The Crowd Roars, and So Does My Heart

POV: Haruki 🎸

BAWAAAANG!

The guitar screams.

The crowd roars.

There she stands, crowned by blinding stage lights. They cast dimensions of dust and darkness across the stage. The deafening cries from the dance floor below were swallowed by the howl of overburdened amplifiers.

She closes her eyes. Arms raised.

This is it.

Inhale.

Her fingers poised. The strings are waiting.

She focuses. 

Roars dissolve into low white noise. 

Then everything narrows to a single point.

For a second, nothing. Just her and her guitar.

Exhale.

And her hands finally crash down.

And in an instant, the world snaps back.

The sound shatters in all directions and the crowd erupts once more.

Then the snares— TSSSHH!
It smashes like ice crystals.

A second guitar— NEEEEEEEEEOW! 
A riff that cracks through air in the room like a whip.

Pure, raw energy, she could feel it. As if they had just moved the world one inch.

For five minutes, they were on a different plane.

No interruptions, no distractions. 

But as quickly as it came, it wanes.

The music settles into a ringing in her ears, overtaken by the crowd’s roar.

“Give it up for Harmonic Distortions!”
「響けディストーション！」

The stage lights dim, and the next band steps forward. 

⊹ ▬ ▬ ⊹ ⊹ ▬ ▬ ▬ ⊹

Haruki Amane was breathing heavily, sweat dripping down her face. She had never felt so alive yet so drained at the same time. She kept replaying the performance in her head, over and over again, trying to make sure that it had been as perfect as it felt.

Somewhere backstage, a voice rang out— “Yeah, we did it! We totally did it!”

She was punching the air, practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. Her wild, messy bright hair stuck to her forehead from the sweat. Yet she still wore that defining, mischievous grin. 

Another girl casually leaned against a wall. She was a bit taller, short hair, guitar over her shoulders. Like the rest of the band, she was also soaked in sweat and practically panting but still held her confident stature.

“Tone it down, Sakura. Some of us still need to catch our breath...”

Then she let out a casual chuckle and replied, “But, yeah, that was pretty great.”

Sakura seemed to take great offense to that. “Just great, Aika?! Did you hear them? The crowd?!”

Nothing in the world could dampen this girl’s enthusiasm.

“You sure about that? Or were you just too busy screaming yourself?” Haruki cut her off.

“Hey, I was screaming, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t too!”

Sakura gave Haruki a cheeky wink before spinning around to face Aika. “See? Even she can’t deny it!”

“I think we did well, guys...” Another voice spoke out, this one softer than the rest.

Mayumi, the keyboardist, stepped forward from her corner. Her soft demeanor contrasted with the chaotic nature of the rest of the band. Haruki could still remember the first time she performed, how visibly shaken she was. Now she was part of the group as if she always were.

Haruki flashed a tired smile to Mayumi. “Yeah, I think we really killed it tonight.”

Sakura’s lips widened into a huge grin as if she knew she'd won.

Aika wiped her neck with a towel. She shook her head with a smile, eyes rolling. “Alright, alright, c’mon. Let’s pack up. Who’s hungry?”

"I could demolish a whole pot of miso butter corn ramen right now," Sakura said, rubbing her stomach. "Let's go already..."

Haruki felt her stomach growl too. After a performance like that, ramen did sound good.

⊹ ▬ ▬ ⊹ ⊹ ▬ ▬ ▬ ⊹

Haruki stared at her empty bowl, completely wiped clean. Ramen, the answer to everything. The warmth of the broth in her stomach brought her some needed filling. Still the ringing in her head hadn’t quite receded, and her hearing hadn’t fully recovered either. She picked up her chopsticks and twirled them around as she quietly listened in on her bandmates’ conversation at the table.

Sakura slurped down the last of her noodles before ungracefully wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“So, I was thinking… The autumn festival’s coming up. We have to start practicing, right? I mean, the whole school will be there.”

Aika took a sip from her glass without looking up at her.

“You mean that weekend where every club at school becomes attention-whore club?”

“Exactly. Except this time, we’ll be the main event,” Sakura replied. "We'll blow all those wannabes away." 

“We literally just performed, and now you’re already planning another?”

“Uh, duh!”

“What about midterms?” Aika asked with a raised brow.

“That’s future Sakura’s problem.”

“Future Sakura’s already failing classical literature.”

Sakura groaned, then dramatically flopped back against her chair. “That class doesn’t even make sense! Why are they talking about, like, guys turning into beetles?"

"You mean Kafka?"

"Whatever. Literature's for boring people.”

“You know? You might not be failing if you didn’t spend the whole class drawing hearts around a certain third-year’s name.”

“HEY… that was private research!”

“Yeah? Research for your imaginary wedding plan?”

At the same time, Mayumi appeared to have fallen in love with a cup of pumpkin pudding she was now stuffing into her mouth. Perhaps she was planning a pudding-themed wedding for herself?

Haruki perked up with a renewed interest. “Who was it this time?”

Sakura threw her hands over her head. “No comment! Zero comments! Comments are illegal!”

Mayumi raised her head and looked around the table like a confused child. “W-wait, who’s getting married?”

The table laughed.

Haruki leaned in and whispered to her. “No one’s getting married, Mayu. It’s just Sakura’s latest fantasy.”

“Ohhh...” Mayumi exclaimed, before going right back to stuffing spoonful's of pudding into her mouth.

Sakura crossed her arms and muttered under her breath. “You guys are mean…”

⊹ ▬ ▬ ⊹ ⊹ ▬ ▬ ▬ ⊹

As ramen night came to a close, the group began to gather their bags and head for the door. The night air had a chill to it, which was normal in Hokkaido by mid-September.

It was at that moment that Haruki realized she'd forgotten her hoodie backstage at the Susukino live house. She sighed, knowing she’d have to suffer in the cold all the way home.

The four stood outside the Sumire ramen shop, chit-chatting for a while longer until they were too exhausted to continue.

“Hey, I’ll see you guys later.”

“See you, Haruki.”

“Bye!”

“See you guys at school tomorrow!” Sakura voice echoed out, already halfway down the block. 

And then Haruki found herself alone again. A gust of wind swept beneath her skirt. She shivered, hugging herself. 

With no other options, she started walking.

The streets of Sapporo were quieter now with the new semester in session. The illumination of street lamps stretched across the damp pavement, casting sparkles over the vast sea of puddles.

Haruki didn’t particularly enjoy walking alone. It was too quiet for her. And when it was quiet, her mind would stray. She had a bad habit of overthinking. It was just who she was. 

She tried to occupy herself, recalling how it all started. 

Sakura, in her usual fashion, had yanked the three of them out of the music room one day during their first year of high school. 

“We’re starting our own band!” she'd declared, ignoring the fact that none of them had ever agreed to it. Not that it mattered to her anyway. And from that day on, they were officially the Harmonic Distortions. Of course, a name Sakura had chosen without their approval.

The thought made her smile. It was strange, really. It felt like a lifetime ago. She loved her bandmates more than anything... though sometimes she still wondered if she was truly a part of it.... or just convenient. 

It was a tight-knit group. Aika was the backbone, Sakura was the banter, Mayumi was a total sweetheart, and Haruki? Well, she was a decent guitarist and had a nice voice... which is why she ended up as the lead vocalist. Even still, she couldn’t have been more grateful.

Now they were starting their second term as second years at Hoshino High School, and so far, it was going better than expected. It was as if they'd broken a barrier and things were finally looking up for the band. More gigs were coming in than ever before, and the four of them had even started receiving compliments at school. Sometimes from complete strangers.

For Haruki, balancing school, the band, and workload was quickly turning into a juggling act, but she was determined to make it all work. If not for herself, then for her friends.

She couldn't recall having many close friends growing up. Perhaps it was because she had only recently come out of her shell, or perhaps it was because she seemed to move schools every few months due to her father's work.

Or maybe she just had memory loss… That might've been it.

She vaguely recalled something her middle school science teacher once said. He explained that your mind tends to erase things that aren't important. The little moments that don't make much of a difference in the long run, the brain decides it isn't worth remembering. But then, the stuff that matters, like your friends, your passions, that big moment that'll determine the rest of your life... It all gets filed away in a way that sticks, sometimes without you even realizing it.

Perhaps that part of Sakura’s brain simply didn’t work, Haruki chuckled. 

She walked by Nakajima Park where the band would always hang out.
Past the Clock Tower, its colonial architecture encircled by modern Japan.
Past the little shop that sold the creamiest Hokkaido milk soft serve she’d ever tasted.
Past the rows and rows of apartment buildings. Half their windows glowing with light, and the other half swallowed by darkness. Haruki wondered if maybe hers would glow tonight, and for once she wouldn't have to be met with dead silence. 

The streets were nearly silent now. The chirps of the cicadas had all but dwindled as the autumn cold crept in. 

The cool night air kissed her face. The temperature now had dropped to where she could almost see the puffs of steam escape her lips. She watched it dissolve in the dark. 

But it began to quicken, gradually becoming more sporadic. 
As if conflicting with the movement of her own lungs. 

She hadn't been running. There was no reason for the abrupt breathlessness. 

There was a tugging in her chest, like something had passed right through her. 

She took a disoriented step forward as she felt another tug at her heart. 
She leaned against a lamp post, trying to gather herself. 

For a while she stood there, waiting for her breath to steady.

And after a moment, the feeling had receded completely. 

She pushed herself upright, brushing off her utter confusion. 

What the hell was that?!

She pulled out her phone to check the time. 

10:16 PM.

It was just late, and she was just tired.

🎸