Over and Over

Sakurako laid in bed thinking about what Chiharu told her the day before. She hoped it didn’t happen, she tried to tell herself that he didn’t really say that, that it was all a dream. But even if she tried to deny it, she couldn’t escape the truth. She was only trying to avoid being hurt, but lying to herself will only hurt her more. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to see him but she knew what he told her was true. They can’t take the chance of changing the future. A knock was heard, it was Rena checking up on Sakurako.

“Are you okay? You’ve been acting strange ever since you came back home last night.”, Rena was concerned for her granddaughter. Just like how she’d never seen Sakurako in love, she’d never seen Sakurako so depressed. Sakurako didn’t know what to say to her grandmother. She didn’t want her to worry about her so much but she just couldn’t force a smile to fake happiness.

“I’m sorry. I just miss him.”

“Is that it? Why don’t you go see him then? He’s not going anywhere is he?”

“No, but I can’t see him anymore. He said last night was the last time we could see each other.”, Sakurako explained to her grandmother. “He doesn’t want anything to affect the future. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him how I felt.”

Rena had a serious expression on her face. “You need to go talk to him now.”

Sakurako saw how serious her grandmother was; she could feel the support her grandmother was giving her. “But he said-”

“What he said will only leave you with regret. He should know himself that not being able to express your feelings will only leave you dwelling on what could've been. You will end up like Chiharu if you never tell him how you feel: longing for the day you will see him again so you can tell him how you truly feel and learn how he felt about you. Even if you know the answer he will give you, it’s better if you just tell him anyway. At least you won’t have any regrets later on.”

Sakurako was going over in her head what her grandma was saying to her. “Should she just respect his decision or take it upon herself to just express her feelings?”. She was leaning towards what her grandma was saying. Sakurako would rather be rejected with no regrets than to live with these feelings forever. “One last time?”, she asked her grandmother.

“One last time”, Rena encouraged her granddaughter.

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“Chiharu?”, Sakurako was at the top of the hill calling out for Chiharu. “Chiharu?”, she looked around and could see that she was still in the present. “He’s not here yet.”, she thought to herself. “Or maybe I can’t go back anymore?”, she didn’t want to believe that; she still hoped that she could go back to see him. “Just one last time”, she pleaded in her mind.

The heat was getting to her so she sat down and stared at the sky. The cloudless sky was vast and the sun was beating down on the Earth. She was tired from all of the running and moving around so she thought she’d just sit here and wait for him. “He’d come back. He’s always here. I’ll just wait a little longer, even if it takes the whole day.”, she made that promise to herself. She was looking down at her village, “Still the present”, she thought to herself. Suddenly, she heard rustling behind her. “Chiharu?”, she turned around but he wasn’t there. Black smoke was floating into the air and the rustling sound became a bit louder. She stood up and turned around to face the southern village and below her was a scene that seemed to come out of history books; the southern village was in flames. Another wildfire had taken place.

Sakurako watched the flames burning almost the whole village with the fire spreading quickly. Her face expressed shock and the first thing she could think of was to get help. She quickly ran down the hill into her village. “Fire! In the southern village!”, she shouted as she ran through the city. “Get help! Please!.” The citizens expressed shock and concern while some were confused as to what she was talking about.

Sakurako ran to her house and forced the front door open where Rena and Akira were there talking to each other.

“Sakurako!”, Rena wondered why her granddaughter seemed to be in an urgent state.

“There’s a fire in the southern village. We need to put it out. Where’s the fire department?”

Akira and Rena had worried looks on their faces. Rena, in particular, looked like she had just seen a ghost. The memories of Kaori being stuck in the fire came back to her. The feelings of guilt and hopelessness were reintroduced to her mind.

“I’ll call for help, where’s the phone?”, Akira seemed to be doing better in this emergency than Rena was. Sakurako showed him where the phone was and he immediately dialed for help.

“There’s a fire in the southern village, please send help to put it out.”, Akira said through the phone with an urgent tone.

As everything was going on, Rena was experiencing so much fear that she couldn’t move or even react. She was just frozen there.

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“Thank you for alerting us, be careful next time you are up there. The fire could’ve spread up the hill and got to you.”, the firefighter warned Sakurako.

“Thank you.” Sakurako bowed and they left. It took many hours for the fire to be put out so the flame colored sky was turning dark blue as the night came.

Rena and Sakurako were alone at home now. Rena was still shocked with fear but it was less noticeable than before. She was muttering something to herself, Sakurako assumed it was prayers to keep the family safe.

“Grandma, are you okay?”, Sakurako was worried about the way her grandmother was acting.

“I’m…okay.”, Rena was holding in tears. Sakurako went to hug her grandmother and the tears flowed out. “I can’t believe it. I almost lost you too.:

“Grandma, it's okay.”

“No, because of my carelessness, I almost lost another important person in my life. Something could’ve happened to you and I would’ve felt so guilty. It’s just like before. I always let the important people in my life become hurt.”

“Grandma, I’m fine. Nothing happened to me,”

“Yes, but something could’ve. That’s the point. I let you go by yourself, just like I did with Kaori, and someone ends up getting hurt; and it's never me.”, Rena was crying even harder as she was blaming herself.

Sakurako felt bad that her grandma was taking all of the blame. She felt that her grandma was being too hard on herself. “Don’t say that. You didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t control what happens to other people. Other people’s lives are not in your hands.”

“I can’t control what happens, but I can control how I choose to protect them. Sakurako…you can’t go there anymore.”, Rena sounded serious.

“What? What do you mean?”

“You cannot go back up there. It’s too dangerous for you.”

“Grandma, it was just one fire.”

“To you it’s one fire, to me it’s a mistake I don’t want to happen again.”, this was the strictest Sakurako’s ever seen Rena.

“First you tell me to go see him, and now you're against it because of one event. What about living with regret and not being able to express how I feel?”

“Living with regret is something I already live with. And losing you would’ve added on to the weight I hold now.”

Sakurako had never defied her grandmother before, but she felt like she needed to stand her ground. She understands that her grandmother wanted to keep her safe but she feels that her grandma is taking it too far. She was letting her memories affect her decision-making. She didn’t want to get angry at her grandmother so she was trying to be as calm as possible as she spoke her mind.

“Grandma, I know you worry about me but I think I can take care of my own safety.”

“No, I said you can’t go and I won’t change my mind about it.”, Rena was raising her voice.

“But I-”

“Sakurako! No!”

“But I love him!”, she quickly said in case her grandma was going to interrupt her. The next thing Rena saw was black.