All Downhill From There

It might be hard to believe, but I slept horrendously. I found myself out on the balcony before the crack of dawn once again. A chill wind nipped at my fingertips, tossing my hair about. Dew anointed every surface in sight.

This morning, however, I was not alone. Marie and I sat in our usual evening tea seats, my constant companion also plagued with an awful night’s rest.

“I don’t want to go back, Marie.”

“Miss Elisabeth, I understand we have had a great deal of fun here in Andraste,” Marie urged, “but this is a more serious matter. You have a duty to your people, your father. You heard Margot. That was an official decree.”

“And?”

“Miss Elisabeth, defying it would be absurd, tantamount to an act of treason.”

“But what could he do!? He won’t march over here and yank me back!” I objected.

Marie’s face was as stone. “And if he did?”

No reply formed on my lips. The morning wind, uncharacteristically cold for how pleasant the Andrastian spring had been, howled in my stead.

I couldn’t believe it. “So that’s it. We just have to go back.”

She paused before speaking, choosing her words carefully, “I would not say that that is necessarily the case.”

Intrigued, I pressed forward, “What are you implying?”

She looked me dead in the eyes. “That I am first and foremost the maid to Elisabeth Lumineuse. I have grown up with her, experienced all manner of disastrous days with her, bathed with her, spent nearly every moment of my waking life by her side. My loyalty lies far more with the ‘Elisabeth’ than the ‘Lumineuse.’ If she stayed, so would I.”

I leaned forward. “You would?”

Marie nodded. “If that was what you desired, yes.” She paused, forming her thoughts. “But I do not think that this would be a wise or proper thing to do.”

I huffed. “Then why bother telling me that?!”

“Because you ought to know, I exist to protect you. I am here to be by your side. It is all I have, all that I am.” Her face showed iron resolve, her eyes shining with a desperate sort of determination. “With that in mind, I do not speak these words lightly. Disobeying His Majesty the King and abandoning everything you have is not what I believe would protect you.” She folded her hands on the table.

Betrayed, I wanted to scream. Even Marie wants me to just get on my knees at the feet of these awful men? Just kowtow to the system like that?

“Maybe you’re wrong. Maybe that isn’t what’s best for me.” I crossed my arms.

“I think you’ve absorbed a little too much of the Andrastian spirit, Miss Elisabeth,” Marie sternly replied.

I sat back. So what if I turn my back on those jerks? They clearly never cared about me in the first place. Let me be my own person, Marie! “I can’t. I can’t go back.”

Marie rested her hands on her chin in thought over the table, studying me in the dim glow of the approaching dawn. “Why? What is it that compels you so?”

Finley’s perfect face swam to the front of my mind. Do… Do I tell her? Can I tell her? “Well, Finley offered for me to… stay here. In the palace.”

She was taken aback. “That makes no sense, Miss Elisabeth. As what, a political refugee? Why would Master Finley offer such a thing?”

My nightdress was not enough to keep me warm in the frigid morning. I stared at the approaching light in the sky, wrapping my arms around myself for warmth, wondering if it might heat up soon. The hue of the sky crept closer to its usual brilliant blue.

Dawn of a new day. Seems fitting.

I had to tell her. It was the only way she would understand.

With a deep breath, I confessed, “Actually, Marie, I… have feelings for Finley. I like him.”

A weight lifted off my chest. I said it. I actually said it! Out loud! I smiled to myself. “And he… likes me, too. I think. I hope.”

With this, Marie would understand.

She took a moment to form her reply.

“Don’t be foolish.”

Huh?

Marie stared at me disapprovingly. A gust of wind blew, and I felt a shiver course through me.
“You haven’t even known this man for a month. How could you possibly care this much for him?”

I jerked back. “Well-”

“It’s downright absurd that you would think to abandon your birthright, your people, your duty, all that lies in the kingdom, for a man who’s simply been kind to you a few times.” She crossed her arms.

“It’s more than just that! He’s not only kind, but-”

“Please, Miss Elisabeth. Strive for a modicum of rationality. This is ridiculous. You need to take a moment to remember what is truly important in this world: your responsibility.”

It was like a dagger went straight through my chest, so light and free but a moment ago.

She continued, “You’ve been around Master Finley a little too much, I think.”

“And what’s so wrong with that!” I cried. Standing up from my chair, I pointed at her. “I don’t need you to hold my hand through every little thing, you know! I can make my own decisions!” I spat. “Especially when it comes to things that truly matter!” I stamped my foot.

Marie flinched, like I had smacked her in the face. She closed her eyes. “I believe we should go home. That is all.” Then, with renewed energy, “And this decision you seem intent on making on your own is steeped in irrationality.” Joining me on my feet, she finished, “If you wish to remain so adamantly independent, so brashly self-centered, so irrationally foolish, then so be it.” She turned to go back inside. “As I said, I shall follow you regardless. But for the moment, I’m going to pack our things.”

As the sun peeked over the horizon, Marie left me fuming outside on the terrace.

What does she know, huh? I care for him more than she could understand!

The air between us had never been so frigid, and not just because of the morning wind. We had disagreed before, with the incident after the monster, sure, but this was entirely different.

That was a real, actual fight.

I stayed out there, watching the sun rise as the dew evaporated off the balustrade. I can’t face her. I need to think.

Putting my head down, I briskly walked back into our room. Marie and I didn’t address one another. I didn’t even look at her, only catching a brief glimpse out of the corner of my eye of her carefully folding my clothes into one of our many suitcases. I pushed through and escaped out into the guest wing.

I need to think. Where do I go to think?

The first place that came to mind was Finley’s secret courtyard. But I didn’t possess the skills required to get up there myself. Without my own room, I kind of don’t have any quiet, private places to think.

Wait, quiet. Quiet and private.

Where could I go? Where else but the quietest place in the palace?

I set off for the library.