Sister Problems

Waiting out that week was tantamount to torture. Yani messaged Trip every day asking for updates, until eventually they got sick of her, stuck her in a group chat with Terra, and told the two of them to tire each other out. She then proceeded to ask Terra as many technical questions about the process as she could possibly understand.

Terra was kind enough to indulge her, and eventually, their conversations turned to other things. That was how Terra learned that Yani had a sister, and how she learned that the two of them hadn't talked since the morning of their fight.

You saw what happened with Trip and I, and you can't manage your own sister problems?

I don't know. It's different here. It feels like our life has been trying to pit us against each other this whole time. We held out for a while, but life finally won.

First of all, I call crap on that. It's not “life”, it's ur insane evil parents. Second of all, have u never read up on golden child and black sheep dynamics? Bc that's totally what they r doing to u.

Not really… Maybe I should, though. Thanks. Gotta go now, Godsinger time.

Yani used the downtime of her afternoon shift to research what Terra had mentioned. She knew she hated her parents, especially now, but she had never considered that the messed up aspects of her family dynamic had a name. That other people experienced the same thing.

Now that she thought about it, she wasn’t sure she could remember a time they had ever praised her, or told her they were proud of her, or that she was doing the right thing. It wasn’t like they said those things to Yani a lot, but something was better than nothing.

And nothing is what Yani got from them.

Maybe it had made her spiteful. Maybe it had made her cruel. Or just plain mean. She really didn’t know anymore. But she could feel it sometimes, in the way she thought about people. Something of her parents seeping in, even without her opening the door to it. She knew it was there in the way she had judged Terra when she first met her. Hell, even in the way she had thought about Blain. She still thought he was kind of an awful guy, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have it bad too.

The more she thought about it, the more she wasn’t sure how anyone had ever loved her to begin with.

She was infinitely grateful to the people around her like June and Terra, who took her reactions in stride. Maybe that was what having a solid support system does for you. No wonder she and Naira fought like they had, when they only had each other. She was beginning to think relying on just one person wasn’t healthy, no matter how much you loved each other.

If anything, the difficult circumstances had pushed her to branch out. She wouldn’t say she was thankful for that, exactly, but it was nice to know there were more people out there she could lean on. The world was full of new friends, and people who would help if she just worked up the courage to ask.

Speaking of asking, there was one more person whose support she was grateful for.

A cool breeze blew through her mind when she linked in. It was a welcome relief from the heat. Without her notice or permission, spring was becoming summer right under her nose. Everyone in the city had shifted from complaining about the pollen to saying “it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity”, and she wasn’t sure if she was excited or afraid for the days ahead. In Imon’s presence, that question was answered.

Imon, Trip is working on your vessel right now! They won’t let me see any pictures, but I’m so so excited to see you!

I am afraid the lack of pictures is per my request. Something in me told me you would enjoy the experience of meeting ‘in person’ more if my appearance is a mystery.

I can’t blame you for that, but how did you tell them without telling me?

I have found it necessary to communicate directly with Trip through text. Their process of building involved many questions of me, not all of which a Godsinger is capable of answering.

You messaged with someone who isn’t a Godsinger?? Won’t you be in trouble if the rest of the pantheon finds out?

I am afraid my urge to bend the rules of godhood grows stronger whenever you are involved, Yani.

The rest of the day, Yani couldn’t help but wonder. What makes me different?

*

Another day had passed, and according to Terra, Trip was working on the finishing touches as Yani got dressed and ready to leave for their home. She was feeling a swirl of somewhat confusing emotions, but more than anything, she was excited.

As she was leaving, she passed through the entryway, where Naira was standing. She was probably waiting for a friend from school to pick her up so they could go together. Yani and Naira had never gone to school together even before Yani graduated. The academy for Godsingers was entirely separate, and there weren’t that many of them. Yani was told that she should consider herself lucky she hadn’t had to stay in a dorm to attend, since she lived nearby, but as a teen, she had wished more than anything for that opportunity. She wondered how her life would have changed if she had been able to escape from her parents.

Maybe it would have prevented this rift between her and Naira. Or maybe it would have made them grow apart, with Yani gone and no need for Naira to protect her. No secrets for the two of them to share.

Either way, it didn’t change the fact that in this life, Naira was casting nervous glances at her, but not saying anything. Yani wasn’t either. There they were, two sisters without a thing to say.

The Yani from two weeks ago would have said that’s the way it should be, but the Yani that stood in front of Naira wasn’t so sure. She thought that her resentment would remain forever, hardening into an icicle. That it would remain driven into her heart, sharp end pointing out of her back for all to see. It was funny how these things went, though.

Her conversations with Terra had made her think more about her family dynamics more than she ever had. It wasn’t Naira’s fault that their parents treated the two of them so differently. And she couldn’t control the fact that it influenced both of their actions, probably more than either of them knew. Terra was right. Naira was the golden child, and Yani was the black sheep. Of course she didn’t fully understand the consequences to Yani’s actions. How their parents wouldn’t react the same, even if both of them did the exact same things. She would never understand.

Unless Yani explained it to her.