How To Stop Hurting

She was afraid that Naira wouldn’t listen even if she tried to explain. It was easier to not try than to accept that as a possibility. If she didn’t try, she could still believe there was a possibility the two of them could be sisters again.

If she did try, and failed, then she couldn’t pretend there was a chance for the future anymore. That terrified her. Things like that always had. It’s easier not to try, and to say that maybe you could have made it if you had. But then, Terra said, you were just failing yourself because you were scared of other people.

Yani certainly was afraid of other people, so much of the time. But that had never helped her life- it had only harmed it in a million tiny ways, over and over again. Watching other people succeed in places she had failed because they were willing to ask for help- it hurt. She wanted to stop hurting like that.

And she was standing in front of a hurt that she was feeling deeper than any other. Naira glanced at her every few moments, and Yani realized something awful. Something that made her feel worse than anything her parents had ever said. That look in Naira’s eyes was fear. Her baby sister was afraid of her.

This was a hurt that neither of them could solve that morning, but that didn’t mean Yani couldn’t start. She didn’t have a clumsy Godsinger to laugh at with Naira like Terra and Trip had had. All she had was herself, but she figured that was the same thing.

She braced herself, not yet sure what she’d say, but she knew she had to say something. She couldn’t wait any longer- couldn’t let the wound grow any larger. If she had to start small, she would, but at least she would start.

She stepped forward, not walking directly towards Naira, but towards the door. She paused next to her, though, and Naira stiffened. Yani spoke softly, with her eyes downcast.

“I don’t like not talking to you. I’m not ready to talk to you yet, but I want you to know I don’t like it.”

She was too scared to wait to hear Naira’s response, so she bolted for the door after that, leaving Naira standing shocked behind her. Not waiting to hear what she may say.

But as she was hurrying down the street, still unsure of her own emotions, she felt a buzz. When she checked her messages, there was one new message from Naira. The first in weeks.

I miss you too.

*

Yani stood in the front room of the Cygnus household, bouncing her leg with nerves. Terra greeted her with a big hug, and this time, Yani barely even stiffened under it. She supposed she could call that emotional growth. Either that, or she was just becoming desensitized to Terra’s hand-on brand of affection.

“Trip is working with her right now, getting her motions calibrated and everything. But she's really there, Yani! Like, I heard her voice!”

“Wow… I wish Trip would let us back there.” Yani sighed. She was a ball of nervous energy, like a kid before their first date.

“I know you do, but come on. She's worth the wait, right?”

“Y-yeah! Of course!” Yani stiffened up, trying to hide the flush on her cheeks. She had to stop following those trains of thought. The imagination stations they led to were frankly preposterous, and she didn't want Imon to think she was that kind of person.

“I don't know why I'm so nervous.” Yani said. “She and I have spent so much time talking, for so many years. She knows me better than anyone. She's my god! But this just feels different. Like everything before was just a lead-up to now. I never felt that way when it was happening, but now, I don't know that I could go back to it. Not when she's here, in this same house. Just a few rooms away.”

“Can I tell you a story?” Terra asked.

“Sure?”

“When I was a kid, I really liked ice cream. I mean, all kids do, but I made it, like, a personality trait.”

“I don't see what this has to do with-”

“Ah! I'm getting there. Come on, my beautiful emotionally stunted Godsinger. Patience.”

Yani pouted, but stayed quiet. Terra was a powerful force when she wanted to be.

“Anyways, I really liked ice cream. And so when I was asked ‘what’s one thing you love’ by the teacher, I said that I loved ice cream. And you know what this kid said?” Terra paused, waiting for verbal confirmation that Yani was still listening.

“What?”

“He said ‘if you love ice cream so much, why don't you marry it?!’ Isn't that just the funniest thing you've ever heard?” Terra ended.

“I mean, that's a pretty classic joke for kids to make, but I see why it's funny to them. I don't know why you brought it up, though.” Yani said.

“What I'm saying is, if you love Imon so much, and you're trying to escape this arranged marriage, why don’t you just-”

Terra stopped dead in the middle of her sentence, staring into the hallway behind Yani.

Yani waved her hand in front of her. “Terra? Why don’t I what?”

Terra still didn’t respond, and Yani finally heard the mechanical hiss of hydraulics moving throughout the hall behind her. She turned, faster than she knew she was capable of.

There was Trip, and walking beside them, gripping their elbow for support, was a ten foot tall android, all white metal and silver filigree. Yani was just as stricken as Terra had been. She couldn’t find the words, so as the pair grew closer, she simply bowed. That metal hand reached out for her, two fingers slipping below her chin to tilt her head up, forcing her to meet the eyes of the figure above her.

“Hello, Yani.” Imon smiled.