That Qtuber Who Got Rich Selling Her Bathwater

TWHACK

Something hard smacked my head, jerking me awake. My neck ached as I lifted it from the desk, but surprisingly, I felt... refreshed? Like I'd actually gotten decent sleep for once.

"Seriously? Sleeping right before class?"

Toukawa-san loomed over me, brandishing a thick textbook. The same one she'd just used as an improvised alarm clock, I bet.

"If you stayed up playing games again, I swear-"

I barely registered her scolding. My mind was still fuzzy with fragments of whatever those dreams were. But more importantly, was Kurumi back from that containment zone?

My eyes scanned the classroom until they landed on her desk. There she was, face planted firmly on her desk, drooling slightly. But something wasn't quite right. A fluffy pink... thing was attached to her back, rising and falling with each of her breaths.

"Uh, Toukawa-san?" I pointed. "You see that too, right?"

Toukawa-san's scolding died mid-sentence as she followed my finger. We crept closer to Kurumi's desk, trying to get a better look at whatever had hitched a ride on Kurumi's back.

It was... a sheep? A kaiju sheep? Pink and fluffy like cotton candy, with tiny spiral horns poking through the fluff. It seemed perfectly content using Kurumi as a mattress.

"Mmm..." Kurumi shifted in her sleep, a perverted grin spreading across her face. "Sae-san's body is amazing..."

I watched Toukawa-san's face scrunch up in disgust at Kurumi's sleep-talking. Her textbook came down hard on Kurumi's head with a satisfying twhack.

"Nyaaah!" Kurumi shot up, eyes glazed. "Why'd you stop- oh" Her shoulders slumped when reality caught up with her fantasy. "It was just getting to the good part..."

"Nobody wants to hear about your perverted dreams." Toukawa-san cut her off, clutching her textbook like she might need to use it again.

I leaned forward in my seat. "When did you get back from that containment zone anyway?"

Kurumi's face went blank. She tilted her head, brow furrowed in thought. "Containment zone? Hmm..." She closed her eyes then reached lazily behind her back for a scratch.

The sheep-kaiju thing let out a startled "BAAAA!" and bounced off Kurumi's back. In its wake, pink fluffy clouds started materializing around the classroom, filling the air like someone had stuffed it with pastel cotton balls.

Little Shit's head popped out of my desk drawer. He squeaked in confusion at the clouds, swiping at them with his stubby claws. But every time he caught one, two more spawned.

Sae jolted awake too. The balloon string tied to her arm tugged as Rhino shifted forms, probably sensing the new kaiju presence.

I rubbed my eyes, trying to focus through the pink haze swallowing our classroom. A flash of cotton candy fluff bounced past the window.

"It's getting away!" Kurumi shouted, smushing her face against glass.

"How about we focus on getting out of this mess first?" Toukawa-san swatted at the clouds surrounding us. They just multiplied with each touch, like some kind of pastel hydra.

"Hmm..." Kurumi's face scrunched up in thought. Before anyone could stop her, she reached out, pinched off a chunk of cloud, and popped it in her mouth.

Did Kurumi just-?

"OHHH!" Kurumi's eyes lit up. She pushed through the waist-high fluff with surprising determination, especially for someone who'd been drooling on her textbook moments ago. Before I could escape, her hands clamped down on my shoulders.

"Ryū-chan." Her voice was dead serious. "You know that QTuber who got rich selling her bathwater?"

"I don't want to know where this is going." I tried to shrink away, but her grip only tightened.

"We could do the same thing with Little Shit and these clouds!"

I stared at her, wondering if the cloud sugar had somehow rotted her brain.

TWHACK

I winced as Toukawa-san's textbook connected with the back of Kurumi's head. The sound echoed through our classroom like a beautiful melody. Thank you, Toukawa-san. You're doing the lord's work.

"Nyaaoouch!" Kurumi rubbed her head. "Come on guys, trust me! It's a good idea! This way none of the fluff goes to waste!"

I glanced at the pink fluff filling our classroom. Well, Kurumi had eaten some and wasn't dead yet. And bottling weird kaiju byproducts wouldn't be the strangest thing people had done for cash...

"You can't be serious." Toukawa-san's face twisted in as she watched my gears turn. "Tell her no."

"Fine. Kurumi, don't-"

But she was already diving through the clouds like a sugar-crazed dolphin, fishing around for Little Shit. Her phone appeared in her hand as she surfaced, Little Shit tucked under one arm.

"Okay, Little Shit! Say cheese!" She held up her phone, already logged into @LittlePoopOfficial.

click click click

Kurumi's fingers flew across her phone screen faster than I thought humanly possible.

"Cotton candy clouds blessed by Little Shit himself! Limited edition! Pre-orders opening soon!" She sang the words as she hit post.

I sank deeper into my fluffy prison, letting the clouds swallow me whole. Maybe I should've listened to Gran Gran. Maybe if I'd actually focused on studying, I wouldn't be stuck dealing with whatever fresh kaiju hell this was. At least differential equations didn't multiply when you touched them.

Above me, Toukawa-san, Sae, and Rhino were attempting to wrangle the clouds. Their efforts seemed pretty futile considering Kurumi and Little Shit were churning out fluff faster than anyone could clean it up.

Then, the classroom door slid open with a soft clack.

Fujita-sensei stood in the doorway, coffee can paused mid-sip. His tired eyes swept across our cotton candy wonderland, taking in Kurumi's impromptu photo shoot, clouds threatening to escape through the windows, and my pathetic form slowly consumed by the fluff.

"I'll be in 4-A," he said flatly, turned, and walked out.

It took another hour, but Rhino finally managed to roll up most of the clouds into giant cotton candy bales while Kurumi... supervised. And by supervised, I mean she somehow produced an endless supply of glass bottles from thin air and started bottling the clouds.

"Where did you even get those?"

"A woman never reveals her secrets!"

"Alright, that's enough cleaning for today" Sae called out. "We're already late for first period. Let's head to 4-A and join Fujita-sensei."

Thank god. The relief on Toukawa-san's face mirrored my own exhaustion.

"But I'm not done bottling!" Kurumi whined.

"Your get-rich-quick scam can wait."

As everyone filed out, I spotted something white peeking out from one of Rhino's cotton candy bales.

I pulled it free and smoothed out the crumpled edges. It was one of Sae’s report, the same one she was reading earlier this morning. My eyes caught the KQ Division letterhead at the top:

[KAIJU IDENTIFICATION: RM-160. NICKNAME: DREAMWEAVER]

[CURRENT THREAT LEVEL: C (downgraded from B)]

[NOTES: Subject induces sleep in victims and occasionally swaps consciousness between targets, feeding on resulting dreams. Threat level reduced due to extended period without feeding. Original form approximately 20x larger than current state, bipedal ram...]

Well, that explained a few things. Like why I'd been stuck in Rhino's body. And Kurumi's... interesting experience with Sae's consciousness.

I glanced at Sae as she walked down the hall, Rhino floating after her like everything was back to normal. If I was in Rhino's dream, and Kurumi was in Sae's dream, then whose dream were they stuck in?

I slipped the file into my bag. Best to keep this to myself. Knowing Kurumi, she'd try to monetize dream-swapping by the end of the week.

Ryuka_savings_tracker_v2.xlsx

Updated: [5/28/20XX]

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Current savings | ¥1,362,074

Kurumi’s questionable brand partnerships (¥70,000 - ¥150,000 per post) | ¥635,335

Little Shit™ Cloud Candy (3k pre-orders @ ¥7,500 per bottle) | ¥22,500,000

Glass bottle cost (Qty. 3k) | ???

Paid partnership with Seven Flags (May Payout) | ¥1,359,703

Total Available | ¥25,857,112

--------------------------------------

Tokyo Penthouse Cost | ¥50,000,000

REMAINING NEEDED | ¥24,142,888

Progress: 51.7%