CLARIS

The criteria for what determined a peer outing was quickly altered due to school; the system was still a work in progress. No longer limited to interacting with just other orphans, peer outings opened up to include outside friends. We'd submit an entry about a "fun" experience associated with them and it'd count just the same. I browsed the recent reports in the office and saw that Ringomori had submitted an outing I wasn't a part of.

Right, she texted me about that. She went to an ice cream parlor with a friend and her family. There's probably one near her school. It's good to see her hangin' out with others.

I was reminded of my talk with Hara on Monday, and decided to submit that experience as an outing because it was when I made my first school friend since the accident. We have been talking more all week.

Friday morning. I took the bus to school and arrived in time for homeroom. It was only the third week, but I'd already been swamped with tests and study material. The teachers piled onto us students the burden of thinking about future career paths that we'd choose, since entrance exams stretched from now to next semester. I wouldn't have cared for it, but I remembered Ringomori's words about having to focus on a future without guidance.

My classes ended all the same and I left school from the front gate. It was there that I saw Hara waiting with his eyes glued to his phone, him being there was out of the ordinary.

"Who're you waitin' for?" I asked.

"For you. Didn't think you'd take so long after the bell rang."
He pocketed his phone.

I tilted my head.
"Why me?"

He began walking away, I followed to hear his answer.
"So we can walk together. That's what friends do."

I accepted that as a valid reason, even if I didn't understand the motive.

"Which direction do you live in?" he asked.

I pointed in the direction in front of us.
"The orphanage is a few bus stops that way."

"Ooh, you must be from the Yoshida Orphanage."
I confirmed his answer and he asked, "Do you wanna walk home instead, since we're go'n the same way?"

"Sure."

We walked past neighborhoods and convenience stores and talked about the school day. Hara told me about his training routine for soccer, a sport he was planning to participate in for Sports Day later this semester. He did most of the talking while I nodded and observed the buildings I typically passed on the bus up close. I was going to part with him once we arrived at the orphanage, but then he did something else out of the ordinary.

"Vieira-senpai, wanna come to my house? You don't have to, but there's something I wanna show you."

Stunned by his invitation, I thought about the alternative: Me studying in my room all day.
It didn't take me long to say, "Sure."

I followed him to his residence and he told me about his uncle's mixed-use property. The pie shop business was on the ground floor and the space above was the residence. This was my first time seeing the back of the building, he opened a small garage door and invited me inside.

From the empty garage space, we stepped inside the kitchen of the shop, a few bakers were actively working with assiduous efficiency. I was tempted to thank them for always making the key lime pies delectable even for poor taste buds like mine, but I had to find my manners first.

Without wanting to disturb the bakers, I said, "P-Pardon my intrusion" in a timid tone.

In contrast, Hara said, "Tadaima!"

He led me to the wooden stairs and we were greeted by a woman also in a baker's uniform coming down. She wore gloves, had a white mask over her face, and a baker's cap on her head. Unlike the others in uniform, she was a resident of the building.

Through the mask, she said, "Welcome back son— Oh my, hello there."

It was Hara's mom. She pulled down her mask and a small grin graced her red lips.
"You brought home a friend! Isn't that rare for you, lil Autumn?"

"Autumn?"

He turned to me.
"She calls me that 'cause of my name."
He returned to his mom and said, "Ma, please don't embarrass me or yourself."

The two of us backed up a few paces to allow his mom to descend.

"What? I'm just surprised t'see you with a friend."

"I have plenty of 'em, just don't bring 'em here."

"You should. Upstairs is empty all the time and could use some more liveliness."
She smiled brightly enough for the three of us.

"Maybe one day. C'mon Vieira-senpai, I'll show you to my room."
He started walking up the stairs.

I turned to his mom, who was only a few centimeters shorter than me, and greeted her with a bow and rusty smile.

"Welcome to our household, Vieira-kun. Sorry if I'm mispronounce'n your name. I must say, it's quite unique and lovely. Thank you for being friends with my boy, I hope you'll continue t'get along."
She bowed her head.

I thanked her for her hospitality, then caught up with Hara at the top.

We took off our shoes at the genkan and he gave me a pair of guest slippers to wear. The upstairs consisted of four rooms and an open space. Hara, his mom, and his uncle all had their own bedrooms, and shared one toilet and bath. The open space was a miniature living room with a small TV, table and couch, and a pantry in the corner. Similar to downstairs in the public space, the coffee-like walls with light brown baseboards accentuating the vanilla face. Most of the hanging decor was standard environmental art, but not many pictures of family. There was the occasional photo of Hara and his mom, but no signs of his dad or younger sister. I entered his room.

The atmosphere completely changed from the pie shop's warmth to something similar to entering a spaceship. My typical downturned eyes were widened as I stood cemented in awe at the sight of a massive gaming setup. He had a black wooden L-shaped desk in the corner, with two advanced monitors connected together and a leather swivel chair. A TV a few sizes bigger than the one in the open space was mounted to the wall with a few flower art canvases hung above it. Next to the TV was a curtainless windowsill with multiple figurines.

"H-How did you afford all of this?"

"Work'n downstairs gave me money. You and your friend are probably my main contributors for most of this stuff. Really, you guys eat here a lot."

"Not our fault your bakers know how to make good food."

"I'll let them know your gratitude. Anyways, wanna play a few games? We'll do co-op."

He pulled a few beanbags from his closet and put them in the center of the room, then he repositioned his TV and we played. He had an array of video games spanning from the popular ones to the more indie and small-scale ones. We quickly discovered our excellence with puzzles and escape rooms, setting new records for each game.

To say I wasn't nervous would be a lie. Even if it was just to clear a level, being relied on by others was something I wasn't entirely used to. Whenever I made a mistake, my ears were reassured that everything was okay, but I became as white as a sheet and my mind chose to believe he was only withholding his patience, and every following mistake could be the final straw and he'd express regret in inviting me. It was tortuous as it was fun. His words or my thoughts, I had to believe only one was real.

After an hour of gaming, his mom entered the room with a tray of snacks.

"Th-Thank you, Hara-san."
I offered a slight bow of appreciation.

He said, "You've called us both that name now, it's confuse'n."

"W-Well, I-I obviously meant your mom and the lovely gesture she did bringin' us these snacks."

"Oh my, I wish my son could be as appreciative as you," she said with a giggle, which led me to believe it was a joke.
She patted her son's head and frizzled his hair before crouching down to kiss him on the forehead.

He didn't fuss about it much, likely because it was normal for them. He did sneak in a quick remark.
"You should adopt him if you like him so much, ma."

She giggled at his joke, not knowing the extent of truth behind it.

Only when she was leaving the room did he say, "Thanks ma."

"No problem, Autumn!" she replied, shutting the door.

I turned to my underclassman, who was focused on the game.
"Your mom really pampers you a lot, Hara-san. I-I think you should respect her more for that. Y'know, ninety percent of a person's time with their parents occurs in their first two decades of their life, and you're already down one. F-For some people, their time with parents is cut even shorter."

Hara paused the game and put down his controller. Turning to face me, he swung his head so the motion could fix his hair. He placed his left elbow on his knee and held his head level. The stare he gave me was unlike any expression before, I felt a different kind of cold from the interior of a spaceship.

"I get you, Vieira-senpai. But while I might not show it in the typical manner, I have an unlimited amount of respect for her. The words I tell her are my truest emotions. Same goes for you. If it settles your heart, know that I'd extinguish hell and find the heavens to protect her—come hell or high water."
A level of seriousness I had never seen before was displayed; it was almost bracing.

I see, he must've known I've been overthinkin'. He's right, I should see his words more, or else I'm just someone who can only trust an unreliable mind.

He said, "She's delicate and vulnerable 'cause she still hasn't moved on from the pass'n of my sis, nor the trauma that my pa gave her. She misses take'n care of a child and I'm the only one she still has, so I let her pamper me. But I acted like this before our lives changed and I don't wanna switch up our dynamic 'cause it keeps us close without get'n too deep into sorrow. Were you pampered when you had parents?"

I replayed his words in my head trying to develop an understanding, but I couldn't. He had told me a great deal about his life in our first week as friends, I could at least reciprocate that.

"Actually, there's something I need to tell you about my childhood."

I told him about my accident that cost my memories and my parents.
"That's why I can't really sympathize with the feeling of familial loss, since I don't have any loving memories with them. I'm tryin' to remember, so maybe one day I can feel what you feel."

"Wow, an amnesiac orphan. A gem amongst rocks, you are. I'll be look'n forward to it."

"More like a rock amongst gems. A bunch of different gemstones."

"Well, it's like you said, all those gems will start t'look the same, 'cept you."
He stood up and stretched his back and limbs, and I followed suit.
"The mood's kinda damp now. Let me show you why I invited you."

"W-Wait, I thought your room was the reason?"

"Nope, it's over here."
He headed to his closet door and opened it again.
"I know you like RONselia since you play it at school and downstairs, so take a look at this."

He pulled out a record player and set it on his desk, then reached further back and pulled out a black record cover. As soon as I laid my eyes on the art, I became astonished at the item in his hands. I was staring at a RONselia vinyl.

"That's the vinyl that's only ever been released once, so many years ago!"
The corners of my lips rose tremendously. I didn't know if the sudden excitement caused a minor headache to occur, but it was too insignificant at the moment to worry about.

He said,"My sis loved the band too, and she wanted this for her birthday. We couldn't afford it when it was released and all of the scalpers in Tokyo didn't help either."

"That's because only a handful of them were made."

"Ooh Really? We found this one for sale at a pawn shop here, I got it in her honor. I've been listen'n to it every now and then. Think'n of put'n it downstairs for customers t'hear."

"You should! There's a specific song that isn't in game or on any music services; it's specifically made for this vinyl."

"Have you heard the song."

I shook my head.
"Any video with that song gets copyrighted immediately, no one wants to risk it."

He smirked and then plugged the player into a couple of speakers and loaded up the record.

Looking at the track list, the special song was last, so we'd have to listen through every song. As they continued one after another, my headache deepened, but I was willing to ignore it with the amount of anticipation building up. I also mimicked the game's beatmap of each song on my lap and audibly sung along. Thankfully he didn't mind.

Once the final song began to play, I became unable to keep my eyes open and winced and strained during the opening. I was still able to enjoy it through the pain, until the song hit its drop. A frisson of excitement was in my arms, and the sounds pierced through my eardrums straight into my brain.

I remembered something again. I unlocked another memory.

➼ ➼ ➼

I found myself in a bedroom. The walls were painted pastel pink and the bed sheets were red and green. There was a singular window with a circular arch, opened to see luscious amber leaves breezily fall. It wasn't Hara's or mine from either orphanage, plus, my height was smaller again. Before me was the RONselia vinyl, but the player was entirely different.

The same special song was playing, with more and more memories involving this song flooding my mind. Many were in this pink room; I stood in front of the player, danced across the room, and jumped on the bed, but there were other times in the living room—presumably of the same house. I doubted the possibility that this was my old apartment, since there was no reason my family would have a pink room.

I remembered people with me, mainly adults, but couldn't make out their faces clearly. The last memory to play was in the pink room, but I wasn't alone. There wasn't an adult with me, but a child my size and age; hair long enough to be a girl. She had one ponytail the length of her back with a brown hair tie and a peekaboo fringe. The hair color was on the darker tones, but I wasn't sure if that was the actual color or just memory deficiency. The song ended before the child became apparent to me.

From that room, I found myself on the canoe again. In my hands were tiny orbs of the memories I had just seen, and spilled by my feet were more motes of past ones I already remembered—like the orange chicken. I didn't know why they had appeared now or what I was supposed to do with them.

➼ ➼ ➼

My ear twitched and I returned to Hara's room as the song concluded.
Ow, my ears are still tingly. Is that the "Proust effect" thing?

"Vieira-senpai, are you okay? You were kinda trip'n out."

"Akio-san," I said, strenuously smacking my head with my palms. "I was wrong, I've heard this song before as a kid. I didn't own the vinyl, but I've heard this plenty of times."

He was still with a pleased smile.
"You called me— Wait, did you just remember something? From your childhood? I thought you forgot, how does that work? Are you say'n this is the same one? Who owned your vinyl?"

I answered his questions one by one, telling him I had no recollection of the mysterious owner.

"Have you ever been to a pawn shop called Daikokuya?"

I squeezed my eyes in an attempt to jog my memory.
"No, that name doesn't ring a bell."

He played the song again, but nothing new came to me no matter how many times it was played. I would have liked a few more tries, but I lost track of time and was only reminded when I received a text message from Ringomori. She told me I was running late for dinner duty and I thanked her for the reminder. She told me to take care on my way back and “Don't join the parents."

"Akio-san, it seems like it's time for me to go. I'll see myself out. Thanks for hostin' me today, it was really fun."

"No problem, bud. You're welcomed back anytime, really. I'll show you out 'cause I need t'make dinner while ma is work'n."

I handed in my guest slippers and put on my shoes, then the two of us walked downstairs and he opened the garage for me. He waited by the door and told me how to close the garage from outside.

"Take care out there, wouldn't want you join'n your parents now."
He issued an encouraging smile with that string of words, and caused me to display a similar one, albeit more out of practice.

"You too. I know you miss your sister, but don't join her just yet."

"Aye aye, captain."

He returned to the kitchen and the door slowly closed, though not all the way. I began heading out but then his mom entered the garage from outside with a bag of—what appeared to be—groceries.

She saw me with my shoes and schoolbag on and asked, "Vieira-kun, are you leave'n?"
I confirmed her answer. She continued to kitchen door.
"I see. Well, thank you again for being friends with my son and bring'n some joy into his life. I know his other friends do the same, but t'see it happen in front of me reassured me a lot."

The ajar door behind me swung open and Hara poked his head.
"Ma, don't embarrass us again and let the guy leave in peace."
He pulled away back into the kitchen.

She had glee written on her face.
"He really seems appreciative of your company."

"A-Actually, Hara-san, your son's done more for me than the other way around, so I-I should be thankin' the both of you. You have a lovely business down here, a-and an even lovelier home above. I'm quite lucky to have seen it."

I planned on stepping outside with that, but she stopped me.

"Can you wait here momentarily?" she requested.

I listened and patiently waited while she swiftly went into the kitchen. She returned with a white cardboard from the pie shop. It had a clear plastic window and the contents were cookies.

Handing me the container, she said, "I'd love it if you shared this with your family."

A sharp, sorrowful pain inside me slithered into my visible expression as I deflected my eyes away from the freshly baked cookies. She noticed too.

"What's wrong, Vieira-kun? Your eyes..."

I raised my head, not enough for me to see her face but high enough to see her hands held to her chest.
Tellin' her nothing is wrong wouldn't put her sensitive heart at ease, would it? Tellin' her the truth is probably just as painful, but it's better if she knew than constantly lyin' to her.

Like Hara in his room, I told his mom about my accident from nearly six years ago. As expected, she was taken aback and covered her mouth. It seemed she was thinking about an earlier interaction and quickly bowed before me.

"I'm so sorry for the insensitive joke my son made before! I'm also sorry for assume'n you had a family, I truly had no knowledge of it and meant no harm!"

"N-No need to apologize, Hara-san. I assure you there's no hard feelings about that. I have amnesia from the accident, so I can't really remember my family, and I don't mind jokes like that. So please don't worry."

She raised her head and looked me in the eyes.
"No wonder you have the similar gaze that my lil Autumn has. It's because you're both filled with grief."

I turned to the door and uttered, "His dad and sister..."

"While it isn't entirely the same, lose'n family members is a toll that can only be truly understood by those with similar experiences. Even if you can't remember it in full, that feel'n is still there within you, wait'n t'be discovered again. Brains forget, but hearts never do."

"I-I see..."

"Listen, Vieira-kun," she said as she took a step closer to me. "I wouldn't want to replace your mother, but I'm still a mother that's always home. In case you ever need some advice, whether related to school or adult life or even relationships, you can come here to me."

Questions about those three categories did come to mind, including the image of a girl, but it wasn't a priority at the moment.

I pondered her offer.
It won't harm anyone if I accept it, and I feel like she misses the familial sensation of her son bondin' with someone like a sibling since he's now an only child. N-Not sayin' he's like a brother to me, but… Also, I can't be blamed for wantin' a little parental love, I've been without it for almost half my life.

I straightened my back and lifted my chin high.
"I appreciate your offer, Hara-san. I'll be takin' you up on that."

We bowed and wished each other the best by saying "Yoroshiku." I departed from the Hara household to the orphanage. I arrived without trouble and did my duties, then headed to the office before eating to submit my second peer outing for the month. Ringomori was there too.

"I am shocked you managed to get two in one week," she said.

"Both without you, I bet you're jealous," I replied. "I made a friend and went to his house. That reminds me, I have something to tell you after dinner."

She grinned.
"Okay."

We had curry rice for dinner. I shared some of the cookies with the younger kids after they finished their plates and saved the rest. Ringomori waited for me on the orphanage's front lawn. The moon was rising and the clouds made way for the stars to shine; stargazing in the open fields of Hokkaido was apparently popular, so to do it in the city was even greater. I placed the pie shop box between us.

"Feel free."

While staring at the sky, she said, "Do you like the change of design of these boxes?"

"Hmm? They changed?"

"The logo used to be on the top, but now it's on the back because of the transparent plastic."
She turned the box around to show me.

On top?

Upon seeing the logo on the white box, it began to look familiar. I imagined what the box would look like with the logo on top, and felt the pain already endured once today. Throbbing, sharp infliction, and straining were concurrently coursing in my head. I dropped a cookie and gripped my hair, roughly pulling it over my face.

"Vieira-kun? Are you okay?! What's wrong?"

I let go of my hair and cupped my ears, closing my eyes expecting darkness, but seeing flashes of my first ever memory I had in the hospital. This time I put my focus on the position of the logo on the box I held. Apparently that wasn't the first time I saw the logo either.

➼ ➼ ➼

I found myself inside the pie shop, seeing the white box being placed on the table where a few slices of uneaten pie rested. I saw a woman pick those slices up and put them inside the box. I remembered saying one thing.

"Happy birthday, mom!"

Mom.

I was brought back to the crash. Tires screeching, steel scintillating, and one little kid shouting in agony because the seats his parents sat in were flattened.

"Dad! Mom!"

➼ ➼ ➼

I forced my eyes open and saw the crumbled cookie covered in the blades of grass. My hands slowly pulled away from my ears, the cries for my parents were replaced with my own breathing, then my name.

"Vieira-kun, what happened?!"

I turned to Ringomori beside me, who had a few tears welled up in her eyes. She was trembling, maybe more so than me, and I tried to pull myself together.

I said, "I'm okay. I-I just...I just remembered something new...involvin' CLARIS. Lately, I-I've been rememberin' a lot."

She wiped her eyes and furrowed her brow, asking, "What sort of things have you been remembering?"

"A variety of things, like earlier today."

I first told her about visiting Hara's home, then about the RONselia vinyl.

She appeared filled with life. Even under the dark sky, I used the light of the stars to see her pupils dilate. Her open smile allowed her teeth to glisten. With how rare the vinyl was, she must have been excited to hear someone related to a place she loved had owned such a prize.

"Where did he get it from?" she asked eagerly.

"He didn't get it on release, but rather pawned it from a shop close by here."

As if a sudden jolt of electricity had coursed through her veins, she was left momentarily stunned. She parted her lips slightly but paused momentarily.
"That's amazing, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it really is."
Speaking of the vinyl, I said, "It's also given me a few more memories of when I listened to it as a child. I don't know if it's the same one, but that song at the end triggered my mind."

She paused. Her gaze returned to the stars above, her arms acted as supports as she leaned back and took deep breaths. She was still trembling, but I didn't know if it was from the shock I gave her or the chilling breeze picking up pace.
After her pause, she said, "I'm happy you're finally remembering things."

My body and mind were put at ease. To make her happier, I told her more about what I remembered, showing her a memory orb one by one. She became more and more curious with every detail told. It didn't seem like she had any idea what I was talking about—not that I expected her to. Still, a part of me wished she could tell me something I didn't know; her thoughts about all of this.

Nevertheless, we continued to watch the stars and regaled until curfew struck.