’s just common sense to me, but it seems like magic or a fraud to you humans and there's not a way I can explain it. It’s kind of like....hmmm...like how would you humans explain how to breath or walk to someone? If that makes sense?” She tilted her head, seemingly trying to asses if he was following her train of thought.

“No, I get what you’re saying completely.” Azreal assured her. ‘I can’t describe it in words, just like she can’t, but some things are just instincts. Hers are on a whole other, supernatural level that my human brain can’t even begin to comprehend because she’s a different species. She finds the way I act and think as novel and foreign as I think her behavior is.’

“You’re lucky though, just being able to have that sort of sense of God’s awareness. I have a lot of doubts, sometimes over the stupidest things.” He sighed. “But...I still believe somehow. I guess it’s my own sort of sixth sense awareness. And the fact that no one is ever going to understand everything in the entire universe...Hey, Mari?” He asked suddenly, summoning all the courage he could muster to get this over with. “I have something to tell you.”

Mari looked at him curiosity. “Is it about why you’ve been acting so nervous and out of it lately?” Azreal nodded.

“Yeah...” He stared up at the fragmented stained glass sparkling in the moonlight. “A couple of days ago, when we were out shopping, one of the mercenaries I work with told me that we got another mission from the king. We have to take out some Tempest soldiers that are trying to infiltrate deeper into the continent and gather whatever intel we can on what Tempest’s plans are. Today is my last day at home and I’m going to have to leave early in the morning tomorrow.”

Mari sat there calmly. ‘I can’t understand her expression. Is she upset?’ Azreal worried.

“How long will you be gone?”

“I have no idea. Maybe a week? That’s about how long I’m usually gone, anyway.”

“I see.” Mari gave a big sigh of relief. “You idiot! You had me terrified, but that’s all it was?”

Azreal was taken aback. “That’s all? Wha-? You’re not mad?”

Mari raised an eyebrow. “Am I not thrilled that you worried me so much? Yes, but I’m not mad. Why would I be? I knew that you might have to leave at any moment because of your job and, with the war going on, I’m surprised you weren’t called away sooner. We already discussed this when I moved in with you, so it’s nothing new to me.”

Azreal couldn’t help but break out laughing. “I really did worry over nothing!” Mari looked at him in bewilderment.

“Are you sure you're okay? You’re really telling me that the only reason you’ve been acting this weird is because you were worried about telling me you had to leave?”

Azreal took a deep breath. He was sure his laughter had made him look unhinged, but it felt good anyway. It was like a release of his remaining anxiety and fears. “I’m better now, really! I know it sounds foolish but...yes, that’s all it was. I was just scared. Irrationally scared.” He folded his hands in his lap and stared intently at them. The idea of making eye contact with Mari during such a serious conversation felt uncomfortable.

“I guess...heh, this sounds so silly...” He paused. “But...I kill people. That’s how I make money. Regardless of who I’m working for or whether or not you think it’s justified, that’s the unavoidable truth. I guess I just...really felt ashamed of having to remind you what I do. I didn’t want you to be mad at me.”

“Azreal. Why in the world would you think I’d be mad? When we met for the first time, you were covered in blood and that didn’t scare me! Much. Why would I be mad when I already knew you were a mercenary? It’s not like you ever hid anything about yourself. You’re hard to read, but you’re also brutally honest when it comes to how you feel about yourself.” Mari reached over and placed her hand on his.

“You aren’t some unhinged psychopath who takes pleasure in killing. That’s obvious. And, even if mercenaries in general can be sketchy, you’re working directly for the king. You’re more of a spy and solider than anything, at least that’s how I see it. I’ve never for a minute found what you do to be disgusting or shameful. Maybe you did mess up and do horrible things in the past. I don’t know, but that’s between you and God unless you want to share it, because that’s not you. Not right now. I only know the Azreal you are right now, and you don’t have any sort of hate or malicious intent in you. You’re a caring person, and I trust you to try and make the right choice when things happen.”

Azreal’s eyes started to burn. ‘Don’t cry, damn it! Not in front of her!’ He covered his eyes with his left hand and slouched forward. “That’s...that’s why it was so hard for me to tell you. It’s so stupid but...you said I had a soul so full of light that it was unusual. I’ve honestly been having fun with you and you’ve been so kind to me so...I was scared that you’d be disgusted by me. I-I-” He bit his lip so he wouldn’t start outright bawling like a child.

“I’m not as good of a person as you think I am. I’m a sinner and I’m scared of everything and I don’t trust people. I was worried that, once the novelty wore off and you saw how rotten I really was...you wouldn’t want anything to do with me and you’d leave. After all the nice things you’ve said to me, hearing you hate me and say cruel things would really be too much to take...”

“Azreal.” Something in Mari’s tone made Azreal raise his head and met her eyes. Her face was serious, but her smile was gentle and the only expression he could see in her eyes was compassion. She grasped his hands tightly and stared into his eyes. “Don’t you ever say things like that about yourself ever again. I could never hate you. I know you’ve been hurt in the past and you don’t have the sixth sense I have, but I know what your true nature is like. It’s beautiful and why I fell in love with you. So don’t you ever think that I would hate you or call you disgusting. That's a lie and you know it.”

The tears started slipping out Azreal’s eyes. ‘No one...no one’s ever said anything that kind to me...’ Mari closed her eyes and gently pressed her forehead to his.

“I love you, Azreal, and nothing can ever change that. No matter how scared or uncertain you are, I’ll always be on your side.”

The words were the sort of unconditional trust and assurance he’d always secretly longed for, even if he tried to deny it. Mari’s calm words of comfort finally gave him a sense of peace and, for the first time in days, his mind finally felt at ease. 

“Thank you...”